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[Dermonster]

I AM A MEMBER OF THE MINISTRY OF SILLY WALKS AND EMBASSY OF ACCIDENTAL MAIMINGS.

You spelled WIZZARD wrong.

[Gatleos]

HURRAH FOR NOT PAYING THE INTERNET BILL YET SOMEHOW STILL GETTING INTERNET.

Pic is awesome, color is my favorite color, but my penchant to screw everyone over is somehow not represented.

I have noted that nothing ever good comes when a magician has that facial expression. Ever. Across any game I have ever played, any book I've read, any movie I've watched.

Concerning wizards...
An expression of hatred and malice is trouble, but an expression of gleeful ignorance is armageddon.

**********~
Turn 58
**********~

META TURN:

What happened here...?

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
G.F.S. Olympus

Actions

Meta: Do what the voices in my head tell me to

(...) You enter the third door on the left, and sure enough there is a gaping hole in the wall. The partitions between the next three rooms have been demolished, so you walk to the end and exit through the furthest door. You're now on the other side of the pile of rubble. There are three hallways, so you take the one on the right and find another hallway lined with doors. One of the doors near the end of the hallway opens and a patrol of attack-bots steps out!

Meta: Follow someone important.

(...) You fall asleep, you narcoleptic, you.

RW: Go through the rightmost door

(...) You ride Marshall into the first door on the right, which is open.

...What? I'm not describing it again! It's the room Frelock went into last turn. Look it up! Jeez.

Meta: Look for more Janitor's closets

(...) Well, there's a trashcan over there. You root through it for a minute but don't find anything.

Meta: Pick a door no-one is going into at random, and go exploring.

(...) All the unlocked doors have been taken. So you bust down yet another door and go inside.

...Well, it's just another room. You root through the drawers in the desk and find a pencil and a box of cigars!
Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Exploring the crew quarters.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Bar | Marshall Coburn (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Exploring the crew quarters.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit
Wounds: None
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Crapping his pants and both his pairs of pantaloons.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x3 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: None
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Picture
Currently: Digging through the trash.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit
Wounds: Missing Legs | Heavy Burns | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Sleeping.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard
Wounds: Missing Arm | Very Heavy Bleeding | Broken Nose
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The Elven sacrifice will soon begin has begun!

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath!

Current Soundtrack
Final Super Mario Fantasy Boss Culex Theme Type Thing

Actions

Fantasy: Find and recover booze

(...) You're not sure booze is easy to come by in Elven settlements. Maybe there's a concessions stand or something.

Fantasy: Slay Unirat. Try to hack off its horn and use the horn to kill it.

(...) You run at full force toward Unirat and slice its horn clean off! You then throw it into the rat's eye! Unirat bucks, and Frelock is flung through the air and lands in the stands!

FW: Me: Cast... dammit, we're on a tree. Oh wait I don't care. Combine overheat and Waterblast again, fire upon Unirat. we'll see how that goes.
Giant cat: Go to Urist, pick him up, and drag him here.
George: Get to the coliseum.

(...) You manage to create a small steam-ball and hurl it at Unirat! (...) The steam-ball hits it in the other eye, temporarily blinding it completely! (...) The giant cat does that creepy cat stare thing where it bobs its head a bit and looks up at you and, like, its eyes flash green for a second. Why do cats' eyes do that, anyway? It's freakin' weird.
(...)
...Anyway, an unusually bloated Elf in the stands, who has been screaming hysterically for the last few seconds, explodes like a meat pinata as George springs from his chest like some sort of horrific Xenomorph! He then comes down to the pit and sits next to you.

Fantasy: Try to get high-ground.

(...) You hop into the stands and balance on top of the tallest branch you can find! This is about as high as it gets. In fact, you can see the town from here.

Fantasy:  Break this wild horse unicorn unirat on which I'm riding.

(...) You're laying in the stands now.

SKREEEEEEE!

The Unirat thrashes wildly and charges at (...) Edgar! (...) The Unirat headbutts Edgar in the stomach, then slashes at his face! He's bleeding from the wound!

Freakish Horned Sewer-Dweller
Unirat
----------------------------
Head: Blinded, No Horn
Body: Fine
Tail: Fine
Front Legs: Fine
Back Legs: Fine

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Petting George.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Giant Cat (commanding) | Giant Rat (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Rib
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Laying in the stands.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Defending against Unirat.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Balancing on a branch.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x33 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Leg | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Rampaging.
Description
Currently: Standing in the coliseum.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance (...)
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat

[monk12]

Meta: "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, MARLEY!"   Blow the robots away with my rifle.

Fantasy: Grappling Hook Arm. Point Blank Range.

[_DivideByZero_]

Woah. How. Did. You. Do. That. TELL ME!

Meta: Have an epic dream.
Fantasy: Stab unirat with swordfish nose (which should be affixed to my pegarm, correct?), If not attack with battle axe again

[Gatleos]

Woah. How. Did. You. Do. That. TELL ME!

What, the gifs? Layers. Loooooots of image layers. And GiMP. Lots of GiMP.

[Frelock]

Spoiler: Well Done (click to show/hide)

Meta: Wake up DbZ

Fantasy: Spring down from the stands and slash at the rat's head.

[Dermonster]

holy shit.


RW: Mecha spider: use eye laser to clear a blocked hallway. Ride on Through. (need map >.> or i could just be tired and stupid right now.)

FW: I'VE HAD IT! WITH THE LACK OF GODDAMN SNAKES ON THIS GODDAMN TREE!
Cat: Attack!
George: Now's your time to shine buddy! Show him who's boss!

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Wake john up.
Fantasy:
                              HEN Used Musket!
                             1-5(roll dependent) hits!

[Gatleos]

It's been bugging me, and I finally figured it out. Derm's sprite isn't walking like an egyptian, he's doing this dance!

That gets that out of the way. Turn on the way.

[Beardless]

So... What happens when a broken leg reaches -40/40?

Also: Close call, Derm. You almost didn't do something horrifying this turn!

[Gatleos]

So... What happens when a broken leg reaches -40/40?

He doesn't need skilled medical attention to heal, just to heal properly. So he'll have a crooked leg.

**********~
Turn 59
**********~

META TURN:

What happened here...?

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Space Pirates

Actions

Meta: "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, MARLEY!"   Blow the robots away with my rifle.

(...) You shoot a burst of plasma at the first robot as it emerges from the doorway, (...) but it leaps into the air and clings to the ceiling!

Code: [Select]

Name: Capriole Class Attack Droid
ID: LC-1820
The Capriole Class Attack Droid is deployed in combat situations requiring
a high degree of maneuverability, such as fights on extreme terrain. It is
designed to be highly athletic and can cling to almost any surface at any angle.Another droid emerges from the doorway and fires a laser in your direction! (...) The laser strikes you in the leg, searing the muscle and forcing you to the ground!

Meta: Have an epic dream.

(...) You have the most boring dream in the history of dreams.

Meta: Wake up DbZ

(...) You slap John across the face to wake him up.

RW: Mecha spider: use eye laser to clear a blocked hallway. Ride on Through.

(...) Marshall fires his lazor at the rubble, and vaporizes a bit from the top. Looks like someone could crawl through there. (...) It's not big enough for both of you, so you go around. You can see Monk laying on the floor down the hall, and hear mechanical noises further down.

Meta: Wake john up.

(...) You rock John back to sleep.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Riding Marshall toward Monk.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Bar | Marshall Coburn (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Glaring at Kyle.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit
Wounds: None
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Holding his leg and looking for escape routes.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x3 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Picture
Currently: Being motherly.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit
Wounds: Missing Legs | Heavy Burns | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Sleeping.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard
Wounds: Missing Arm | Very Heavy Bleeding | Broken Nose
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser (...)

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The Elven sacrifice will soon begin has begun!

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath!

Current Soundtrack
Final Super Mario Fantasy Boss Culex Theme Type Thing

Actions

Fantasy: Grappling Hook Arm. Point Blank Range.

(...) Without the ability to see, Unirat doesn't even flinch and the harpoon buries itself deep into the rat's chest! It is bleeding profusely!

Suddenly, several Elves armed with wooden bows leap down from the stands!

Fantasy: Stab unirat with swordfish nose (which should be affixed to my pegarm, correct?), If not attack with battle axe again

(...) You stab the rat in the side with the swordfish nose repeatedly! The Unirat is bleeding even more now!

Fantasy: Spring down from the stands and slash at the rat's head.

(...) Before you can jump down to the pit, another Elf jumps on your back and starts gnawing on your scalp!

FW: I'VE HAD IT! WITH THE LACK OF GODDAMN SNAKES ON THIS GODDAMN TREE!
Cat: Attack!
George: Now's your time to shine buddy! Show him who's boss!

(...) An unusually small anaconda appears nearby. (...) The cat leaps at the rat and they start tussling in the center of the arena! In the struggle, Unirat rolls over the bag containing the oddly forgettable demon, presumably crushing every bone in his body. Edgar is swept off his feet and swung through the air by his harpoon cord (which is still stuck in the Unirat's gut), circling the edge of the arena! (...) Suddenly, George leaps into action and joins the fight, swinging his spear wildly at Unirat and JC alike! (...) The spear slices through Unirat's arm and it screeches in pain, yanking on the harpoon cord! Edgar slams into Frelock, carrying Heisenberg and the Elf along with him! (...) The spear tears through the JC's guts, sending a shower of blood in every direction! George then tosses his spear at Unirat! (...) Unirat bobs its head out of the way and the spear impales the anaconda (who had been leaping through the air to bite the Unirat)! The spear keeps going and pins the anaconda to the Elf on Frelock's back's forehead as the three pass by hanging from the harpoon cord!

Fantasy:
                              HEN Used Musket!
                             1-5(roll dependent) hits!

(...) Reloading your musket freakishly fast as you do so, you pump three expertly-aimed shots into the Unirat's head! The flying musket ball strikes the Unirat in the head, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain! Frelock, Edgar and the Elf with an anaconda pinned to his forehead with a spear fall to the arena floor as the Unirat falls over and the cord slackens.


VICTORY!*

*You are still trapped at the top of a giant burning tree and surrounded by enemies.

Irithe!

The first Elf fires an arrow at (...) Frelock, (...) but he crawls out of the way!

Sesi!

The second Elf fires an arrow at (...) HEN, (...) hitting him in the chest! He stumbles and slips off the branch, but grabs on at the last moment to avoid falling to his doom!

Ileda!

The third Elf fires an arrow at (...) Frelock, (...) striking him in the chest!

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Watching George kick ass.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Giant Cat (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Rib
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Laying on the arena floor.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Laying on the arena floor.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Hanging on for his life.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x33 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Leg | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Currently: Standing in the coliseum, dripping rat blood.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance (...)
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: Wooden Spear
Wounds: None
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat

[Dermonster]

RW: Rush down the hall, SPEAR OF FIRE!
MC: Hack the droids! Convert some of them to our side!

FW: Call out to Urist to heal this goddamned rib.
George: Kick ass and take names!
Cat: KILL

[Frelock]

Do you really want untrained medical attention from a guy who has a freaking arrow in his chest?

Also, shouldn't I have gotten a +1 to that dodge roll due to the armor?

Meta: Tweak the Odds, and find a weapon around here.

Fantasy: Grab the mayor, and using the spring shoes, fall gracefully down to the ground floor.  Ask Elica for healing.

[Gatleos]

Also, shouldn't I have gotten a +1 to that dodge roll due to the armor?

...Yes. I keep forgetting that armor exists. It's being so quiet back there. And of course you still fail with the +1.

[Dermonster]

Oh wait sorry got the names mixed around for my rib health.

urist get your arse over here and heal this rib please.