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[_DivideByZero_]

Meta: Wait for Kyle to heal me, then slap him in the back of the head.
Fantasy: Try to heal Derm again, fatally biting any nearby elves before doing so.

[Gatleos]

We're back! I'm honestly surprised none of your characters have died in these two situations yet.

**********~
Turn 61
**********~

META TURN:

LEAPING METAL DEATH SKELETONS

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Space Pirates

Actions

Meta: try to heal john

(...) You yank out all the splinters and masterfully wrap the wound in gauze, all while dodging the robot's attacks from behind!

Meta: Find and charge the enemy.

(...) You punch the wall ineffectually. OW!

RW: Use scrap to build me some sort of high tech helmet.

(...) ...Nope. Turns out building cybernetic helmets from scrap metal isn't all that easy.

Meta: Continue Exploring

(...) You think you'll just sit here for now.

Meta: Wait for Kyle to heal me, then slap him in the back of the head.

(...) You smack Kyle in the back of the head, but forget to call him a "Chowdahead". Maybe next time.

KREEEEEEE

The droid leaps at (...) Frelock and scratches at his face! (...) It sinks its sharp metal claws into his face and tosses him hard into the next room!

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Playing with metal shards.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Bar | Marshall Coburn (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Tumbling over the desk in the next room.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Laser Dagger
Wounds: Light Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Sitting.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Picture
Currently: Getting slapped in the back of the head.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit
Wounds: Missing Legs | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Slapping Kyle.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard
Wounds: Missing Arm | Very Heavy Bleeding | Broken Nose | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser (...)

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

FIRE!!! BURN BOBONGA

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath!

Current Soundtrack
Paleolithic Park

Actions

Fantasy: Try to heal myself again.

(...) You pull the arrows out of the wounds and wrap them in leaves from your gunpowder barrel. Amazingly, this seems to work! You'll heal up soon enough.

Fantasy: Haggle safe passage to the volcano with the oncoming warriors, preferably having them heal my wound .

(...) Stretching the definition of the word "haggle" even further, you attempt to negotiate with the incoming Elves! They remain unconvinced, but you momentarily confuse them.

FW: Summon a Riding snake!
George: Use the spear, be the reaper.

(...) You summon a huge snake, just big enough for riding! Ride the snake, Derm. Ride the snake. (...) George retrieves his spear and lunges at Elf 3! (...) The Elf is obviously a Blue Oyster Cult fan, as he does not fear George in the least. He counterattacks! (...) The Elf sends an arrow into George's chest, sending him flying!

Fantasy: Continue Protecting Frelock + Quest Item...person, demon thing.

(...) While the group of Elven warriors standing by Frelock is distracted, you stab one in the back of the neck and toss his body at the others! You then grab Frelock by the arm and run for the edge of the village nearest the volcano. The giant trees have started to fall apart!

Fantasy: Try to heal Derm again, fatally biting any nearby elves before doing so.

(...) You rush over and try to fatally bite Derm, but before you can get close the riding snake picks you up in its mouth and tries to crush you!

@%$#

The Elf makes a run for it, and tries to lower herself over the edge of the tree!

Flee The Tree Debris!

• dermonster: Being on top of the tallest tree, no debris can reach you.
• Frelock: (...) You backflip out of the way as a massive, flaming tree branch lands nearby! You start swinging on hanging vines toward the edge of the forest retreat.
• monk12: (...) Frelock hoists you through the air and you both dodge a giant flaming tree branch!
• HighEndNoob: Being on top of the tallest tree, no debris can reach you.
• _DivideByZero_: You either.
• Elven Warriors: (...) The giant tree branch crushes the Elven warriors alive!

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Riding the snake.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Giant Cat (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Rib
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Swinging on vines.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Swinging on vines.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Laying in the stands.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x30 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Crooked Leg | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Currently: Struggling in the snake's mouth.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: Wooden Spear
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat

[monk12]

Meta: Find robots! Shoot them! Repeatedly!

Fantasy: Continue my arboreal escape.

[Dermonster]

GEORGE NOOOOO!

RW: Attatch a metal shard to my metal rod to form a makeshift spear.
MC: Directive: Eliminate all hostiles.

FW:George: Enact vengeance.
Me; Summon George to me.
Snake: Descend
Cat: Grab Noob and get abscondin'!

In that order.

[Gatleos]

Meta: Shoot robots! Repeatedly!

I you see no robots.

[monk12]

Meta: Shoot robots! Repeatedly!

I you see no robots.

Amended.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Find robot, than CHARGE!!!!!!!
Fantasy: Shoot the snake Urist got himself into.

[Dermonster]

Fantasy: Shoot the snake Urist got himself into.

uhhh...

[Frelock]

Meta: Stabby Stabby

Fantasy: Proceed swinging through the trees towards the volcano with the mayor.

Too bad the thing with the elves didn't work out.  The smoothest of criminals can convince his pursuers that he's their best friend.  Clearly, I have far to go.

[_DivideByZero_]

Meta: Find a pole.
Fantasy: Get out of the snake's mouth and ride it.

[Gatleos]

Hyup. Turn soon.

[monk12]

Hyup. Turn soon.

For certain definitions of the word "soon"

[Dermonster]

He's an employee at Valve, I'm certain.

[RedWarrior0]

He's an employee at Valve, I'm certain.

He's got the right time zone.

But seriously, for this RTD, the gap is like the 40d/DF2010 gap.

[monk12]

On the plus side, almost to 50 pages! wheeee!