Sheriff Urist and the Masterful Adamantine War Hammer
The Dwarves of the Mountainhomes were Thirsty. The harvest had been ill after the Regrettable Magma Accident Last Year and no plumphelmets had sprouted from the obsidianised soil. And the brewers did ask for the materials that from which the Draught of Armok was concocted. And tempers did flare, and the dwarves became very happy and could not find someone in charge to yell at recently. Great riots broke out in all the halls, as brother had fist fight with brother and babies gouged out the eyes of their mothers, their breast milk that had waned in alcohol content, and sons threw fixtures at fathers.
And Sheriff Urist the Unfortunate held the Masterful Adamantine War Hammer above his head and cried to the Dwarves in the Mountain Homes, “Who has been a naughty Dwarf!”
“We have!” cried the Dwarves of the Mountainhome!
“Who punched your Brother in the head, tearing the brain?”
“We did!”cried the remaining Dwarven Brothers.
“Who gouged out the eyes of the Dwarven Mothers?”
The Dwarven Babies, who had been used as shields by their late mothers, did not reply, and were stricken my melancholy and leapt from small ledges, bruising their brains.
“Who threw furniture at your Fathers?”
“We did!” cried the Dwarven Sons.
“Well, the King had not the foresight to build jails for everyone,” said Urist.
And the beatings did begin, and the Masterful Adamantine War Hammer struck blow after blow on the Dwarves of the Mountainhomes, but the injured were none. And Urist became exhausted and did sit down in the hall, which was in the Mountainhomes, and he did lie down and closed his eyes to sleep. And the cage, that was concealed, did materialize and trap Urist.
And Urist screamed and called to the good Dwarves of the Mountainhomes to build the cage somewhere suitable and release him. And the Dwarves did grin, and feast upon the carp, the slothes, the tigers, and the antelope, and the bears, and the bees, and the cats, and the cattle, and the dogs that were tied at the Great Doors of the Mountainhomes. But not of the Toads. And there was much rejoicing.
And Urist did pray to Armok the God of Blood, and Armok did smile upon the trapped Dwarf called Urist and whispered his secrets to Urist. And Armok did release Urist the Unfortunate and Urist did retreat into the Earth and found the Magma and did smelt his Masterful Adamantine War Hammer into a Masterful Adamantine War Axe, menicing with spikes of Adamantine and a masterful image of a Toad in Adamantine, the Toad is laughing. And he did grin and lifted up the Masterful Adamantine War Axe and inaugurated it to be called Zilirustos from that day on. And Urist did find the other Dwarves of the Mountainhomes and the beatings did begin.
And limps were dismembered bodies die after colliding with obstructions. And Blood was spilt and Armok did smile upon little Urist and he was brutally beaten to death by the Dwarves of the Mountainhomes. And when the Dwarves did realize what they had done, they saw a plumphelmet sprout from the mutilated corpse of Urist. And they did brew the plumphelmet and they did drink and briefly did not fight.
And Armok saw that it was good.