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[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Finally heal john's Nose.
Fantasy: Heal the wound

[_DivideByZero_]

Meta: No! Find the medical compartment and find a radiation source! I must have facial hair!
Fantasy: Finish sawing through the granite, then cut down a tree to make a toe-splint. Preferably a big tree.

[Gatleos]

Derm makes someone lose a limb without using magic this turn. From a separate plane of reality.

**********~
Turn 69
**********~

META TURN:

Here it comes...

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Trespasser

Actions

RW: Attempt to slightly 'blur' the signal..

(...) You screw around with the equipment and manage to scramble the signal for a few seconds.

Meta: Go beyond the impossible

(...) Meh.

Meta: Get everyone in here and be ready to push the button

(...) You run out into the hall and drag Kyle and John into the comm center.

Meta: Finally heal john's Nose.

(...) You seem to have forgotten how to heal noses.

Meta: No! Find the medical compartment and find a radiation source! I must have facial hair!

(...) There doesn't seem to be a medbay anywhere on this floor, but you do find a radiation source in the janitor's closet! It's a nuclear-powered mop! You break open the flux-capacitor and steal some radioactive materials, rubbing them all over your face. Nothing appears to happen right away, but you have a feeling the reaction is delayed. Frederick drags you and Kyle down the hall into another room you don't recognize, and you drop the radioactive crap on the way.

All the lights on the pedestal light up and a hatch opens, revealing A SHINY RED BUTTON.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Screwing with the communications equipment.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Spear | Marshall Coburn (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Dragging stragglers.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Laser Dagger
Wounds: None
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Eh.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: None
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: Looking around the comm center.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit | Power Cleaner
Wounds: Missing Legs
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Engaging in reckless use of radioactive elements.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | 1/2 Jumpsuit | Turban | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard | Fake Ammo Belts | Caruso Shades
Wounds: Missing Arm | Broken Nose | Heavy Bleeding x3
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

This island is going down!

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!

Current Soundtrack
Won't Stop, Just Go!

Actions

FW: Cat: Ride into town.

Me: Yell for a doctor.

Snake: Grab Urist and drag him to town.

(...) JC starts licking itself again. (...) You produce an embarrassing squeak. (...) The snake wanders off into the brush.

Fantasy: Swim! SWIM FOR OUR LIVES!

(...) The world starts to blur around you, and you become disoriented and continue to sink!

Fantasy: Swim and find land/a boat.

(...) You begin swimming toward the surface, when suddenly the world around you goes out of focus! You can't tell which way is up anymore.

Fantasy: Heal the wound

(...) The GM conveniently assumes you mean the life-threatening one rather than your comrade's, which will heal on its own. You pull one of the arrows out of the puncture wound, and patch it up with a leaf from your barrel.

Fantasy: Finish sawing through the granite, then cut down a tree to make a toe-splint. Preferably a big tree.

(...)



Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Screeching.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Giant Cat (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth x2 | Light Bleeding | Broken Rib | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Sinking.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Sinking.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Healing himself.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x25 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Crooked Leg | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Currently: Bleeding a lot.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Very Heavy Bleeding | Broken Toe
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: Wooden Spear
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat

[_DivideByZero_]

Meta: Push everyone away and press the button.
Fantasy: Then grow muscles in my beard. WHILE SOMEONE HEALS ME.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Try again
Fantasy: heal Dorf

[monk12]

Meta: Dive for cover!

Fantasy: Swim UP!

I, for one, find it entirely fitting that the dwarf become more beard than body. He will ascend to a higher plane of existence- the elemental plane of Beard.

[Dermonster]

RW: Sharpen the signal dramatically. THEN PRESS BUTTON.

FW: Cat: go to town.

Me: Continue yelling for help.

[Gatleos]

Shut off the signal entirely.

WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?

[Dermonster]

I never wrote that.

You liar.

[Frelock]

True, but at least he's an amusing one.

Meta: Smack the first hostile thing that appears; preferably after the traps have done their work.

Fantasy: Mentally command Elica to save me.

[Alzeranox]

He probably just told you how to win the game.

[Gatleos]

This RTD gets the senior discount now.

**********~
Turn 70
**********~

META TURN:

Here it comes...

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Trespasser

Actions

Meta: Push everyone away and press the button.

(...) Kyle kindly heals your nose for you, so you facepalm him to the floor and gracefully slide over to the pedestal while avoiding the minefield of pressure plates. You then mash the button with your fist.

A siren sounds.

Meta: Try again

(...) You successfully bind John's nose! You do so quickly and efficiently with no mess.

Meta: Dive for cover!

(...) You leap directly onto a pressure plate and a heavy piece of equipment is released from overhead! (...) The equipment lands on you, crushing your ribcage! You can't breathe!

The large metal hatch on the wall begins to open...

RW: Sharpen the signal dramatically. THEN PRESS BUTTON.

(...) You don't manage to do much with the signal, but it already returned to normal anyway. You think about pushing the button, but John already got to it. You're useless. USELESS

Meta: Smack the first hostile thing that appears; preferably after the traps have done their work.

(...) You hide from the first hostile thing that appears.

The hatch opens completely, and two figures leap out into the light! Two bionic humanoids, in the shape of cats! One carries a large boombox on its shoulder. It presses the play button.

Mechanical Feline Twins
Cheetah Bros.
----------------------------
Greco
Head: Fine
Body: Fine
Arms: Fine
Legs: Fine
Morbis
Head: Fine
Body: Fine
Arms: Fine
Legs: Fine

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Standing around.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Spear | Marshall Coburn (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Hiding.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Laser Dagger
Wounds: None
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Wheezing.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Broken Rib
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: Scowling at John.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit | Power Cleaner
Wounds: Missing Legs
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Mashing buttons.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | 1/2 Jumpsuit | Turban | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard | Fake Ammo Belts | Caruso Shades
Wounds: Missing Arm | Broken Nose | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

This island is going down!

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!

Current Soundtrack
Won't Stop, Just Go!

Actions

Fantasy: Then grow muscles in my beard. WHILE SOMEONE HEALS ME.

(...) Remembering your DORF ancestry, you call forth to the Dwarven spirits of old! Grandpa Bomrek, killed in a magma channeling accident. Aunt Urist, for whom you were named. The other children on the workshop floor always made fun of you for your female name, but you were proud of your heritage. A true Dwarven warrior she was, gored to death by a skeletal elephant in the great siege of 163 at Burialgears, your former home fortress. Ah, Burialgears. You- oh yeah, the beard thingy. Alright, let's see how this works out. You channel the strength of your ancestors into your beard and achieve the status of TRUE DORF! Your beard begins functioning as a limb!

Fantasy: heal Dorf

(...) You get off of JC, walk out into the brush where Urist is struggling in a block of granite next to the giant snake, and throw a dagger into his arm stump for no reason. The blood is coming faster now and Urist looks faint!

Fantasy: Swim UP!

(...) You'd rather just float here. Oh, you're running out of air.

FW: Cat: go to town.

Me: Continue yelling for help.

(...) Your voice keeps cracking. Seriously, why are these RPG protagonists always prepubescent? It's getting embarrassing. (...) JC runs through the town, past panicking crowds of citizens and patrols of flustered guards. You're nearing the boat and-

BOOM

An enormous cloud of ash billows up from the crater of the volcano and begins settling over the jungle. The fire is nearing the town! You guys are such good heroes.

Fantasy: Mentally command Elica to save me.

(...) You can see Elica swimming toward you...

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Screeching more.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Giant Cat (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth x2 | Light Bleeding | Broken Rib | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Sinking.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Sinking.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Helping Urist a lot.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x25 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Crooked Leg | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Currently: Flexing his beard.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Very Heavy Bleeding | Broken Toe
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance | Prehensile Beard
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: Wooden Spear
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat

[Dermonster]

Unless anyone wants to use the singalong, I'm going back to the standard,

RW: naeared reaeag! THROUGH THE FIRE AND THE FLAMES I CARRY ON!

MC: Prime directive: Kill Felines.

Sub Directive: Be chargin yer lazor.

FW: Cat: get to the boat.

Me: Try to remember what I've seen Urist do and gain very slight medical knowledge.

[_DivideByZero_]

Meta: Run away.
Fantasy: Use soap to help SOMEONE stop the bleeding.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Spray Felines with Pressure Washer
Fantasy: Reclaim  Dagger, than set-up a campaign to heal Urist, than heal Urist