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[Gatleos]

Meta: Jump down, grab Kyle, and run to the medical bay.

Doors: locked.

[Frelock]

Meta: Jump down, grab Kyle, jump back up, and crawl to medical bay through the ventilation shafts.

[Gatleos]

If Kyle dies: RedWarrior0 gets a turn.
If Kyle lives: One of the members of our team will eventually be a mutilated burn victim in a wheelchair and/or bionic legs carrying a mop.

Win-win.

[monk12]

Wait... you're a hideously disfigured guy with burnt skin carrying around a mop... where have I seen something like this before?

Simpsons did it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Gatleos]

Wait... you're a hideously disfigured guy with burnt skin carrying around a mop... where have I seen something like this before?

Simpsons did it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Toxic Avenger is an American cult classic comedy horror film first released in 1984 by Troma Entertainment

The Simpsons is an American animated television series created by Matt Groening for the Fox Broadcasting Company [...] The shorts became a part of The Tracey Ullman Show on April 19, 1987

[monk12]

Oh, I never said that Simpsons did it FIRST

[Gatleos]

Oh, I never said that Simpsons did it FIRST

So...

"The Epic of Gilgamesh is the first story in recorded human history!"
"HA. Plot? Simpsons did it."

[Dermonster]

Well it IS technically correct. Just stupid.

[Gatleos]

Hey, HighEndNoob... did you kill this die's family or something?

**********~
Turn 49
**********~

META TURN:
Xenocalamus!

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
G.U.N. Mobile

Actions

RW: Get to mecha-spider and hack the snake with the wireless system.

(...) You roll over to the mecha-scscscscscpider and activate its wireless systems in an attempt to control that massive snake shaking Kyle around. Its grip on Kyle's midsection weakens, but it seems to still have control of itself.

Meta: I HATE THIS DICE! Attack Xeno-whatever in the head with my mop, than try to patch up the bleeding.

(...) As blood pours from your leg stubs, you wildly swing your mop in the hope of hitting Xenocalamus in the head. Just then, Frelock jumps down from a hole in the ceiling and starts running toward you!

Meta: Have an out of body experience

(...) You look around the room, then down at your unconsious self. Huh. For some reason there's a ghost pirate standing at the other end of the room.

Meta: Find something to build a fake arm out of.

(...) You find a few pieces of scrap-metal on the ground. You're not sure how you can make this into an arm.

Meta: Jump down, grab Kyle, jump back up, and crawl to medical bay through the ventilation shafts.

(...) You leap down from the shaft and wrench Kyle from Xenocalamus's grip, but you can't reach the hole in the ceiling again! Kyle's consciousness starts to fade...

HISSSSSSSSS

Xenocalamus starts slithering toward (...) Monk and starts shaking him around by the arm!

Enormous Bionic Adder
Xenocalamus
----------------------------
Head: Singed
Body: Cut in Half
Tail: Fine

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Trying to hack the snake.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Bar | Mecha-spider (commanding)
Wounds: None
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Dragging Kyle.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit
Wounds: None
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds (...)
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Unconscious.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x3 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Light Bleeding x2
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: OH GOD WHY
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit
Wounds: Missing Legs | Heavy Burns | Heavy Bleeding | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Currently: Feeling woozy from blood loss.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Unicorn Band-aids
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding | Broken Nose
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The Jungle of Piercing calls to you...

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath!

Current Soundtrack
The Island Is Calling

Actions

FW: TO THE JUNGLE! Summon a cat on the way there.

(...) You get back onto your feet and head to the edge of the jungle. You can see Monk and Frelock nearby. (...) You try to summon a cat, but just produce a puff of smoke.

Fantasy: STUPID DWARF! Pull out my sword.

(...) (...) You pull out your sword that you don't have because Urist took it.

Fantasy: Retrieve the mayor and haul ass to the volcano!

(...) You swipe the sack from Frelock and ride your tiger deep into the jungle. It's pretty dark back here. You hear a noise in the distance and see figures moving through the foliage nearby.

Fantasy: Steal HEN's sword.

(...) (...) You grasp at the sword, but drop it to the ground nearby before you can get a good grip on it.

Fantasy: Re-try trek through wilderness.

(...) Edgar steals your bag o' demon, so you chase him into the jungle! You both run deep into the thick vegetation, but you decide to keep going even after Edgar stops! You see what must be the thickest part of the jungle ahead of you and hear movement in the trees overhead. A pair of bright green eyes stares at you from the canopy.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: Standing at the edge of the jungle.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth | Keyring | George (commanding) | Sword | Armor
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Black Eye
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Standing in the deep jungle.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes
Wounds: None
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Tiger-riding.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Sack o' Gold | Armor | Tiger (commanding)
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Being carried around by Urist.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x34
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Broken Leg
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Administrator
Description
Currently: Fumbling around with HighEndNoob's weapons.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Swordfish (Commanding) | Swordfish Arm
Wounds: None
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance
Name: George
Description: A 1.5-foot-tall rat with a scorpion stinger, gills and fins! He takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Amphibious

Locations
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor

[Dermonster]

RW: Hack it more! Turn off them senses! Disable its movement program! Mess with its rudimentary A.I!

MC: Assist in the hacking by attacking its firewalls with your computer speed!

FW: Summon a rat the size of a horse.

[Gatleos]

I fixed the link on the song for the fantasy turn. That song is surprisingly hard to find!

[monk12]

Meta: Possess Xenocalamus

Fantasy: "Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats, show yourselves or prepare to be keelhauled!"

Well it IS technically correct. Just stupid.

I also never said that it was a terribly good argument



FAKEEDIT: Now its gonna bug me, where is that song from?

[Dermonster]

I'd prefer Tribal Ebonpyre for an Island theme.

But dat's just me

[Gatleos]

I'd prefer Tribal Ebonpyre for an Island theme.

But dat's just me

Oh, it gets better. This is the "intro", I suppose.

Fantasy: "Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats, show yourselves or prepare to be keelhauled!"

You're going to keelhaul them while several miles inland?

FAKEEDIT: Now its gonna bug me, where is that song from?

Same game this song is from.

[monk12]

Fantasy: "Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats, show yourselves or prepare to be keelhauled!"

You're going to keelhaul them while several miles inland?

"Yarrr, I don't know what I'm doing"