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[_DivideByZero_]

Meta: Continue to wrap my arm to stop the bleeding.
Fantasy: Punch HEN in the face to knock him out, then continue charging.

[HighEndNoob]

Thank you dice, you're nice.
Meta: patch-up the other bleeding.
Fantasy:"Take that you dwarf!" Hold back Urist from charging,while on the look-out for elves/other monsters

[monk12]

Dammit 1's, go back to HighEndNoob!

Meta: Ask the ghost pirate what the hell is going on

Fantasy: Look unappetizing

At least the neurotoxin wasn't deadly...

[Frelock]

Meta: Give Kyle to the medical robot

Fantasy:  Name elf Elica Larifera, then with him as my companion, find the person with the mayor.

[monk12]

Oh yeah, the demon mayor guy. Maybe he's with the tiger?

[RedWarrior0]

At least the neurotoxin wasn't deadly...

It would be advisable to not bait him.

[Gatleos]

Fantasy:  Name elf Elica Larifera, then with him as my companion, find the person with the mayor.

That actually makes complete sense in-universe, since you're playing as yourself.

Oh yeah, the demon mayor guy. Maybe he's with the tiger?

Oh yeah, you had the sack... I almost lost him when I was shuffling all those items last turn. I suppose the natives have him now, you'll have to find out.

[monk12]

I love how nobody can keep track of the potentially world destroying quest item.

[Gatleos]

GAAAAAHHHHH

That website I linked to for the fantasy turn song constantly changes the URL to prevent direct linking. That's why the link stops working after a while.

Fine then. I'll just upload it to YouTube myself. The fantasy tun song for the last few turns is fixed - hopefully permanently - now.

EDIT: Oh, and turn soon.

[Gatleos]

Those silly cannibals...

**********~
Turn 51
**********~

META TURN:
Xenocalamus!

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
G.U.N. Mobile

Actions

RW: NERD RAEG INTO THE LASER! BEAM O' WAR IS A GO.

MC: Mess with the snake from the inside.

(...) You channel your RAEG yet again! HHUUUUUNNNNGGGGHHHH
Derek: "pew pew"
You fire a huge energy blast at Xenocalamus! (...) The blast strikes it square in the face, blowing apart its exoskeleton and frying its processor! MC can't do much at this point.

Meta: Continue to wrap my arm to stop the bleeding.

(...) You stop the bleeding a little more, but you can still see blood oozing from the wound.

Meta: patch-up the other bleeding.

(...) You fail to do much.

Meta: Ask the ghost pirate what the hell is going on

(...) You're lost for words. The ghost pirate looks at you oddly.

Gain the others' trust.

(...) Derek looks at you suspiciously. Your cover might be blown.

Meta: Give Kyle to the medical robot

(...) You kick out the grate over the vent and slip into the Med Bay with Kyle. You then tell the activated medical robot about Kyle's condition and hand him over. The med-bot applies ointment and gauze to all the cuts, leaving Kyle wrapped up and laying on the floor.

HISSSSSSSSS

Xenocalamus's tail lashes out at (...) Monk, dragging John across the floor! (...) Monk leaps out of the way and the tail finally stops wriggling and falls to the floor.

The remainder of Xenocalamus's upper half explodes and a keycard lands in the middle of the room!

Chapter 1
Complete!
----------------------------
Casualties: 1
Kills: ~55
----------------------------
Amputations: 3
Bionic Enhancements: 0

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: 'Splodin' the snake.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Bar | Marshall Coburn (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG (...)
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Getting medical treatment for Kyle.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit
Wounds: None
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Acting strangely.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x3 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Light Bleeding x2
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: Uggghhhh...
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit
Wounds: Missing Legs | Heavy Burns | Heavy Bleeding | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Laying on the floor.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Unicorn Band-aids
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding | Broken Nose
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The Jungle of Piercing calls to you...

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath!

Current Soundtrack
The Island Is Calling

Actions

FW: Summon a giant riding feline.

(...) You successfully produce a giant cat, fit for riding!

Fantasy: Punch HEN in the face to knock him out, then continue charging.

(...)(...) You flip HEN onto his back and swing your axe at his face! (...) He moves his head out of the way just in time, but you manage to cut off his ear! You strike at him again! (...) You severely mutilate his face! Before you can get up, he spins around and pins you back on the ground!

Fantasy:"Take that you dwarf!" Hold back Urist from charging,while on the look-out for elves/other monsters

(...)(...) After Urist is done hacking at you with his axe, you pin him on the ground! You don't see any monsters around before the blood starts trickling over your eyes.

Fantasy: Look unappetizing

(...) You look incredibly nasty, even for a pirate. Fortunately, no one seems to be around to eat you. You're in some kind of wooden shack with a dirt floor. But... the walls don't look like cut wood. They look like part of a massive tree branch.

Fantasy:  Name elf Elica Larifera, then with him as my companion, find the person with the mayor.

(...)
Frelock: "Your name is now Elica Larifera."
Elica: "Yes sir!"
You and Elica run back to where Edgar was. Markings in the dirt indicate something was dragged off.
Frelock: "Elica, who did this?"
Elica: "Th-the others...
Frelock: "Where did they take him?"
Elica: "T-to..."
Frelock: Where, Elica?!"
Elica: "The forest retreat! For the sacrifice!"
Frelock: "Take me there."

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Standing at the edge of the jungle by his riding kitty.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Giant Cat (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Black Eye
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Bossing around his indentured Elf-servant.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Sack o' Gold | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Tied up Armok knows where.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Sitting on Urist.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x34 | Sword
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Leg | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Administrator
Description
Currently: Being sat on.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Swordfish Arm
Wounds: None
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor

[Dermonster]

RW: Grab the keycard, fix up and improve MC with parts from the giant snakes lower half.

MC: Go into Hibernate mode.

FW: Ride the Giant Cat into the forest! Head for HighEndNoob and Divide/Urist.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Ask the robot if there is any Bionic legs in the areas.
Fantasy: URISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!!!! Beat Urist with my Musket until he heals my ear.[/:b]

[_DivideByZero_]

I try to knock him out... then I end up mutilating his face with an axe... What?

Meta: Tie the entire shirt around my torso to stop my arm from bleeding.
Fantasy: Try to detach HEN from my back, then steal someone's shirt to wrap HEN's face in.

[Gatleos]

I try to knock him out... then I end up mutilating his face with an axe... What?

That's a seven for ya.

[Frelock]

Gives new meaning to the word "overkill"

Meta: Search around for the next keycard station.
Fantasy: Once I get to the forest retreat, haggle for our friend's release.