A pretty nice guy, mythologically speaking. Sounds good to me.
Well, you
are an anomaly amongst liches.
**********~
Turn 118
**********~META TURN:Spider ho?
GoalsFind the keycard stations.
Current SoundtrackElevator RoomActionsRW: Attempt to communicate.
(...)
"Hi mister spider!"
"I'LL KILL YOU"
"Why so angry?"
"IT'S HOW I'M PROGRAMMED"
"Huh. Mind standing over there near my bearded friend?"
"SURE THING CHUM SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED"
"Wait, what?!"
Thaddeus stands up and walks over to John.
Meta: Break through the shiny wall and demand they tell me what they know.
(...) Freeing yourself of the burden of common sense, you fling yourself through the portal! The world around you explodes into a vibrant current of light, countless images passing before you! The voices in the portal get louder by the second, when at last the seem to be on top of you. You collide with a presence moving in the opposite direction through the portal, knocking you out of the time stream prematurely! You tumble out of the other end of the portal, dazed and confused.
The other end of the portal seems to be in the vacuum of space. You can't breathe! Suddenly, Thaddeus Coburn pops into existence behind you and begins drifting in your direction!
RW: Shoot the spider in such a fashion that it is knocked into the shiny wall.
(...) You load the explosive canister into your arm cannon and prepare to fire!
"Self destruct in 10... 9..."
"Gotta think of a one-liner before I shoot it!"
"8... 7..."
"Uh... spider... explosives... time portal..."
"JUST SHOOT IT ALREADY!"
"6... 5..."
"Alright Charlotte, looks like your serendipity has run out!"
*Snickers* "God, that's terrible."
"SHUT UP"
You fire the explosive canister at Thaddeus Coburn!
(...) It's a direct hit! He's sent flying backward by the blast, straight through the portal on the wall!
Meta: IGNITE THE WEB
(...) Several of the large patches of web around the room catch on fire! The flames begin to spread around the room!
Meta: Patch this damn cut up. Tweak the odds.
(...) Using a roll of gauze on a nearby shelf, you wrap up the cut and tie a knot in the bandage. Good as new!
Five people in spacesuits fly out of the portal, followed by two mechanical humanoids! They begin fighting in an epic fashion which I shall not describe here for fear of causing a predestination paradox. I mean, you can get involved if you want, but it's just going to get more complicated from there.The webbing on the ceiling disintegrates, dropping a keycard in the middle of the room- wait, the fight is already over?!Chapter 3
Complete!
----------------------------
Casualties: 0
Kills: Several hundred, some of them virtual.
----------------------------
Amputations: 0
Bionic Enhancements: 2
Status
Player: dermonster
Name:
Derek L.Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: Secondary Storage
Currently: Participating in assisted robo-suicide.
Inventory:
Explosive Collar |
Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers |
Keen Helmet | Pencil x4 |
Coffee Mug |
Sonic Cannon |
Marshall C. Coburn (commanding) |
Micro Mecha Spider (commanding)Wounds:
Heavy BurnsAbilities:
Code Expert |
Neckbeard |
NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name:
Frederick StephonavichOccupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: Secondary Storage
Currently: Patching himself up.
Inventory:
Explosive Collar |
Jumpsuit |
Laser Dagger |
Cheetah Arm | Thermometer
Wounds:
Missing Arm |
Heavy Bleeding x2Abilities:
Uncanny Prediction |
Actuary's Lament |
Tweak the Odds (...)
Player: monk12
Name:
MonkOccupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: Secondary Storage
Currently: LIGHTING EVERYTHING ON FIRE
Inventory:
Moist Top Hat |
Explosive Collar |
Jumpsuit |
Plasma Rifle |
Balloon Animal |
Mirror SuitWounds: None
Abilities:
Applied Phlebotinum |
TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life |
MacGyvering |
Telekinesis |
Pyrokinesis |
Legendary Record Keeper
Player: HighEndNoob
Name:
Kyle HammersOccupation: Janitor
Location: Secondary Storage
Currently: Suffocating.
Inventory:
Explosive Collar |
Jumpsuit |
Mop | Rubber Gloves |
Medkit |
Power Cleaner | Wheelchair |
Burlap Sack |
Spray Can |
Gas Mask | Bucket |
Cleanz0r (commanding)Wounds:
Missing Legs | Triple Head Bumps |
BlindAbilities:
That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! |
Clean Freak |
Custodial Might |
EMT |
Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy |
Clairvoyance
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name:
John FreemanOccupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: Secondary Storage
Currently: Punting mecha-spiders through time.
Inventory:
Explosive Collar |
1/2 Jumpsuit |
Turban |
Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard | Fake Ammo Belts |
Caruso Shades |
Cheetah Arm |
Spacesuit |
Arm Cannon | Paperweight x3
Wounds: None
Abilities:
Major Payne |
Fullmetal Jacket |
Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall C. Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description:
A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus. Inventory: None
Wounds:
Missing LegAbilities:
Eye Laser |
Web Shooter
Group AttacksImpromptu SingalongSpur of Conflagration to Giga LazorLocations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
Maintenance Deck 3, Engineering Lab
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.
FANTASY TURN:The quest for
The Keystone has begun.
Goals"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!Establish diplomatic relations with the Goblins! Failed MiserablyBrave the depths of Bistökmafol and deliver the package.
Current SoundtrackMarsh LandActionsFW: Now the same for his arms!
(...) You teleport your own arm onto his stump. Blood spews from your new gib-stump!
"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH"
"Wait, did you teleport your
right arm onto my
left stump?!"
Fantasy: Get the key, and head to Monk.
(...) You attempt to fish the key out of your gullet, only to find that you no longer exist. Seems the neural implant transmitting your player data to the server has moved to an inaccessible location in space-time.
Your avatar blips back into existence at an unknown time and place!
Around you, you can see a vast ocean. Through the thick sheet of stinging mist blowing past you, you see a towering monolith of rock. Twisting needles of stone extend from its sheer surface, winding ever-higher into the sky. Dug into the pillar of stone is an enormous complex of rooms, extending vertically and overlooking the swirling vortex of water below. Light shines from the grid of narrow windows lining the complex's surface, doing little to illuminate the encroaching darkness of twilight. Night approaches at the Tower of Admin, home of the Moderators. Home of The Keystone.
"What is the meaning of this?!"
FW: Head deeper into the ruin.
(...) You continue to thrash around on the floor.
Fantasy: Head inside and down
(...) You awkwardly hobble over to the hatch by the trade depot, then turn backward so that your backward-facing arm can lift the hatch. Luckily, interchangeable antimatter keys work regardless of the party member holding them, and the hatch unlocks at your touch just before the holder of the key disappears from reality! You descend the stairs beneath the hatch and arrive in a spooky hallway. You can hear machinery moving below...
Fantasy: Dive after the key! Sigh and begin to descend, trying to keep near the hole derm created.
(...) You dive after the key! That is, you slip and fall off the tower and through the hole, landing where HEN was just a moment ago. Both of your rotting arms snap off from the impact!
Status
Player: dermonster
Name:
Derm Hell-binderOccupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Casting Lesser Atrocity Self.
Inventory:
Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring|
Mutie (Commanding) |
Sword |
Armor |
Rat x2 (Commanding) | ≡Plump Helmet Roast≡
Wounds:
Heavy Burns |
Brittle Skull |
Missing Right Arm |
Very Heavy BleedingAbilities:
Gift of the Magi (...) |
Squishy Wizard |
Summoner (...) |
Tentacle Arm |
Water Blast |
Superheat |
Tectonic Shift |
Lightning Rod |
Bonesalve The Savior of Mending
Player: Frelock
Name:
Frelock Von-HeisenbergOccupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Tower Complex, Bistökmafol
Currently: Really needs a hand.
Inventory:
Gold Coin |
Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch |
Map of Westport |
Long Sword |
Armor |
Spring ShoesWounds:
No Liver |
Missing Arm x2Abilities:
Smooth Criminal |
Accident Waiting to Happen |
Befuddlement |
Legsplosion |
Greater Legsplosion |
Armsplosion |
Lich Curse
Player: monk12
Name:
EdgarOccupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Exploring.
Inventory:
Sleeveless Long Coat |
Grappling Hook |
Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow |
Case of Booze | Mysteeeeeeerious Package | Scrying Orb |
Ghost of Bloodbeard (Commanding) |
Living Peg-Leg (Parasitically Leeching Life Force From)Wounds:
Right Forearm Missing |
Left Arm Missing |
Missing Leg x2Abilities:
Booze Power (...) |
Terraphobia |
Side-quest Radar |
Possessed |
Faint
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name:
Urist AnvilsmasherOccupation: Soapmaker
DescriptionLocation: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Squirming.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 |
Monkeytear the Fanciness of Wearing | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap |
Battle Axe |
Bamboo Pegarm |
Stone Arm |
OzurlidodWounds:
Missing Arm x2 | Crooked Toe |
Heavy Bruising |
Missing Tooth x2 |
Black EyeAbilities:
Dabbling Surgeon (...) |
Meager Social Ability |
Martial Trance |
Prehensile Beard | Legendary Leatherworker
Name:
MutieDescription: A giant mass of biological matter with a cat head sticking out of it. It takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: None
Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The BorealisCondition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress
Author
Topic: Roll To Roll To Dodge: A Meta-Adventure [Turn 126: Booze Mist Rising] (Read 304068 times)