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[Heron TSG]

WHAT.

[Vector]

Oh-hohohoho!

How have you been?  Girl troubles better now?  What do you think you'll major in for college?

(I am the most horrifically blunt and aggressive conversationalist ever.  You have been warned)


... If you're not asking for a conversation and want advice, I just go with "talk about whatever you have in common, drop hints about other things you could talk about, and pay attention to things you can ask about next time."  It helps to have an attentive memory.

[Heron TSG]

What?

[Enzo]

I don't know, this sounds kind of normal. Most (all?) people are less comfortable talking to strangers than people they know. When people meet me out of my element, they think I'm shy. I really have to make a conscious effort to get a conversation going. With a group of friends...very much the opposite. I have to try and tone it down.

I guess the easiest tip is to ask a question about something they like to talk about. Beyond that, really, you just have to power through enough awkward conversations to get the hang of it, I guess?

Actually, what am I doing giving social advice? Disregard this.

[Il Palazzo]

Barbarossa, you so zany lately. Starting threads in Life Advice and doesn't afraid of anything.

My bit of sagely advice is to do the small talk. As cliche as it might sound, talking about largely content-less stuff("what you've been up to", "how are you doing today", "what a nasty weather we've got today", "man, the thing I saw on the telly yesterday", etc) helps the conversation flow naturally, and lets you switch from the "I need to ponder the philosophical implications of your statement" attitude, to naturally responding to whatever is being said.
It'll make you, and the other people, feel more at ease, so that when you say something actually relevant, nobody will act stunned by the sudden abrubtness of you joining the conversation.

ed: god save my grammar

[Miggy]

I think I can somewhat relate. I can also often be completely silent when just among strangers.

However, if I feel that it is in an environment wherein I'll need to chat to other people, or where I'd gain a lot more from chatting than from simply sitting silent (For instance, in the que to a concert where I'm going alone), I literally force myself to start up a conversation, and keep it going. I don't "let it flow naturally", I forcefully start it and keep it going until it can keep itself going. This might sound a bit... Brutal, but I don't do it in an annoying or harassing way. I simply approach the people next to me and ask a simple question (often extremely much related to the setting. For instance, in the concert line example, an easy one would be music).

I often force myself to do things in conversations. For instance, until I started uni this summer I'd never really been in a class with a lot of girls (heck, the past 4 years had been spent in a class fully devoid of them). I found that in conversations with this new hoard of women, I'd have much trouble keeping eye contact. So I'd simply force myself to (within reason, I don't stare them down until they yield), and now it actually does come much more naturally to me.

I think if I was in your situation, my approach would be very much similar. I'd walk home from an event where I'd realised I had been silent, then tell myself to not do it again (something you seem to have already done). I'd try and observe what the other people did, then possibly mimic them, or maybe even analyse why their actions work then come up with some of my own. In any case, I'd simply hold that in mind until the next time I'm in such a situation, then attempt to force myself to do things and see if they work.

[Blargityblarg]

Getting a job at a supermarket has forced me to be able to speak with strangers; I wasn't particularly bad beforehand, but checkout chat is a great way to practice and acclimatise.

Try to have a stock topic; mine recently have been Christmas, the New Year and the weather, both in my local city and vis a vis the floods in Queensland. Furthermore, pick and choose who you're going to start a conversation with. Some people just aren't going to speak to you, no matter how much you prompt them, and some will talk your ear off if you fail to actively cause them physical harm.

[Heron TSG]

What?

[ILikePie]

I've actually read one of those social advice-ish books before, and as dumb as that may sound, I've learned quite a bit from it (My self-confidence/social skills used to be so low I had trouble making eye contact).
You'll wanna start a conversation first, so find something you and the chap have in common. Ride the same bus in the morning? Great, use that to start a conversation. Something like "Hey", "I see you here a lot", "where do get off?", should get it going right.
Go on by asking open-ended questions, they get people talking, which is what you want. People like talking, and they like people who listen. A response to the previous set of questions could be: "I get off at the train station, where I take a train over to <insert city of your choice>" you respond with "really, what is it you do there?", etc. You should get more comfortable speaking to people after a while.

[smigenboger]

I was more going for advice, and whereas I would love tips on talking to individual people, the goal here is to find a way to better talk to everyone. For the past few days, this is how my conversations break down. (Disregarding here, of course.)

Time spent with friends: ~75% of my day.
Participation: High. Equal to or above the median talkativeness of the group.

Time spent amongst strangers: ~25% of my day.
Participation: Low. My talkativeness is less than half of the median.

Talking to people about what we have in common sounds like a good plan, and it'll likely help me at my high school where everybody has a general idea who everyone else is. Outside of that though, I don't know many people, so I don't know what we have in common.

I suppose what I'm really trying to do is be more outgoing, but if it were as easy as saying that there wouldn't be a thread, I suppose.

Why are you talking to strangers? Unless you like passing conversations, strangers tend to keep to themselves when out doing non-recreational stuff.

It may be worth reading a conversation book, and I'd recommend it, as I went through that phase for a year or so. It turned out I was picking conversations for the wrong reasons. Nowadays, unless I want to get to know someone better or if I have some reason to talk to them, I'd just make non-followup chatter.

Here's some ideas. The person sitting or standing next to you on the bus? Idle chatter may be useful, but there's little chance for follow-up unless you like the idea of being 'busbuddies'. People on your track team? It's certainly worth getting to know them, and if something sparks naturally there could be some non-track follow-up. Even then, there's the 'trackbuddies' path, which could be okay if you guys run often.
I don't know if this applies, but for some reason people think intimate relations are completely separate from friendship ones. They start up the same. If there's no friendship spark, there's no intimate spark.

If people don't talk to you, then there's many reasons why, but if you can tell why, it saves you the effort of wasting time putting forth, uh, effort. Say you're at a party. If you put on the sour puss, people won't be inclined to talk to you, and some may ask what's wrong as a token participation effort. If others are donning the sour puss, they may not be enjoying the party, may not be getting enough attention, or may have outside influences affecting their atmosphere. Anyone seem worth dealing with? Yes? Great, potential fun party. Say hi, see if they're responsive, and join a group conversation. If they remain responsive, talk to them separately some time later. Congrats, you may have a 'same-group-of-people-party-person'. This person may evolve into something better, like a one-on-one friend or group activity friend. You get the idea, friendships and relationships come in waves. The more time you have to interact, the better you can judge how they can be of use to you, as compared to hoping the best from strangers.

Any questions? I can gear more towards your original question.

[Lekegolo Khanid]

Ask questions.

[Heron TSG]

What?

[Korbac]

Sorry man. 

[Heron TSG]

What?

[Garath]

first of all, yes i'm new, and i dont feel like introducing myself. I used to be withdrawn and shy. I'm still withdrawn as in not talking about what really bothers me, but keeping things more on the surface. I've been working in a Subway for a few years and I have slowly found that I have a flair for entertaining people, make them at ease, make them smile. I'd never have found out otherwise and it gave me a great self confidence boost. I'm not in anyones top 10 of most atractive men (not untill i lose 10 Kg and spend more time in the gym, preferably combined) but most people (and girls too yeah) usually didnt pay it much attention.

How to? Well, you got the beginning down already. Listen. Listening will give you the information what the other is interested in. I'm strange in a way, Im interested in everything and know a bit about a lot, so i can talk a bit about everything. If you dont know, work on a simple thing: curiosity.
Ask what you dont know. Someone talks about speedboat racing and you dont know the first thing about it except what you see on funiest home videos? Tell them! very likely they'll laugh and helpfully tell you anything you want to know, and invite you to the next big race.

A listener is rare, an interested listener is rarer and noone can pass the opportunity to convert someone to their hobby.

As you  talk to moe people, you'll gather more things to say, "I heard somewhere... " etc. What you mostly need to find is people like you, who can listen too. Sometimes I catch myself talking too long and i abruptly cut myself short and ask what my conversation partner thinks about whatever we were talking about... maybe i'll think of more conversation mechanics, but the main thing is that you need things to say, things in common, and if that means you read newspapers or whatever to broaden your knowledge so you can talk to more people, it wont hurt you.

btw, one time I kept a conversation going for about 30 minutes without saying anything more than things like "really?" "why?", "how so?" , "uhu", "yes", etc