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Author Topic: In Soviet Fortress?  (Read 9257 times)

Indricotherium

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2011, 11:42:50 am »

Dwarfs who become legendary in anything alarm the politburo and should be brought up on treason charges, given a sham trial and then liquidated send to the atom smasher.
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That is a wasteful idea that recklessly endangers life. I applaud your genius!
There are as many ways to play the game as there are socks on a battlefield.

Taricus

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2011, 11:48:12 am »

Nonono, Use them for propaganda glorifying fortress!
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Quote from: evictedSaint
We sided with the holocaust for a fucking +1 roll

billybobfred

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2011, 11:51:31 am »

inb4 soviet russia jokes
In Soviet Dwarf Fortress, elves hate YOU!!
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urist mcgeorg, who lives in boatmurdered and makes over 10,000 bad decisions each day,

Taricus

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #18 on: February 08, 2011, 11:53:19 am »

inb4 soviet russia jokes
In Soviet Dwarf Fortress, elves Love YOU!!

Fixed, they're hippies.
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Quote from: evictedSaint
We sided with the holocaust for a fucking +1 roll

vettkinn

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2011, 11:54:33 am »

To be a true comrade, the army should only use hammers and picks (or maybe mod in sickles) :D
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peregarrett

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #20 on: February 08, 2011, 01:42:03 pm »

Also, nuclear bomb explosions somewhere at tundra. A hollow cube filled with magma hanging on support. How many megatons can you get?

Choose one dwarf and name him 'Gagarin'. Take him to the orbital ship and drop him back - ensuring he'll survive
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Did you know that the Russian word for "sock" is "no sock"?
I just saw a guy with two broken legs push a minecart with a corpse in it. Yeah.

thegoatgod_pan

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2011, 02:27:36 pm »

I say historical accuracy is best here--there are already gulag challenges, and the Soviet Union was a rich and complex mess that can and should be modeled with dwarves.

Step 1. The nations: set up a regular fortress meant for a king. Then make all noble quarters into overcramped dormitories. Bonus points for putting intelligencia dwarves (jewelers, mechanics, crafters, legendaries) into REALLY cramped quarters with a bunch of haulers and brewers and animal handlers.  Then let them engrave the rooms.  Topical engravings about Mayors, Guards etc had better be flattering or to the gulag it is.   

Step 2. The gulag: megaprojects, and especially power plants should be built with the banished dwarves, these powerplants should not be used to provide any reduction in dwarf labor--in other words, even if you just set up a hydraulic perpetual motion device, it had better be switched on by a dwarf in a pump, not a lever, and it better not be powering any waterfalls.  Farms should be made enormous (10x10 plots), then almost everyone assigned to farm should be reassigned to the military. 

Step 3. Five year plan: Tell everyone to produce nothing but steel weapons and armor, but refuse to trade for food, if dwarves starve ignore it--as previously suggested only use manager menu to give orders (centralized planning). 

When producing weapons, extra soviet points go to making too many, and producing one kind of item at a time--e.g. just as soon as you have metal production going, do not just make a bunch of convenient and desperately needed axes, swords and breastplates--start low--make exactly as many low boots as you'd need to arm all citizens, them move on to leggings (or highboots!).  If you ever get to make helms, you've nearly built a socialist paradise!


Step 4. KGB: Anyone who complains to a mayor--toss a coin, if it's heads--off with their heads, if it's tails--they join KGB, give them an office, and temporary bookkeeping duty (I think bookkeeper should be permanently and always reassigned, so you never really know how much of anything you have ever). KGB should be well armed and punish criminals with impunity.  Anyone who gets to do their time should consider themselves lucky, serious criminals who make it through an arrest (e.g. murderers and the like), get to join the KGB. Mayor, bureaucrats and nobility should be recruited from KGB ranks, if possible, inducted after promotion otherwise.

Step 5. Culture: Parties are a must (I don't know how Americans simultaneously imagine Soviet Russia as a dreary place of work drones, but Russians themselves as drunk passionate writer-types, but from about 1959 onwards, running a Soviet fortress with "no idlers" and no parties proved impractical (Russian memoirs from the 70's describe how Chinese exchange students surprised everyone by getting up in the morning for the national anthem, while everyone else was still drinking). Good and frequent idling was politically safe and sometimes even the mark of party leadership--Brezhnev did nothing but "idle" (and make insane demands--consider Brezhnev's corn in Siberia, Castro's plan to grow strawberries in the sea, and Mao's campaign to eliminate birds and have people produce steel in their backyards, and your most demanding noble seems easy to please).

Official culture: No less necessary, is a total disregard for the space reserved for parties-if you are not getting the "insufficient space for a party", message something is wrong! To compensate, have massive parade grounds for the military.

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More ridiculous than reindeer?  Where you think you supercool and is you things the girls where I honestly like I is then why are humans on their as my people or what would you?

Aramco

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2011, 02:49:30 pm »

inb4 soviet russia jokes

In Soviet Russia, Soviet Russia jokes are in before you.
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Or maybe there's a god who's just completely insane and sends you to Detroit, Michigan in a new body if you ever utter the name "Pat Sajak".

jellsprout

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2011, 02:56:24 pm »

Remember: In Soviet Fortress, mermaids farm YOU.
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"Having been equipped with tracking collars so their migration and survival in the wild can be measured, the young Sea Serpent is released into the wild.  It is hoped that this captive breeding program will boost their terribly low population numbers and eventually see them removed from the endangered species list..."

peregarrett

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2011, 03:13:53 pm »

Mausoleum - crystal glass coffin with body of expedition leader 'Lenin', tomb placed next to meeting zone. Zone is paved with bauxite or realgar - it's the Red Square. Bonus points if you make Lenin die of infection after attack of berserk dwarfette.
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Did you know that the Russian word for "sock" is "no sock"?
I just saw a guy with two broken legs push a minecart with a corpse in it. Yeah.

EvilFuzzy9

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2011, 07:29:40 pm »

1. Have your expedition arrange unfortunate accidents for the other members of the starting seven once your fort starts getting strong.

2. Play on a large map with no pop cap.

3. Periodically purge fortress of undesirables to keep FPS death at bay.
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Zrk2

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2011, 07:53:02 pm »

Starve large groups of the population, especially those who live near your industrial areas (See: Ukraine).
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He's just keeping up with the Cardassians.

V-Norrec

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2011, 08:12:04 pm »

Mmmmm, lots of good ideas here, I'm probably going to work on my official list of rules later on, then I'll update as progress is made and you can all laugh at Soviet Fortress that will no doubt prove to have many problems.

ext0l

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #28 on: February 08, 2011, 08:16:38 pm »

Better yet, once you have organized a rule list, play as a succession game. Anyone who doenst obey the rules gets sent to the magma chamber.

edit:
just checked and someone already has one.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2011, 08:28:14 pm by ext0l »
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Lagslayer

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Re: In Soviet Fortress?
« Reply #29 on: February 08, 2011, 11:39:02 pm »

Embark on a tundra. Glacier and/or a taiga make excellent secondary biomes. Your military should be armed to the teeth and crushingly, almost unsustainably large. They can carry as much food and booze as they want, but all of the civilians who are NOT nobles should have barely enough, or even a slight shortage of food. Mod in the ability to brew vodka (it is frequently made from wheat, so you can change the name of Dwarven Beer and it would suffice), and there should be a LOT of alcohol. Your nobles will be waited on hand and foot in their luxurious palaces, as will diplomats. You should be self sufficient (if you can call it that), only trading for what is absolutely necessary. Your peasants may live in clusters (several overlapping bedrooms) out in the cold, and your military in a decent barracks. A strong justice system will be implemented, and very powerful (no cotton candy maces). Speaking of the Fortress Guard, rename them the KGB and give them the best equipment. War dogs, lots of war dogs (wolves will suffice). Also, ballistas, so we can pretend they are tanks (kill fleeing operators). Idlers are not acceptable.
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