Just got a reply, my prologue has gone to the prereaders... Time to cross my hooves.
Also, Dsarker: Another 40K crossover? I'll give it a read while I get ready to meet with my advisor at waytooearlyinthegoddamnmorningwhycan'tyoukeepdecentofficehours.
Edit:
Nooooo don't eat Fluttershy! Well, at least the HiE has an in-universe reason for being a bastard, unlike so many other fics. I honestly didn't come across any really serious issues. One point: In the third where Twilight is trying to follow Celestia and Lunas' reasoning, you have her mention that if the ponies in the area knew the truth, they might end up "...running for the proverbial hills, scared that another ursa major was attacking...".
If you're trying to imply that the ponies of Ponyville would overreact to the news of something strange in the area (Trixie), while mentioning a previous result of that behavior from canon is a good route to take, you should probably either clarify it a bit more or just drop it entirely, as in the current state it could easily be misread as a misremembrance of canon events (it was, after all, only an ursa minor, which itself was there largely as a vehicle for Twi to show up Trixie) rather than a worldbuilding tool. Yeah, a minor concern, but some people (<---) get obsessive over details like that.
I'm way too tired to understand this, but I'm assuming HiE stands for Human in Equestria and you're talking about my fic?
Fakeedit: just read it myself, and I've found the bit you were referring to.
I defend that as being what the townsponies thought it was as opposed to what might really have been there.
If it does change, this was completely unrelated, and not at all due to your
catching one of my worse errors gracious, kind, and hospitable editing.
Real edit: you fething punmeister, you!