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The Holy Roman Empire

2 (14.3%)

The Timurids

3 (21.4%)

The Mongols

0 (0%)

The Papal States (Oh god, don't do it.)

9 (64.3%)

Spain

0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 14

[Zrk2]

Really???  I thought they were a little weak, but I've always wondered about writing novels, so I probably jsut can't accept the fact that I'm not a very good author.

Minor spoilers, but being a vassal doesn't suck. Also, when you offer a diplomatic exchange, and they decline it, apparently that voids the alliance. So, I'm not universally hated now, and by paying off the pope 1000 florins a turn for a few turns he now isn't about to excommunicate me. So I'm back at war with Hungary, cuz the bastards took Zagreb. Also, VHE are about to make their battle debut.

In summation: We're not universally fucked, also the HRE is friggin big, Poland is their vassal, and they're friends with almost everyone. I just voided our alliance.

Hopefully I'll get my updates up-to-date tommorrow.

[Zrk2]

***Update***

Spoiler: The Holy Roman Empire and Me (Holy vassalism, batman!) (click to show/hide)

So the HRE has grown into a dominat player in Europe, despite facing excommunication on several occasions. My relations wiht them lately are best summed up by a series of screenshots. (It's more eloquent this way.)
They sent a dipomat to meet with me, unfortunately he's an asshole.

By Zrk2 at 2011-03-03
So I answered the only way I could think of.

By Zrk2 at 2011-03-03
He said he doesn't appreciate my sense of humor. I don't like his either.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03
Some people just can't take a joke. I'm one of them.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03
After we matched wits I came out clearly superior, too bad for them they couldn't just accept it.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03

So they came back again.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03
Idiots.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03
Also, avoid using cannons to defend the interior of your cities.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03
Because they end up looking like this.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03
A monument to the HREs stupidity.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03

And it can only get better from here.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03

From what I understand they're like champion hammerdorfs.

However, the injuries inflicted by the HRE left the garrison in Zagreb weak enough for Hungary to attack. They won, but due to rebooting my computer I didn't have fraps running, meaning no shots of my diplomacying.

As well, the Mongols are getting established.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-03

As far as the diplomacy went, I've paid off the Pope to take me out of the danger of excommunication, and after agreeing to be the HREs vassal, I now have allainces with everyone. I promptly broke our vassaltude by offering an exchange of map information, they disagreed and somehow that voided the vassalage.

So I'm now back at war with Hungary.

/update

You guys are now caught up, I want to use my newfound lack of enemies to concentrate on whupping Hungary to increase my Balkan power, because the Turks just took Constantinople (via Jihad).

[Cassicotca]

Those Venetian heavy infantry are excellent agenst armored enemies like the Mongols but there not over-powerd. Try not to make a border with the Mongols if they still have their superstacks they get in the beginning.

[Zrk2]

We've got Hungary and the HRE in the way, and I dislike both of them, so hopefully it'll be a win-win.

[Zrk2]

***Update***

I need to cut down on the number of screenshots I use, they take forever to upload.

Spoiler: The Black Death (click to show/hide)

We have reached the middle years of the 12th century, and with it comes a plague of unprecedented proportions.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
It drags on for 10 long years, killing a large portion of the population.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
After devastating my population eventually it passes.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
In its' wake many nations are indebted and the near constant state of warfare in Europe has abated. I use this to build up my forces and improve my infrastructure.

Spoiler: Hungary Tries It's Hand, Again (click to show/hide)

Over the course of the plague and the few years on either end Hungary made two attempts to take Zagreb.
The Venetian forces are vastly superior the first time.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
The Venetian cavalry shatter the Hungarian forces and drice them off in disarray.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Some reinforcements arrive, but they too are shattered.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
The Venetian archers also make an appearance, and prove themselves useful.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
This results in a near bloodless victory.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

In the wake of their defeat they take several years before fielding another army.

However, they never change tactics, and so Venice is able to triumph again.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Hungary never quite figured out how to move their armies in a co-ordinated fashion.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
So they get screwed over.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
This throws them back, but they will not consider the possibility of peace.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

[Zrk2]

***Update***
*Part II*

IN this update:
-A splendid little crusade
-Someone else invades
-The status quo with Hungary
-The Pope is a bitch (Raping Milan)
-Russia
-Newer, Better Uses for Gunpowder
-An interesting observation

Spoiler: A Splendid Little Crusade (The Adventures of an Italian in France (click to show/hide)

The Pope, in his infinite wisdom, decided that a crusade against the French heretics would be a great idea. Oh, and if I didn't join, well, I guess that would make me a heretic too. The propaganda drove the men hard, they made it to Toulouse in a fraction of the time normally required. This caught the Frenchmen at unawares and allowed me to engage some of their forces.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Our best general lead the troops in their Holy Duty.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
That's pretty much what he did, too.

The French deployed for battle, some of the Kings royal guard, and some local rounded up for numbers deployed against us.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
A charge by my cavalry sent the levies running.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Soon the noble knights fled as well.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
The rout was almost total.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
However, it was only some.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

Then, wonder upon wonder, the King appeared, likely to make a show of taking prisoners.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
He tried this in the traditional French way, via one almighty charge.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Didn't work out too well. However, his 'elites' did grow a spine (Not) and came back for another swing.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
...Aaand tried the same thing again.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
In the end there was a single French knight fleeing the battle.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
The Frenchmen must be cry themselves to sleep.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Our troops fought so fiercly some even became personal friends of the general.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

Spoiler: Some Other Horde Comes A-Calling (click to show/hide)

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
They showed up in eastern Turkey. I hope they have fun killing the heathen Muslims.

Spoiler: Hungary Tries Again (click to show/hide)

You've seen it all before, they attack, we win, I'm building an army to take the war to them.

Spoiler: Raping Milan, Or: The Pope is a Jerk (click to show/hide)

Milan has a burning hatred for me, and I felt the need to remove them to make the world a safer place for Venice.
Upon sieging Bern an assault was launched ASAP.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
It worked quite beautifully-for me.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
Some misplaced sense of chivalry drove the general and his handpicked knights to fight to the death in the heart of the fortress.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
They still died just the same as anyone else.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

I consolidated my forces and Marched on Burgundy (Or Lyon, or something or other.) Oh, it's apparently famed for its' mustards. Dijon, they called it.
Our commander of this campaign is also anti-Milanese.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
(I sense a trend in the High Command...)

I soon marched on it anyway. Almost at the gates of Dijon I was met by a large Milanese army, consisting of what I imagine is their entire army.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

Also, I hate fighting in forests. It's actually like this:

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
But all you see is this:

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

The battle was a smashing success,

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04
But I was unable to pursue it.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

Spoiler: Russia (click to show/hide)

It just isn't anymore.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

Spoiler: Technology Marches On (click to show/hide)

Some new, better cannon designs have been created. I shall test them out soon.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

Spoiler: An Interesting Observation (click to show/hide)

By zrk2 at 2011-03-04

[quip]

Lurking.

[Zrk2]

At the moment I have one thing to say,

Spoiler: NSFW (click to show/hide)

FUCK YOU MILAN!!! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU CAPTURE PARIS?!?!?

But really, how does that work? Milan refers to the city-state that holds Paris. I think the Duchy of Milan and the Republic of Venice can be officially considered merged into the Kingdom of Venice.

That's what I'm calling us now, the Kingdom of Venice.

[Tarran]

They... th-... they captured PARIS?! Capital of one of europe's strongest medieval powers?! Wow, they have hax. Better watch out Zrk.

[Taricus]

Eh, leave the curs for now. we have Rome Constantinople to take

[Zrk2]

They... th-... they captured PARIS?! Capital of one of europe's strongest medieval powers?! Wow, they have hax. Better watch out Zrk.

Well, France is excommunicated most of the time, they moved their capital to Toulouse, then I took it by crusade. Milan has only taken it because I have been driving them northwest for the entire game. At one point all they held was Dijon and Bern, how I have both of those and they sit in Paris.

The dominant European power is the HRE. I occasionally end up paying them money, because despite all my strength, they have settlements right beside my capital. Update on the Milan situation soon.

Basically Europe is SNAFU.

[Zrk2]

***Update: The Milanese Situation***

The Papal restriction on slaughtering fighting Milan was lifted. This was good, because Venice had gotten all it's units retrained and re-equipped just recently. So war began again.

While ostensibly on even footing in this battle, the Venetian general (me) was far superior to the Milanese one, the Venetian troops were better in every way, and the Milanese army was split into two parts.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05
Milan sent various units of militia supported by large numbers of siege engines.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05
But they forgot to consider the Venetian affinity for heavy cavalry charges on the flanks.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05
This left their siege engines in the open and their operators were massacred.
BTW, this battle is in the exact same place as the last one with MIlan.

We pushed down to hit the Milanese reinforcements and, well, shit happened.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05
Venice also got a chance to try out some new archers.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05
Venice again shattered Milan, but this time captured Dijon in the process.

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05

Only to find out that Milan fucking captured Paris!!!

By zrk2 at 2011-03-05

[USEC_OFFICER]

I'm not all that surprised that Milan took Paris. In pretty much every single game I've played of Medieval II: Total War, Milan curb-stomps France. I don't know why, but France cannot stand up to Milan unless the player in controlling them. They just can't. Still, glad to see that you are crushing them.

[Zrk2]

I think I'm over extended in France. Spain is sieging Toulouse, Marseilles is still in French hands, and most of my settlements share a border with the HRE, which is supposed to be pretty powerful.

[Zrk2]

I've decided it's time for

Spoiler: Operation: Papal Statesmanship (click to show/hide)

The Pope ordered me to stop fighting France, the last one ordered me into a crusade in France. The Papal States are at peace with the Timurids, the Pope called a crusade against them, what the hell?

Seeing as the Papacy is clearly bipolar, I have decided the best course of action is to befriend (and control) them.

This will be handled over several steps:
1. Recruit metric fucktons of priests, then move them into the middle east and other places.
1. a) Make them really pious.
1. b) Get them into the College of Cardinals.
1. c) Elect my own Pope. (Possibly after offing the last one, which would necessitate that I train up an assassin, sounds Fun.)
2. Give them lots of monies.
3. Give them territories that I won't be able to hold.
4. ? ? ?
5. Papal profit!
6. *Insert your ideas here.*

I'm definitely going to (Medieval II) hell.