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Author Topic: The Grimoire of Armok! post your passages to be chosen for the book of our god!  (Read 16391 times)

idgarad

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Do not drink of the blood of the wererat for it is unclean.

On the last day of Obsidian you shall take of the Beasts their hearts and burn it upon the altar whom are of adult age. For with the coming of the Spring the old shall make way for the new.

Do not worship the beasts that change shape for they are unclean.

Waste not a drop of blood lest ye anger the Lord of the Stone.

The blood shall be dried in the cavern winds on linen sheets held aloft a wooden cask. The sheets shall be folded and stored in a clean cask and sealed so the spirits of stone may feast upon them and grant you favor with Armok.
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Misterstone

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And Armok spoke: "Consider thee the cat, wielding fang and claw it slaughtereth all the crawling things of the earth in great profusion.  It preserveth its master from the lesser deaths of disease and famine, and keeps him well for a warrior's death.  Breeding with great fecundity, its fur and bone bedecketh the wealthy and poor alike, and all feed upon its flesh and tallow.  Yeah, let the feline be a sign of my favor unto dwarf and man alike, that they might study closely its ferocity and feed well upon its substance."
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Karakzon

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That seems to be enought for the book of Urist.

i cannot post its completion here untill i get the go ahead to the use of the text: On the origins of dwarfs by Piecewise.
untill then, please post for the Book of Id!
This is essentialy the enginearing book, so knowledge and storys - well do mega projects in the masons-miners book wich will be the third one, so keep those ideas bubbling for that, but i need material for the Book of Id.



Once all these drafts are done ill have to make a new thread for their editing by the wider community to enrich the pages of such a holy works.
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piecewise

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Feel free to use it, I can even assist you in this thing if you wish. I had ideas for all sorts of things to add, more so now that there are new versions.

Scaraban

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Feel free to use it, I can even assist you in this thing if you wish. I had ideas for all sorts of things to add, more so now that there are new versions.
piecewise is with us!
shit just got real
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piecewise

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Not sure if this is helpful or not (or if you've ever seen it) but I wrote this a few whiles ago

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=58081.0

Humans exploring an abandoned Fortress and discovering the horrors that lurk in the deep. Fits roughly within the context of megaprojects, explanation of dwarfish technology (how they light those tunnels, what a masterwork engraving looks like), not to mention creation myth and other lore. Use excerpts or the whole thing as you see fit.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2011, 05:03:45 pm by piecewise »
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Cespinarve

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An excerpt from Commentaries on the Third Book of Armok by Urist Nómil:

"... it is hard not to be embarrassed by these early portions of the book, both in a diplomatic sense and on a purely moral one. The author of the majority of the third book, a figure know to scholars solely as U, is legendary for his rabid anti-elven vitriol, calling on numerous occasions for violence of all sorts. Despite our embarrassments with his angrier pronouncements, it is U who gives us some of the Grimoire's most poetic phrases:

'... for tis like His tears
Is magma's burning embrace
We are ourselves not worthy
Of the fire of his love.
Blood of all sorts is his to cherish
Blood of body
Blood of mind
Blood of soul.
Oh Armok, sweet Armok
Weep again for me
So that in fire's touch I may be cleansed'
-AIII, 12:15

This passage, and other's like it were most famously quoted in the Hammerer Court with Regina v. Izeg Gunlelilir (1250) when Herr Gunlelilir argued that Rhesus Macaques should be adopted into a Fortress's population on the grounds that they too were often consumed by magma. The crown dismissed the argument by pointing out that it was their fellow dwarves dropping magma on the macaques, and Gunlelilir had his skull smashed in on the 4th of GAlena, in accordance to the custom of the time."
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Nice one, not sure when I'll be feeling like killing a baby but these things are good to know.
This is why we can't have nice things... someone will just wind up filling it with corpses.
Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife — chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Karakzon

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Feel free to use it, I can even assist you in this thing if you wish. I had ideas for all sorts of things to add, more so now that there are new versions.

Thanks, its greatly apreciated.

And thanks for joining us peicewise :) ill get to reading your text now. feel free to put anything else you think up on this thread as suggestions.

and as for the offer of help: it would be greatly apreciated. Im handling stitching up the drafts into the books. After that, ill post them on here for you and others to edit them/add to them. -I live in England mind, so my online times will differ from alot of people- if its generaly agreed that the edits are better, or if they are so obviously better, then the changes will be made to the copy i have made in a word document -just so we have a copy thats all together- and made to the text on here.
when its all finished ill host it on the magma wiki if their administrators think its suitable, and if not, ill just make a new topic with the entire book in it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We need the text for Book Id working out now people! mechanism and storys of magma stacks etc. traps and magma fun :)
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MadJax

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I've already done the discovery of mechanisms and floodgates on a previous page, that also doubles as a kind of tutorial for farms, yet I've come up with something for traps:

"Urist looked upon the young hamlet he had created. Having successfully staved off hunger thanks to the vermin that run amok, he greeted a caravan from the Mountainhomes and purchased ample seeds. The six migrants that arrived helped in getting their farm running smoothly, but that was last year. Now, in the Early Spring of the year of Armok 17, things were progressing smoothly. Others had joined the fledgling outpost, and an elven caravan had arrived. Whilst the appointed broker was attempting to sell a variety of useless rocks for cloth, Urist was sat in his office with another "Mechanic". He had no trust for these people, they spat on everything the dwarves stood for with their "machines". The mechanic, Id, was describing his latest ideas.

"Put simply, at the moment we throw stones at any would be attackers. Whilst this is sufficient to do damage, we have already had many injuries as a rhesus macaque or stray elephant has been able to reach our people in the middle of stone deliveries. My idea is this, why not construct a simple platform above an entryway, maybe a bottleneck, that would drop the stone whenever an enemy was near." he explained. Urist simply nodded, in the middle of day-dreaming with his finger up his nose. "I can have a few of these up within a day if you give your go ahead.."

Urist nodded once more, content with his search for nose-treasure, not really hearing what this lever-loving hippy was up to.

The day continued apace, the meeting with the elven liason went as predicted with the usual demands for less tree's bieng cut, even though Urist had only ordered about twenty tree's felled for beds. Out of spite, Urist told the Elf where to stick his tree's before ordering every tree in a mile radius cut. As Urist rested in his room, taking a sip from his dwarven ale, Id rushed in.

"Urist! Goblins! Ambush! Ale!" signalling an attack, and also Id's drink break. Urist snapped to attention and rushed towards the entrance of the outpost. No walls had been set up yet, but running down the corridor to the stairways to the surface, he noted several strange devices above him. A report came in of a woodcutter bieng struck down, and Urist had to panic as everyone in the vicinty decided to rush out the entrance, chanting "Socks!". He never would understand their mystical power that fascinates every dwarf. As quick as flash, he raised his voice above the din. "Everyone! Down below! No-one is to leave the living quarters! We will fight them there!".

Amazingly, it worked, everyone filed downwards, complaining quietly about the fact they wouldn't be able to reach those beautiful socks.

The goblin ambush inched closer to the entrance. Fizzleguts, the leader of this party, smelled easy prey and ordered his green horde forward and down the stairs. The corridor was clear, a defence unworthy of any living bieng. His goblins walked forward carefully, watching every opening. The lead goblin let out a shriek as his head was turned into a fine paste by a falling rock. Shortly, goblin moans and screams could be heard even down in the living quarters, only overshadowed by the shrieks for goblin socks from below.

Urist sounded the all clear when the noises had gone, and was greeted by a sight that amused and confused him as the others rushed towards the bountiful footwear above. The goblins were crushed under the very stone that had once clogged up the corridors. He turned and saw Id smiling to himself quietly. "I think, after you have sorted this mess out, that you'd better come to my offce so we can discuss more of these ideas you have..." shrugged Urist. Believer or not, he had seen goblins smeared by this seemingly simple device, a fact that any dwarf can admire."
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Dwarven Math:

Dorf + Magma + Insane Project = SCIENCE!

EmperorJon

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"And Armok said, let there be magma, to heat the very bones of the earth, and the Dwarves saw that this was fine and good, and the puny Elves shunned the depths even more, so Armok said let magma burn the puny Elves, and the Dwarves saw that this was also fine and good, and the Elves screamed and ran."
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I think it's the way towns develop now. In the beginning, people move into a town. Then they start producing tables, which results in more and more tables. Soon tables represent a significant portion of the population, they start lobbying for new laws and regulations, putting people to greater and greater disadvantage...
Link for full quote. 'tis mighty funny.

Karakzon

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Getting permission to put the dwarfen drinking song into the book of Urist.

and writting the draft up for the rest of the book wile i wait.
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Karakzon

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as compensation, i redrew up the Book of worldgenesis:

Book of WorldGenesis 1:1
Armok, in his eternal wisdom, made a thousand worlds a thousand times. In the 7th day of creation, Armok stopped. And in his eternal helm, he nodded. And it was good.
And lo, in the times before time, Armok smiled at his creation. Through many hardships, he had crafted a land to call his own. Unbeknownst to him cometh a dark force from the nether, Hiddenifious Funturio Stuffaria, self proclaimed lord of the dark denizens. The abominations sought chaos and destruction in the form of twisted tentacles and flying excrement, and laughed at Armok's fertile land.
Armok smiled, and said unto himself "And so, Hiddenifious, you present me a worthy battle that I may partake in. The slaughter shall be joyous, and you will be immortalised forever." And thus he bore the titans, first of Armok's living creations, to combat this new threat. The battle lasted millennia; many demons fell to the titans, themselves suffering many casualties. The land was ravaged and many titans grew unstable from the millennia of battle they had endured. Armok felt the hidden presence of Hiddenifious, gleefully twisting these weary titans, making them dangerous and insane.
On the final days of the battle, Armok declared his weariness of this battle, and using the sacred Divine Blue, crafted hundreds, maybe thousands of enchanted blades with his own strong will. Hiddenifious, worried by this development, pulled his forces back to the underworld from which they had spawned. Hoping that the fortresses they had created from the Dark Rock would protect them from the divine ones wrath. Infuriated by their introduction of this foreign substance onto his land, Armok cast the blades into the fortresses themselves, sealing them forever.
Years passed as the titans and Armok sought to rebuild the world, their twisted and insane brethren still wandered the land, forests and meadows had been destroyed, oceans had been boiled. Over the year, Armok gathered the twisted titans, and sealed them as under the earth as guardians of the deep. Oceans of magma were formed, the blood of the divine one himself, in order to keep secret the denizens that lay beneath. As further protection, Armok would seal any potential weak points with the Divine Blue metal in the shape of tubes. Just as the Dark Rock could not be manipulated by his own will, the forces of Hiddenifious could not manipulate the Divine Blue.
And lo, he proclaimed to the Titans: "Hear me, you who are still of mind. Your brethren will be sealed beneath, in the very womb of my world, and shall be forgotten. I shall not interfere with the actions of this land again, yet I shall create new peoples whom shall battle each other, and offer a sacrifice of blood. The frail Humans, whose flesh shall age quicker than most, the elegant Elves; who shall value the land above all else, and consume the flesh of other because of this. The Goblins; a savage race whom shall be at odds with all others, The Kobolds; who value materials above life. And finally, my favoured children, the Dwarves; whom shall be guided by my divine servants to compensate for their lack of intelligence."
As one the Titans let loose a cry: "But Master, what shall we do about the damage? Will you not lend us your divine grace to help us recover?"
With a blink, Armok summoned into existence a being. Green and tall, with bulbous eyes and a wide grin. "My servant, The Great Toad, shall oversee future repairs and improvements. By his blessing shall these lands be granted more life."
The Titans rejoiced, and yet held their heads high once more: "And what now of you, our master?"
To which Armok replied: "And now, I shall retreat to the Twelfth Bay of the void, where my servant of Three Toes shall entertain me with stories of the races and their actions." And with that, Armok was gone. The first of his five races awoke to the world, bleary eyed and primitive.
The Great Toad watched the event, and simply muttered: "Blood. For the Blood God." before croaking.
- Found Engraved upon a crystal in the cave of ancestors

Book of WorldGenesis 1:2
The Great Toad looked upon his new charge, the creations of Armok milled forth. After which, he populated the world with new creatures, the likes of which none had ever seen. Great Dragons were hatched, and stalked the lands. Giants, Ettins and even the fabled Bronze Colossi roamed free, presenting new challenges for the sapient races. For as hard as The Great Toad would try, Sapience was beyond his power. The feel of Hiddenifious' power would still seep through from below, granting sapience to primitive beings such as the Troglodytes, and even twisting the fungal Plump Helmets into walking beings.

All was well, and this would signify the arrival of the divine ones, Armoks chosen ones: "Players" within the game of life, who would descend from the Twelfth Bay and guide the dwarves to their destiny. At times they would also be charged with granting Adventurers the skill and guidance needed to succeed. At others, to guide an entire species to glory. The Great Toad even witnessed other Divine Ones changing their appointed lands, adding new species, new rocks and metals, and even changing the very fabric of their chosen races. Indeed, Armok had seen fit to grant these Divine Ones with free will, and abilities beyond even the plans of the Great Toad, his most loyal servant.

On The divine servants:
Some of these Divine have abandoned Armok, and decided to worship gods created in their minds. Gods and beings such as Jehovah, Allah, the Jade Emperor, and many others have been thought of and worshipped by countless mislead Divine ones. Many more fail to carry out their main duty: to create and destroy worlds, to create and destroy their own world, and to lead the dwarves of their created worlds to do the same. Thus the titans were enraged, and did battle with these false pretenders. The great servant Toady watched on, changing existence a piece at a time. His plan to fulfil the blood god’s wishes slowly coming to fruition.

Those who bring glory to Armok, carry out their purpose, and show others of the divine the path of blood shall be rewarded in a glorious after life. They will be taken to a heaven of Dwarfhalla! A place filled with deep tunnels dug into the ground, massive adamantine megaprojects, rivers and lakes of magma, and Masterful crafts made from the remains of slaughtered elves. The realm closest to the Twelfth Bay of the void.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This history shall be written in blood, and for every drop laid down in the name of the dwarfs, every drop I say! Every drop laid down in the name of the GREAT GOD ARMOK HIMSELF! Shall be used to wash away the sins of the none believers! And give birth the hero’s who shall come. With Adamantine, Steel, Iron, Silver, Bishtmund bronze and copper, with the very rocks at our feet! We shall smite down all who are under the sway of the daemon, the mutant, the heretic! Forward brothers of Armok! Forward! Into the breach, honour our god with the blood of the dark hordes!

- Rally cry from Karakzon, during the battle of blood and horror in a time before time, during the Strife of founding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This makes the first book into two parts. the Book of Urist is being orderd into the number of storys that fit into its pages, so far from contributions, thats around 3 or 4, ill add more as they arise/i get to them.
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Wannazzaki

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Extract from the Epistles of Wannazzaki (Aptly dubbed the hilarious end by his followers)-

"And Armok shal smite the unbelievers! The heretic! And the inferior races from the side of the world with his wrath, be it in the form of magma, of lightning or of flash freezing hapless miners who dont pay attention to the weather!" the grand heirophant of Castlecrazy bellowed from the top of his sacrificial tower, pointing with one hand to the congregation below and the other into the hapless, terrified figures below in the enclosed and inescapble pinnacle of the tower. Elves and goblins alike cowering in terror, putting their differences aside to be joined in unity at their abject, bowel loosening fear. "And these wretches, imperfect in their form shall be returned to the firey womb of the earth, to be consumed by magma and sent back to our father!" and with that he pulled the lever, the mechanisms engaging with an impressive series of clanks and grinds. His stubby arms held high, waiting for the screams...that did not happen. He looks around, into the pit, and then to the quiet audience. "And they will be returned to the womb of the earth!" he shouts to the sky, pulling the lever again. A grind. Nothing. Losing his temper the heirophant gives the lever a kick, and another kick, and another, rapidly going from charismatic sermon to angry tantrum as his belover tower disobeys him. Hopping on the spot the great overlord loses his footing, toppling backwards with a strangled yelp. Thudding into the floor of the tower the occupants would be upon him, such a gristly end for the great esteemed spiritual leader, but then Armok blessed him, the mechanisms finally lurching into life and dropping the occupants down the shaft, returning his failed creations to the womb of creation. It was noted as ironic by his most devour followers that he would guide his malformed flock back to Armok. The rest decided he was just a clumsy tit.


Edit: you may have noticed my spelling of Amrok/Armok varies. Ignore this. Im a complete twonk >.>
« Last Edit: February 18, 2011, 05:46:31 pm by Wannazzaki »
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Son of Slaanesh, full of desire, He does cocaine and his head's on fire! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider! Doom rider! Na na, na na!

Karakzon

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Book of Urist
On the Origin of Dwarves
Long before our times, during the times of yore when great beasts stalked the darkness and tore civilization’s forebears asunder, there came to this world a strange new race: the dwarves. The ancestry of the dwarves is muddled and confused, often times contradictory, impossible, incestuous or all three. This can mainly be contributed to the dwarven tendency to keep their history through the use of engravings, rather then books or even oral tradition. Dwarves, being a subterranean people, rarely create paper and lack the memories to pass down stories of their ancestors in any reasonable fashion; this inability is mostly blamed on their near constant state of inebriation. Also unfortunate to would be historians is the dwarven tendency to place these historical engravings 60 feet underground and surrounded by all manner of deadly traps, questionable architecture and various slavering beasts. If one didn’t know better it would seem as though they are deliberately hiding their past.
Through what can be recovered the origin of dwarven kind (according to their creation myths) is as follows:
[removed] From this coupling was born the first of dwarven kind, the Mountain King. He was born with a battle ax and bottomless tankard clutched in his tiny hands and his body was covered in such copious amounts of hair that he might easily have been mistaken for a bearded bear cub. The Mountain King was raised by a Granite Boulder and grew strong upon a diet of booze, cave mushrooms and the blood of his enemies. At age 4 he killed a bear in a staring contest and at age 7 he domesticated the first wagon. Upon his ascendancy into manhood he destroyed the boulder which had raised him and reshaped it into the first anvil, proclaiming:
“Reg limar, abod ber, avuz thol, or mabdug, nokor buket!”
These words would echo forever through dwarvenkind, though it is said that another phrase was within this motto. The lost phrase is said to have been:
“Gatiz emar agak.”
Though what this phrase means has been lost to us and inquiries to dwarven historians often end in violence. What little can be gathered is that it seems to relate to animal husbandry.
His childhood behind him, the Mountain King set about founding the first Mountain Home, digging out most of the mountain by himself using only his bare hands and frighteningly calloused manhood. His lavish home now complete and balanced entirely upon a single pillar he set out to make his name known and to find a wife worthy of baring his fuzzy offspring. The first civilization he came upon were the elves, a race of naked and eternally beautiful feyfolk who abhorred the use of trees or animals for any means. It was said that when they met the Mountain King was in the process of beating a mountain lion to death with a wolf. The elves, in their kindness, attempted to persuade the Mountain King to follow their naturalistic ways. In response the Mountain King tore off the head druid’s face and promptly began using it as his undergarments. Before the shocked elven masses he announced:
“Etar linem etes gubel lor."
Which, roughly translated, means:
[removed]
Since this epochal meeting the relations between the elves and dwarves have continued to be tense, often times ending in massive forest fires, rampant cannibalism, horrifying dismemberment or, worst of all, crossbreeding. His duty done, the Mountain King continued his journey through the primal world. He next came upon the goblins and was delighted to find that their skinny limbs and necks broke with even the gentlest of hammer blows. After a brief campaign of recreational genocide the Mountain King grew bored of his new playthings and continued on, leaving the goblins broken and scattered, connected only by their intense hatred of small, bearded people. This hatred continues to this day, resulting in nearly constant goblin raids against dwarven settlements. Unfortunately, goblins' limbs and neck still snap with the ease of twigs, making these valiant efforts more or less meaningless.
The last race which the Mountain King discovered was that of Humans, still in their fragile and frightened infancy. Taking rare pity upon the gangly and awkward race, the Mountain King gifted them with weapons, armor and booze, ensuring a stable business and war partner as well as drinking buddy for generations to come. It was after finding this last race that the Mountain King realized he was still without a wife and was beginning to feel the effects of his decades of celibacy. After a tour of countless brothels and leaving a swath of broken pelvises and dislocated jaws behind him The Mountain king finally returned to his home. Determined to have his bride, the Mountain King built a tower to the heavens themselves and petitioned Armok, God of Blood, to grant him a wife. Armok agreed, on the condition that all their descendants from first to last be cursed with a tendency to die horribly. The Mountain King gladly agreed.
The wife which he was given, The Queen of All Stone, was truly a rightful receiver of his seed and wore a beard that could match his own. It was from these two that all dwarven kind sprang (or walked, being that dwarves don't really spring, hop, jump, skip or do anything that means removing more than one foot from the ground).
From this common ancestor onward the genealogy is scattered and unsure, engraved upon bars of soap and metal beds across the world. Many believe that the first child of the Mountain King was a girl by the name of Urist. Records become scarce beyond this but what little can be found indicate that she was notorious trickster and prone to paranoid mania, preferring to remain isolated. From this point on we can only guess.

The 7 commandments of Urist:
Thou shalt not-*lost in translation*
Thou shalt not use thine precious adamantium to make retro bell bottoms, thus spake Armok through his Fashion Master, Master of Fashion.
Thou shalt not taunt the happy fun magma
Though shalt not kill thine fellow dwarf, unless thou art in the grips of a fell mood, then the artefact must be at least of the value fifty thousand dorfbux, lest the hammered plaster thine skull to the floor
Thou shalt not carve engraven figurines, unless they are to trade the picky elves for their cave spiders
Thou shalt always pull the lever when commanded, lest you be the first to taste goblinite
Thou shalt not mandate the production of slade earrings. Ever

In the time of Urist, long before yore, a holy drinking song was struck up. Here it is now for all servants of Armok, created by master bard-dwarfs between a thousand barrels of ale.

(four bar intro)

In forests and hills of legend and lore
There once lived a clan of the elves we abhor
Their arrogant height and their pansy décor
Were merely the first of the crimes they'd pay for!

Now these elves had a problem, a terrible plight,
They didn't know ale and they had no fist-fights,
Their lives were pale shadows, their boredom a blight,
So they went to the dwarves to deliver their spite.

For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.

Came the elves to the fortress, the mountain-home grand,
They indicted the baron; "You've clear cut this land!
You have chopped down our brethren, you short little man,
Of course this means war, now deliver, now stand!"

(two bars’ pause for drunken laughter)

When the elves were all dead, the dwarves were confused,
Who were these strange fools, so quickly abused?
"More blood for the blood god," the Baron's wife mused,
And they went back beneath where the hot magma oozed.

For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.

Well the dwarves kept on choppin’ that forest to stumps
And the elves’ fighting spirits were down in the dumps
They sieged once again, but were met by the pumps
While the elves’ fat was melting, the dwarves got more plump!

(one bar’s pause for drunken chortling)

Back in the forest, at the elven retreat
The elves were quite puzzled by this sound defeat
“Perhaps,” said the druid, “we shouldn’t compete,
“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Now pass me the meat!”

For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.

In the Smooth Points of Pride, a new fortress was found,
With incredible wealth in the depths of the ground,
And the elves came to trade though they scowled and they frowned,
For the trinkets of this place were scepters and crowns.

A talc ring for berries, a goblet for cloth,
It seemed that the riches were sweet heady broth,
So the elves kept on coming, despite their great wroth,
Till the day it all ended in red bloody froth.

For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.

(two bar quiet pause)

(spoken; 8 bars each paragraph)
And it happened that on one day an elven noble name Lema Ceraliceyi came to this puckered sphincter of a fortress, and she looked upon the wasted jungle where the dwarves had taken the wood they so desperately needed for beds, bins, and boxes, and she was taken with a mighty rage. In her hubris she descended upon the leader of the fortress and said unto him, "You have disrespected the trees in this area, but this is what we have come to expect from your stunted kind. Further abuse cannot be tolerated. Let this be a warning to you."

And this so enraged the mayor of that cursed fortress that a gleam came into his eye, and he swept her a bow and shed a tear, and whispered promises to her of a new respect for nature, if only she and her gleaming brethren would return again, to trade and teach them the ways of leaf and branch. And Lema Ceraliceyi was gratified and decieved, and left in foolish confidence that her sick arboreal fetish would be welcomed here when she returned. But such was not to be...

(sung quietly)
In the following year, they brought wagons so full,
Full of berries and barrels and silk cloth and wool,
And the elves tried to trade with the elephant herders,
(build)
Who slaughtered them slowly while screaming BOATMURDERED!

(solo interlude!)

For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.

For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.

The Sermons of Urist: 1:1

The Mountainhomes:

In the Time before Time, the vile goblin forces set siege upon the Mountainhomes.  Their sickly green skin covered the ground, turning the colour of the charred stone foundations, gathering in front of the Mountainhome's cut stone battlements.  To greet the siege were little more than militia, armed with bone bows and bolts, cowering near-naked behind the battlements of the stone walls.  The Mountainhome's only defensive structure stood a ways in front of the main drawbridge, manned by the dwarven king himself.

The goblins shouted across the killing field, "You are weak!  Your crossbows will barely scratch our skin, and your gold shall be ours in short time!  Lay yourself prone, and we will kill you mercifully!"

Urist, a descendant of the ancient dwarven king of old stood his ground, and spoke, "A force of blind archers could push you aside, for they are not our might.  As any dwarf worth his beard knows... give me a lever and a place to rest it..."  He stood on the single defensive piece, grasping the handle and turning the lever.  The mountain itself roared to life, and molten fire spewed from the rough hewn walls, spreading out across the field and down over the heads of the goblins.

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For we are dwarves, we are the mountains, and the mountains are us.
- The Grand Heirophant Wannazzaki the Mad Hands of Grasping

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The Sermons of Urist: 1:2

And Urist said, "What shall I do to these goblins that are assaulting my fort?"
And Armok said, "Open up the volcano, and let its fiery blood engulf the goblins."
And Urist said, "The elves refused our offer of -alder crown-s! What shall I do?"
And Armok said, "Open the volcano, let the heat of magma be your broker to the elven scum!"
And Urist said, "The migrants have no useful skills, they hog the ale, and the last time I turned them into a militia they just got eaten by that iron hydra of doom You created! Oh, what shall I do?"
And Armok said, "Let them be stationed over the volcano."
And Urist said, "The baron is requesting three aluminium items, but we only have two aluminium bars! The last time this happened he had the weapon smith’s arms broken, causing indirectly the deaths of several dozen dwarves to the iron hydra of doom! Oh what should I, what CAN I do?"
And Armok said, "Make for the baron two aluminium items, a floodgate and a lever. Placing them in a room by the magma pipe and hooking them up with alunite mechanisms. See if he needs the third item."
And Urist said, "Great Armok! I desperately need your wisdom! The baron pulled a lever that flooded half the fortress with magma, melting the iron hydra of doom and ceasing his necrotic gases, as well as cleaning up the flying skinless turtle's deadly blood, but half of the fortress is dead, everyone else except for a woodcutter is trapped inside, and the food and alcohol have burnt to a crisp! Whatever can I do to survive?"
And Armok said, "Use more magma next time."
-The recorded ramblings of the Mechanic Urist during the siege of fire blades

The Sermons of Urist: 1:3

On the afterlife: The Great Toad gazed upon his charge and found life to be fleeting. With the wheel of time came death, whether natural (Extremely unlikely) or mishap (Almost certain), every living being is eventually extinguished. For the Humans, Armok created a paradise. Lands filled with gatherings of a sexual nature and plentiful luxuries. It was indeed a place for humans to spend their eternal rest. For the Elves, it was the sacred forest. A land surrounded in mist and filled with tree's taller than any that would ever grace the lands of the living, where the Elves could dance gaily amongst their own, and gorge on the plentiful flesh of fallen enemies from life. The Goblins, due to their violent nature, would arrive at the obsidian citadel, where they would never work and would be locked in eternal glorious battle. The Kobolds too, would arrive at the obsidian gates, to find a wealth of useless riches for them to partake.

Most interesting of all were the Dwarves. As favoured children of Armok, they would spend their eternity in his palace. By day, they would revel in glorious battles against former foes, whilst at night they would partake in great feasts and merriment amongst their ancestors. By morning this cycle would repeat itself.

But in order to proceed past the Adamantine gates of the afterlife, it was decreed by The Great Toad that each Dwarf must hold a monument to their name, whether it be by grave or slab. Else, they must return to the realm of the living to see that this is done. Many a dwarven ghost is infuriated by this, which can cause much damage and distress amongst the living.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I need sleep but my Dwarfs require battlements with dragon statues that shoot lava.
Words of the divine one Pwndja as recorded by Urist when he heard them in his sleep
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The Sermons of Urist: 1:4

Armok, he who is mightiest above all other things. Stronger then the rock, fiercer than the great North wind, Swifter than the desert hare. His is the blood of the world, the liquid fire that flows deep beneath the surface. His is the blood of the beasts, shed by them that we may live. His is our blood that flows within us and give us passion, spirit, and the will to dominate all we see. He gave his blood to us, that we may be stronger than the worshippers of the soft elder gods, their blood diluted by falsities and lack of drive. And so, we must return that blood, so shall our warriors give it to him when we shed it on the field of battle.  So we shall dedicate the blood of our enemies to him, that he may take it up and remake them in a way more fitting to his thoughts. So speaks Armok, and so we obey!
Blood for the Blood God!

Armok! At the dawn of time you created us, your chosen race! You filled us with your blood, that we might be strong and crush our enemies. Here is new blood, fresh and strong, untainted by the ravages of time and labour! We give him/her to you, that his blood may be taken and its strength spread into our people, that the children that shall follow will be given his/her blood by you,  and then  given to the children who shall come after!

 That his blood may be reborn into a hundred strong Dwarves, who shall carry your divine truth with them, in battle and in trade, in anger and in peace. Let his blood go to them, and let his spirit be taken to your side and reborn as a Spirit of Fire, a messenger of your divine will! Let him serve you until the end of time, when all blood slows and all fires burn low. Let him then come forth with your mighty host and purge the world with your Holy Fire, and let him sow the seeds of a new race that shall reign for eternity in a paradise of your making!

~ Gospel of Armok by high priest twwolfe, accompanied by mutilation and sacrifice of high ranking warrior prisoners on the high temple of Armok. A member of every species was included.

The Sermons of Urist: 1:5

Ritual for Sacrifice to Armok:

When the sun peeks over the horizon, you shall take from each of your herds one of the finest beasts you possess. You shall bath it in water sanctified by a priest, and then. When noontime comes, you shall take the ritual knife and make one clean cut across the neck. Catch every last drop of the blood that pours forth. Two hours before the high sacrifice, build a raging bonfire, made of hardwood and herbs for sweetness of scent. At one hour before the high sacrifice, you shall pour the life blood of the beasts upon the fire, taking care not to douse the flame. This is to prepare it to receive the blood of Armok’s chosen sacrifice. The bodies of the beasts shall them be put on separate fires, to be cooked for the feast.

During the feast, let each person partake of a bite of the sanctified meat. If there is some left over, let it be given to the women, for they shall need its strength to bear the children of Armok.

-Ordained ritual of sacrifice, ordained by high priest twwolfe

The Sermons of Urist: 1:6

"And Armok shall smite the unbelievers! The heretic! And the inferior races from the side of the world with his wrath, be it in the form of magma, of lightning or of flash freezing hapless miners who don’t pay attention to the weather!" the grand hierophant of Castlecrazy bellowed from the top of his sacrificial tower, pointing with one hand to the congregation below and the other into the hapless, terrified figures below in the enclosed and inescapable pinnacle of the tower. Elves and goblins alike cowering in terror, putting their differences aside to be joined in unity at their abject, bowel loosening fear. "And these wretches, imperfect in their form shall be returned to the fiery womb of the earth, to be consumed by magma and sent back to our father!" and with that he pulled the lever, the mechanisms engaging with an impressive series of clanks and grinds. His stubby arms held high, waiting for the screams...that did not happen. He looks around, into the pit, and then to the quiet audience. "And they will be returned to the womb of the earth!" he shouts to the sky, pulling the lever again. A grind. Nothing. Losing his temper the hierophant gives the lever a kick, and another kick, and another, rapidly going from charismatic sermon to angry tantrum as his beloved tower disobeys him. Hopping on the spot the great overlord loses his footing, toppling backwards with a strangled yelp. Thudding into the floor of the tower the occupants would be upon him, such a gristly end for the great esteemed spiritual leader, but then Armok blessed him, the mechanisms finally lurching into life and dropping the occupants down the shaft, returning his failed creations to the womb of creation. It was noted as ironic by his most devour followers that he would guide his malformed flock back to Armok. The rest decided he was just a clumsy tit.
Extract from the Epistles of Wannazzaki (Aptly dubbed the hilarious end by his followers)-

The Sermons of Urist: 1:7

[The following is sung by as many dorfs as can be congregated (Humans may substitute, elfs may be used for agonizing-screams-background-music)]
They rushed with great speed into the tusked hordes,
 and many tusks fell to their axes and swords.
The Trolls lay defeated, but some did escape,
the champions returning, the noble-mouth agape.
The tusks gleaming brightly in big mountainhall,
forever rememb'ring the Trolls that did fall.

And thus the Trolls were made by our Lord,
their tusks shimmer fondly as mugs in our hoard.

-The slaying of the trolls by Blackdutchie

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Regarding the mysterious darkness known as F. Pee-Ess: It is not know exactly what can summon this malevolent force into being, however it should be noted that a large congregation of dwarves or other creatures can affect the space-time flux, causing an apparent distortion or "slowing" of time in the vicinity. One confirmed fact, is that the dark force is attracted to cats, which may go some way to explaining the suspicion held by dwarves about them.
-Scholar Madjax on the dark servant F. Pee-Ess
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unknown to thy dwarfy Hands, Lord F Pee S was once an actual Dwarf. He had suffered from thy hands of kobolds, goblins, humans, and other pure dwarfs. In revenge, he gathered an occult group of like minded Dwarfs and created a group called Lost Attackers Group, Or L.A.G.
- Scholar Icee77 on L.A.G. the extremist dark dwarf group that worships the dreaded HFS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Sermons of Urist: 1:8

And thus, for doing Armok's bidding, Urist was rewarded with the fruits of his labour: a fort that towered over the cities of the humans, that shamed the retreats of the elves, that resisted the most violent goblin attacks.
Urist became the first king of the dwarfs. All of his demands where reasonable: crafts when they needed something to trade, and bins when the crafts began to pile up, and cloths when the dwarfs became naked. They did not wear them anyway. In return, Urist was given gifts from his fellow dwarfs: large carved out rooms from the miners, masterwork beds from the carpenters, masterwork cabinets from the masons, and masterwork engravings from the engravers.
Armok had a gift for him as well. One of the masons fell under a strange spell and began demanding all kinds of materials from the other dwarfs: stone, cloth, jewels, and much more. Urist granted his requests, waiting eagerly to see what he was making.
It was a granite anvil named "Firststrikes". All of the weapons and armour made on this anvil had the hardness of steal, even though no such material existed yet, and they all were of the highest quality. More anvils where made on this one, so the gift of metal smithing could be given to all future dwarfs. Urist celebrated by dumping magma on elves.

The Last Days of Urist
Urist had a suit of armour made for himself and his militia, which proved useful as the goblins attacked and where easily destroyed. Urist had grown confident in the abilities of his armour, too confident. During one siege, Urist went by a non-obsidianized part of the river near the fort. He was fighting 3 goblin swordsmen, whose stone weapons stood no match for his metal armour. He felt a slight tug on his boot, but he could not take any attention away from the battle. He then felt a large pull that knocked him to the ground. He looked down and saw a carp. The insidious carp where not happy with the magma being dumped into the river and they planned on punishing Urist for it. With his armour weighing him down, as he was dragged into the water and was ripped to pieces by the evil creatures. Urist's companions saw this, and, to this day, dwarfs are afraid of carp.

-Tales of the first Dwarven king upon the declaration of the first mountainhome. And the history of the anvil penned by Notpete the renowned dwavren historian

The Sermons of Urist: 1:9

Extract from the final book of Urist McApostle, self proclaimed Apostle (And other proclaimed idiot) of Armok-
We are close. The sound singing from a rich vein of adamantium is on the other side of this wall. The echoes hint at a cavern. That shall not stop us! What lives in these caverns? Ogres? Crocodiles? Even the forgotten beasts are no match for our might; no we will go onwards, defending the miners as they uncover the blessed blood of our god.

They have done it! By all that is great and mighty they have done it! We are through! We can hear the precious metal singing to us. But there is another sound. What is that? I become nervous even as I write, but the miners laugh at me and tell me it is but the sound of a crundle. The little crustacean delicacies I have so enjoyed. The day gets better, I even get a meal! What was- I heard a scream. An unholy blood curdling scream! That sound again... like a billion chittering legs. Suddenly my previous trepidation returns, no crundle should make that sound. Then I see it! My fellow dwarves are fleeing, dropping their picks from the darkness. Why is this? I must see. I ask what is happening? No answer. Just pushing and scrambling. I grow angry, how dare they ignore me, servant of Armok! But- now i see it. It’s a few crundles, one, two...no four and five. What is the-? Oh no...Then I see it. A wave of chitinous shell and horn, a roiling wave of angry red death on tiny legs! I have moments to live, if this account survive-

The recovered records show after this moment the apostle was dead, the blood and dirt smeared over the remaining pages imply that he had given up hope and fallen to his knees, awaiting his god. More than likely he is being punished for not running like any sane son of the stone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For his blood is the reward to his people who scour the world clean of his most hated and powerful foes, for those who can truly harm a god to be put so low by his people makes him weep tears of joy, and thus adamantium was gifted to the brave...and will take the life of the unprepared, reckless or arrogant enough to think they can harvest the watching gods blood without paying their price in demons flesh sundered and murdered.
- The Grand Heirophant Wannazzaki the Mad Hands of Grasping
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The Book of Urist! enjoy your reading. Get started on the Book of Id you currs!

btw: Malakai is the patron god of Mechanisms and fey moods in the name of Armok for this book -Malakai Malakaisson reference from Gotrex and felix-

Also: i need art for the book, if anyone can draw, or can get ahold of artists to help in this Grimoires creation, please help. everyone will be listed in the credits for their bits at the end of the book.

As for the permission for certain materials: Im posting them here as they would be included if we did get permission, i do not claim ownership or creationship of those specific items of awesomeness. all artists will be referenced for their work. i humbly ask you allow us to include your works of greatness for the glory of Armok.


-Front page updated-
« Last Edit: March 09, 2011, 05:17:32 am by ThreeToe »
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Karakzon

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--bump--

ill be starting the book of mechanisms and fey moods (Ids book) soon. it will be apreciated if we have material suggestions from people to go into it. But if none are forth coming, i will improvise the vast majority of the origonal draft.

ill not go onto the other books untill the first 3 ones are finished.
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