Well, hello once more. I'm Urist McPhilosopher and this is my co-announcer, the lovely - who the heck are you?
Oh, I'm Catten Pleatedblossom, sir. Miner and Stonemason. Only they all calls me "Strikes," sir. On account of how I strikes the earth, like. The Baroness, she couldn't make it today, sir.
She's the Baroness. She can do what she likes, and she knows it.
Right you are sir, but, well...
Out with it, man!
Well, the sober truth is, there's no gabbro in the mountain. We've looked and we've looked. And everyone knows what that means.
No garnierite, of course.
Yessir, we've got copper, and we've traded for zinc with the humans, sir, before the seige shut down trade, sir, but there's not a speck of nickel above nor below. And the Baroness, well, she did want those nickel silver cabinets. The nobles, well, saving your Philochoper's presence of course, they've got this way about 'em. She threw a fit, like. Was talking about hammers and all - not that she meant it of course.
Of course.
And the short of it is that she's walled herself in her room and won't come out for nothing, nohow.
...
But you're a mason. And a miner.
Best in the castle, sir, if I do say so meself.
So you could take down the wall, and let her out.
Oh no, sir. I'm on break.
What, all day?
Very important thing, sir, a break. Keeps you limber. Keeps you focussed. Couldn't interrupt a break, sir. Wouldn't be right.
...
*cough*
...
So what's your favorite gibbon, Strikes? Some people like the black-crested gibbon, but the white-browed gibbons have nice coloration.
Well, sir, when I was just knee-high, I did like silvery gibbons, but now I do prefer those Pileated gibbons, sir. They've got this white ring on their heads, and it's the darndest thing I've ever seen. They travel in pairs, they do.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Of course not, sir. All the gibbons travel in pairs. And Bilous, what ever those are.
Oh, they're a type of gibbon. It all makes sense if you think about it. To be honest, I've started to think I should change the Divisions a bit. Perhaps we should condense the primates into a single Other Primate division of the ones that don't travel in pairs - not that it makes them better, of course. Orangutans, gorillas, siamangs, and the like.
Siamangs, sir?
Oh, they're basically a gibbon, but bigger. And they travel in groups of ten. Hardly a gibbon at all, really. But it would not be sporting to make the gibbons fight the other monkeys and apes, who mostly travel in great big bands.
Shall we throw them all in a pit, sir, and see what happens?
An excellent idea. From the north corner of the central pit of the Arena of the Mind, audience, and going clockwise around, we have black-crested gibbons, black-handed gibbons, bilous, gray gibbons, pileated gibbons,
Just look at 'em, sir. They've got rings on, sir. All white, on top of their heads, sir. Grand. Just grand.
...yes. I, ah, see the pileated gibbons. Then the silvery gibbons, white-browed gibbons, and finally the white-handed gibbons for a full circle.
And they're off.
Most of the teams are still in pairs, sir.
We mustn't judge them just for that, Strikes. But yes, the fighting seems to have split into the northern and southern brawls, with the WhiteBrow team splitting to attack either side. They're dodging mostly.
The Crests aren't doing well, one's been bit! Cor, look at that blood...
Yes, gibbons can scratch, but they seem to be focussing on biting attacks, biting and then tearing. So far Whitehand and Crest teams seem to be under heavy attack, there's a lot of blood. Tendons have been torn too, and that's going to make it hard to, yes, one of the Crests is down.
They're all hurting, sir. Not one is looking well. The Crests, Silvers and Greys are all down an ape, and the Whitehands are out entirely, sir.
--- 2 dead white-handed gibbons ---
Mostly from exsanguination, of course. The biting attacks damage organs, but it's the artery tears that do it. The floor is slick with gibbon blood, and I see a lot of gibbons prone and trying to get up.
Go Pileates! Go, you little sons of monkeys! Oh, Armok, one of 'em's down.
--- 2 dead grey gibbons ---
Oooh, the last pileated gibbon's enraged! Best not to get the Pileates mad, boys... 'er mate's dead and she's taking names. She's got that Silver by the leg and she's worryin' 'im about! She's got a bilou's foot - nearly took it off! Shredded the arteries and nerves! Got a tendon too. White fur all wild like some crazy *marble coronet*! Beautiful!
--- 2 dead silvery gibbons ---
Last five teams each have one gibbon still standing, but the Bilou is winded and the Crest has lost a lot of blood... The southern brawl is over, with the Pileate staggering north on her two good legs to join in the northern brawl. Whitebrow and Crest are both looking faint...
--- 2 dead bilous ---
--- 2 dead black-crested gibbons ---
And the Crest is down. Whitebrow is pale and Blackhand can't put weight on his front paws. Looks like he's in pain.
--- 2 dead white-browed gibbons ---
Whitebrow has bled out, Blackhand is pale. He's taken a kidney shot...
Go for it, girl! You've got this one!
--- 2 dead black-handed gibbons ---
--- 1 wounded pileated gibbon, 1 dead pileated gibbon ---
Is she going to bleed out... no, her wounds are not mortal! Audience, I give you the Great Gibbon!
the Great Pileated Gibbon
Amazing!
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Topic: King of the Beasts Tournament (Read 3388 times)