Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Armok]

Duck Ape over your mouth.

[Vector]

Write it on your hand. That could help too. I write my important stuff to do on my hand...

Only problem with this is that then, other people can see it.

[Darvi]

Write it on your hand. That could help too. I write my important stuff to do on my hand...

Only problem with this is that then, other people can see it.

And if you have sweaty hands it gets all smudged. Or you use permamarker, which has its own problems.

[Neonivek]

What I usually do when I want to change a trait is I make rules for myself.

For example I'd never let anyone who owed me something borrow money, nor would I let them have anything.

It is easier to follow the rules then to actually make tough decisions all the time.

[Qinetix]

No mater it happens I can change my traits , it just takes time , just do the oposite of the specific trait or just don't do it anymore , i just somehow Can't get rid of my Timid trait

My tip : Just stop doing it , whenever you want to do it say into yourself no or just zip your mouth , try to forget about it

[eerr]

The problem is it's probably not something you would focus on.

If however, you can hold whatever made you do that long enough to think about it for awhile, a couple times, you should be able to mostly eradicate it.

[ed boy]

I can recommend a method to help you - in fact, this method was used by benjamin franklin to great effect.

-Make a list of the things which you are not happy with, that you want to change
-On a piece of paper, draw a table. Have a column for every day of the week and a row for every one of the things listed in the previous part
-Carry that piece of paper and a pen with you. Whenever you find yourself doing something you shouldn't, make a mark in the appropriate place on the table

It's not a quick fix, nor will guarantee to eliminate your problems, but you should find youself making progress as time goes by.

[Bouchart]

You must realize that few people are really worth talking to.

Once you have learned that, the rest comes naturally.

[Sappho]

Most people may not be worth talking to, but it's my job to talk to people. I'm a private English teacher and my job is to carry on conversations with my clients - often I end up doing most of the talking if they are shy at first and I need to get them comfortable before they are willing to talk with me more openly. If a lot of that talking is whining or boasting, I might scare them off and lose a client. I'm also 25 and haven't been in a relationship since I was too young to buy alcohol, and it would be nice to not die alone and all that.

I've heard of Ben Franklin's method. I also saw Demetri Martin's special "If I" where he talks in detail about how he used this method for years and failed utterly. I think this method probably wouldn't be too useful for me, as I spend the vast majority of my day either on sardine-style crowded public transportation or up in front of a room full of people (or sometimes in a cafe or something one-on-one with a private student). Also I'm a girl so I have teeny tiny pockets and I can't carry much beyond a bit of money and my apartment key in them - no room for a pen or anything like that, so I'd have to open up my backpack and get one out every time I wanted to write something down.

eerr, you're right - it's not something I normally focus on. Think about it - how often do you ask yourself the question "am I complaining right now?"  It's hard to keep at the front of your mind when you have so much else to think about (am I making eye contact enough/too much, is the other person interested, should I pause for a moment, am I slouching again, and oh yeah, all the information I'm trying to convey in the conversation).  I have tried writing things on my hand but I just forget to look at my hand until it gets washed off.

I've asked my flatmate to please politely point out when I'm complaining from now on, and he reluctantly agreed (as I expected, he's not too excited about taking responsibility for my problem, but I've helped him out a lot with his problems so finally he couldn't really say no). That was two days ago and so far he hasn't said anything - I think knowing that he might say something is helping me stay aware of it. Yesterday evening just before I was leaving for my last lesson of the day, I almost gave out my usual "ugh, I don't want to go to this lesson," but caught myself and kept silent. It was tough to hold it in but I managed. I was so proud! Maybe I'll manage this after all.

[GlyphGryph]

Yeah, often just being aware that other people are ready to point out a problem is enough to keep it mind, so that was probably a good idea. You're lucky to have friends who were willing to explain the problem to you, at least, and while it might not feel great to push some of the responsibility on them, wouldn't they be happier with the change? So maybe its worth asking them about it.

[Omegastick]

My advice would be to chill out. Spend at least three hours a day doing as little as possible. Soon you'll realise that life is good and there is nothing to complain about. That worked for me at least, and now I can complain as much as I want because I can't find anything to complain about.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

I'd suggest thinking about this like Aristotle's virtues. Take bravery. Bravery is a virtue because you're in the middle. At one extreme end of the bravery scale is cowardice, which is a vice, and at the other end is foolhardiness, also a vice. Tending to a personality trait means trying to reach a balancing point somewhere in the middle rather than trying to strive for an extreme at either end.

The second part is that if you try to think of yourself as brave, and act brave, you will tend to feel more brave. Feeling braver will affect your future actions, further reinforcing it. Do you have the habit of always locking the door when you leave the house? Totally a habit picked up from reinforcement of your actions.

So that's my suggestion. Approach this with the intent that you will try to gossip less, that you will try to complain less. Don't beat yourself up about the times you notice yourself failing, but give yourself plenty of praise when you notice yourself succeeding. Be careful you don't replace one thing with another: don't start snapping at everyone because you're irritated at having a secret you can't share.

Hope it helps! I know I didn't give you anything concrete ...