Alaskan Wolf is a book by Linda O. Johnston that I randomly grabbed from the book section of a supermarket. I had to waste a night with no computer, so I decided to grab a random book from the romance section and read it all the way through, no matter what it's about or how bad it is. An initial investigation showed that the book, like this review, has no editor, which is good because this book would have been horrible if there was one.
Alaskan Wolf is about the month long romance and adventures shared between Patrick, the world's sexiest Ex-Marine/Veterinarian/Special Forces/Government Spy/Werewolf/Medical Doctor in the world, and Mariah, the world's sexiest Investigative Journalist, who is thirty-one. We know she is thirty-one because Linda likes to remind us of this every fourty pages or so.
The book starts us out with Mariah walking up to a dogsled tour company, where she sees the stunning Patrick frowning as he tends the dogs. She asks for a ride, and he expressionlessly says he'll see if there's an opening. The manager, or should I say, the sexiest old dog sled tour manager in the world, comes out while carrying a heavy bucket of something, sets it down with a quiver of his huge, rugged muscles, and says Patrick can indeed give her a dog sled ride. They agree and part ways for the day.
From the thirty seconds of seeing Patrick in a pale mood, saying two short sentences, Mariah falls into mad lust for the fellow. Just from getting a glance at him, she decides his charmingly cleft chin, feral eyes, and other features indicate that there's something intelligent, rough and untamed in him. He asks "What do you want?" in a harsh tone, and she is totally intrigued by him and wants to be his.
I found this scene kind of odd, as if it would be a small oversight in the big picture of the book, to assume this much from about twenty seconds of regarding someone, but this is apparently how the world works, as it happens all the time.
Patrick is secretly part of an elite squad of US Gov't-directed werewolves called Alpha Force. Lately there have been explosions in mines all around the States, and glaciers have been exploding around Alaska. In chapter two, we learn that he is part of Alpha Force, and is undercover as a musher to investigate the glaciers. We also learn a little bit about his past. He was a vet, and then a marine, until the government found out he was also apparently a werewolf, so they sent him into the Special Forces. We assume he acquired all his attractiveness from being a marine. After being in the Special Forces, he became part of Alpha Force, once he created a special 'elixor' and battery-operated light that can allow him to transform into a wolf whenever he wants. You see, he was able to create the potion and light because he was also a medical doctor. Or to quote "Patrick, also a medical doctor, had helped to refine it." Strangely, that's all that was ever said about his medical profession, and I want to know when he had the time to get a doctorate in medicine.
And of course, he's a werewolf, though if you want to get specific, he's a 'shapeshifter'. He can apparently transform into the sexiest gray wolf in the world. The author had an interesting take on these shapeshifters. He apparently got the gene from his mom, and the condition apparently caused strife between his parents. From this, we get a lot of information about how the werewolf world works. Apparently werewolf-ness is part of your 'X' chromosome, and is not contagious. I guess werewolves can mate with normal people, but there's no way to become one. They also must have been around forever too, since there's no mention of origins. Oh yeah, they're invincible from everything but silver bullets. Even in human form! Double even from silver non-bullet-shaped objects! Having a werewolf during the pre-musket era must have sucked.
And we have Mariah. She is sexy, and she is thirty-one. That's about how deep her description goes.
Mariah is writing an article on glacial wildlife and specializes in bugging the crap out of Patrick, but since she's just that sexy, Patrick cannot resist her.
In the third chapter, Mariah spots Patrick in wolf form about half a mile away on a glacier while on a boat ride. She gets a feeling that this wolf is Patrick! How silly of her, having strange feelings of lust for a wolf she can barely see on a glacier reminding her of her extreme and irrational lust for a poor and grumpy dog musher.
Later that day, Patrick scopes out the local eatery that apparently everyone goes to, to collect information on the glaciers. The bar/restaurant has a piano player playing the piano. People occasionally tip the piano player to play other things on the piano. Mariah also decides to use her amazing sexy mind games to extract interviews from the local scientists about wildlife.
During the next chapter, Patrick's backup, Shaun, who we don't realize even existed until just now, is found dead in his room! Oh my god! This is horrible, yet it's great because it's about the only plot advancement seen yet! Patrick investigates the body and finds out someone sneaked up and stabbed Shaun in the back to death! This is truly amazing, because Shaun was a werewolf and could only be caugh by surprise if sneaked up on. But this is absolutely amazing, because that means a killer would have had to walk into a dog kennel/apartment undetected, sneak up on a werewolf, and then stab it in the back with silver bullets! It would also mean the killer has stronger and keener senses than a wolf himself! The next few pages were a blur because I was still trying to understand how the hell that just happened. The killer also apparently knew Patrick was a werewolf because the entire scene was blasted by some scent-cancelling spray.
The next one hundred and seventy pages were about Patrick and Mariah angsting about how much they wanted each other, although they wouldn't admit it to anyone but themselves. We are reminded about four times that Mariah is thirty-one. One day, Tika, the world's sexiest restaurant server at the hangout talks to Mariah about Patrick, and oddly enough Patrick, of all people, walks her home, where they have the most sexiest, intimate-y, amazingly awesome kiss anyone anywhere has ever had. But Mariah doesn't want to get involved in Patrick, because that builds dramatic tension, and Patrick doesn't want an investigative journalist anywhere near someone under top secret cover. Two minutes later they have the world most awesome, hottest, sexiest, stimulating sex in the world-with a condom. We wouldn't want it to be fantastic or wild, would we?
One day, Mariah goes out on her very own like a big girl to the glacier, and the second plot advancement comes! Horray, two in two hundred fifty pages of text! She goes out on the glacier to take pictures of the fuzzy animal life when suddenly the glacier starts to split and fall in the ocean! But luckily Jacob Patrick knew she was in danger and saved her! But at what cost? The night was a full moon, and he saved her just after sunset. He tells her to run away, but instead she stands there stupid and watches him transform into a wolf. Oh no, she now knows about the masquarade! She must be eliminated He can finally brutally murder a human with all those heightened, supressed senses The only way to continue with the mission is to give the investigative journalist/lover top secret clearance and use her as a Special Forces backup unit!
It's been two hundred and sixty pages and we don't even have a clue about what could possibly be causing these glacier explosions or mine collapses. At this point, my friends had a couple of theories any sane writer could use. First off, the Russians seem to be the standard for the evulz scumbags who would destroy glaciers off the coast of Alaska, because they are close by, may still want Alaskan oil and land, and because writers nowadays still think the Cold War is just as strong as it was fifty years ago. Well, if not the Russians, then the terrorists! Of course! Dem Terrorists could be attacking the poor polar bears and...um...moles in the glaciers and mines of the US. Not terrorists? Well then how about vampires? There's werewolves, or at least three or four in the world, so at this point the author seems terrible enough to throw vampires in during the last thirty pages of the book, right? Well I mean, there were a few research scientists in a submarine, but surely the author isn't terrible enough to send an elite squad of werewolves out to investigate the terrorist-like explosions of glaciers caused by government researchers, right? Right??
One day Mariah and Patrick were having a nice talk at the restaurant when suddenly the scientist's daughter tells them to follow her to the submarine docking house. Apparently her dad is butchering wolves and is going crazy! Butchering wolves in a werewolf book? That's asinine! Of course we'll follow you there. Patrick takes his bag containing a 9mm semi-automatic pistol, his magical potion (The author decided the potion is now magic), and the battery operated light with him. Mariah jogs next to him, and we are reminded how she's in good shape for being thirty-one.
When they get to the docking house the daughter points a gun to Patrick's head. "Hahaha you fell for our trap!" The scientist is inside, unconscious, and another is inside, shot to death. Daughter escorts Mariah and Patrick into the house where we meet....the piano player Andy! What's he doing here? And why does he have a gun? While under gunpoint, Patrick and Mariah keep Daughter and Any talking until Daughter slips up and calls him Austin. In a feat of problem-solving, Patrick realizes this Austin is the CEO of the top mining company in the US! Wow did they have us guessing, we couldn't have seen this a mile away. Apparently the glacier fields are rich in copper and nickel, so the logical thing to do is to destroy every mine in America, including your own, and farm the glacier fields to monopolize the metal industry! Genius!
After a few mind games, Mariah tricks the hostage-takers into letting them into the bathroom to give her her 'medicine' in the bag. Patrick takes the magic potion and Mariah starts feeling lusty, seeing him transform. The wolven Patrick dives outside through a window, then dives back in through another window and attacks Austin. Mariah takes the daughter by surprise and grabs her gun hand, firing a stray shot that hits her father. Austin shoots Patrick, but since he's a werewolf it doesn't hurt him. More on that later. Austin is subdued, the daughter is subdued, and Alpha Force backup arrives and takes care of the rest.
After the battle, Mariah notices the gunshot wound and Patrick says it's okay, and it's almost completely healed around the enterance and exit wound. Since he got shot with his own pistol, it is safe to assume the standard millitary-issue pistol should have been a hollow point, and if it's a 9mm like it said it was it probably wouldn't go all the way through a wolf's chest, ehem, I mean an invincible werewolve's chest. Anyway, mystery solved, Mariah and Patrick move in together in Maryland and live happily ever after.
There were a few other elements to this book I didn't review, but only three main plot points, and oddly enough, only one poorly described sex scene. I noticed halfway through the book that everyone is abnormally attractive. Mariah is the most stunning thirty-one year old in the world, though oddly her looks aren't described much at all. Patrick is the sexiest of them all, even though he's almost always covered in heavy winter gear all the time. The cover of the book suggests he doesn't have one hair on his body, and a military haircut, where I'd only assume wolf-men would be somewhat hairy. Strangely, evil people are unattractive. Whereas the civilians, the mushers and their manager, and the scientists were described as stunning examples of the human physique, the daughter and the evil corporate CEO under desguise were described as "mousy, short, all flair and no substance". It was hilarious to read this writer's view on how men think, especially sexy men, how the military works, or how Spec Ops works, or how Alaskan wildlife acts. I also loved how there was an 'if you know what I mean' phrasing every half a page, such as "The scene is truly breathtaking." She said, looking at him. He frowned. "Yeah, sure is." Mariah turned back to the glaciers.
I read some reviews on the book, and apparently the paranormal and werewolf-lovey crowded liked the book, but if you like storylines, this was terrible, and if you wanted to read it for romance or sex scenes, you'd be disappointed, unless you really like angst.
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Topic: Alaskan Wolf, a Book Review (Read 1235 times)