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[Gatleos]

The heist begins! Also, 10th turn anniversary. Weeeeeee!

Okay, I want in!
Meta
    * Name: ('''\('-_-')/''')
    * Occupation: I am the man who arranges the blocks, that continue to fall from up above!
Fantasy
    * Name: ?!?
    * Occupation: Makes blocks for ^
    * Personality/Appearance: From Kazakhstan

PS, good luck pronouncing my names, and guess what I was listening to when I made this?

Added!

**********~
Turn 10
**********~

META TURN:

Elevator time!

Goals
Escape this ship, however we can.

Current Soundtrack
Elevator Music

Actions

Meta: Guard the elevator until everyone is in. Request going to Hanger.

(...) You fend off the jumping spiders long enough for everyone to get onto the elevator! The final wave of spiders flies at the door, but you deflect them with your mop by twirling it so fast it forms a shield.

Meta: Close the door at the appropriate time so it closes just after the last person gets in (use uncanny prediction to time it right).

(...) You mash the close door button just as the others dive into the elevator, and hear several hundred clanking sounds as the wave of mecha-spiders slams into the elevator door! Phew.

RW: Call a vote on the floor. Hit that floor button. Take a pain killer.

(...) You begin to call a vote on the floor, but Monk mashes the Hangar button before you say anything. So you pop a pain pill.

Meta: Hangar Bay, Ho!

(...) You lash out at the Hangar Bay button so hard that you break your finger! Be careful next time, jeez.

Meta: abstain from floor voting, ready self for elevator invasion.

(...) You scream like a little girl as the spiders fly toward you, but Kyle fights them off long enough for the door to shut.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Standing in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers
Wounds: Fractured Left Leg | Light Bleeding | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Laying crumpled in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Medical Scalpel
Wounds: Missing Arm | Very Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds (...)
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Standing in the elevator.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x4 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Broken Finger
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: Standing in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Floor Buffer | Rubber Gloves
Wounds: None
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might
Player: bowdown2q
Name: Paulie
Occupation: "Protection"
Description: My friend, it would be best... if you didn't know, capiche?
Currently: Standing in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Hand Cast | Box o' Gauze | Stimpak
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x2 | Broken Hand
Abilities: Blackhand | Dumb Muscle | Go For Broke

Locations

EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.
Medical Bay (Deck M3): It's got a ton of medical supplies, a surgical table, and a medical robot.
Janitor's Closet (Deck M3): Full of precious cleaning supplies!
Central Medical Bay (Main Deck): The main medical bay.
Cryogenics and Prosthetics Lab (Main Deck): It's in the central medical bay. Sounds interesting.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

It's dark, and the rain falls in thick sheets around you all as you gather behind the mayor's manor. Eight thieves' guild members are already at the meeting place.
"Glad you could all make it," says Lucas, "I trust you all remember the plan. Split into your group and head into the manor. Let's get this done fast."
The thieves split into two groups: group A led by Lucas, and group B led by Jimmy Rickets (Edgar recognizes him by the Naval Officer's description).

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE"

Current Soundtrack
This Cave is Creepy

Actions

Fantasy: look at one of the boats.

(...) While the others get on with the mission, you stand around and stare at boats. It gives you a headache. Stupid. YOU'RE STUPID!

Fantasy: Join the group that will be scaling the wall.

(...) You join group B and head off towards the wall. Some of the thieves have grappling hooks, but you decide to jump it! You barely manage to jump up and grab the lowest part of the balcony ledge, but can't pull yourself up.

FW: Discreetly begin summoning small but deadly rats in out of sight places, such as unseen corners and underneath low furniture.

(...) You begin to summon rats all over the place, until the whole prison is full of small (but deadly) rodents, hiding in the shadows. By midnight, all of the guards have fallen asleep save one. The rats are at your command.

Fantasy: Learn everything there is to know about Jimmy Rickets. Specifically, what's his ride and the relative loyalty of his crew? Then kill time until midnight by hanging out in the sloop. Join Group B for Balcony

(...) Before any of the thieves can even get close to the building, you throw your grappling hook onto the balcony railing and soar through the air, (...) bouncing harmlessly off the glass doors at the back of the balcony. Ouch. The others in group B (except Frelock and Artymir) join you on the balcony.

Fantasy: Prepare with group B

(...) You bounce up toward the railing, but only barely manage to hang on. Now you're hanging next to Frelock.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: In the barracks prison, summoning crap.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth
Wounds: Missing Tooth
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Hanging from the balcony.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Sack o' Gold | Map of Westport
Wounds: None
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Laying on the balcony.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Hand Missing
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Standing by the docks, staring at boats. STUPID.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Mask | Pebble | Throwing Dagger x20
Wounds: None
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: bowdown2q
Name: Artymir
Occupation: !!SCIENCE!!
Description: Being a scientist means never having to say you know what you're doing. Being a RUSSIAN scientist means never having a budget unless it can go HORRIBLY WRONG.
Inventory: Lab Coat | Monocle | Spring Shoes
Currently: Hanging from the balcony.
Wounds: Face Scar
Abilities: Menace | Before I Kill You, Mr. Bond | Mad Scientist

Locations

Manor Floorplan
Tavern: Generic-looking. There’s a crusty old barkeeper, a mean-looking dwarf with a scar readying his battleaxe, some drunken elves, and a spiffy-looking human sitting in the corner.
Thieves' Guild: A small set of rooms under the weapons shop filled with thieves. They're planning a raid on the mayor's manor.
Prison: It's in the barracks.

[Frelock]

Meta: Prepare to slice the first hostile thing that comes into this elevator with my scalpel.

Fantasy: Swing my sack 'o gold up and use it as an impromptu grappling hook.

[Dermonster]

RW: Attempt to stop my heavy bleeding in some way. Mecha spider: stand guard at the door.

FW: Rats: Seak into the guards beds and rip their jugulars at the same time. Make sure to get the wind pipe and vocal chords.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Wait until the elevator reaches the Hanger

Fantasy: Join the rest of the group.

[monk12]

Meta: "So, mysterious GM, what is your name?"

Fantasy: Help everyone up onto the balcony, then get on the roof. BEST PLAN EVER!

[Gatleos]

Fantasy: Help everyone up onto the balcony, then get on the roof. BEST PLAN EVER!

You aren't doing what I think you are...?

One left, then comes turn 11!

[Gatleos]

Alright, everyone who hasn't posted (i.e. BOWDOWN) will be NPC'd at 11:00 tonight (Mountain Time: -2 forum time).

[Gatleos]

Bowdown is officially NPC'd. if a player is NPC'd twice in a row, their explosive collar goes off.
As a result of bowdown's NPCing, things go hilariously bad at some point this turn. Hooray!

**********~
Turn 11
**********~

META TURN:

As the elevator approaches the hangar, you all hear a voice inside you minds.
"CONGRATULATIONS, PARTY 364. YOU HAVE SURVIVED THE INITIAL CHALLENGES. NOW THAT YOU HAVE PROVED YOURSELF WORTHY OF THE COMPETITION, I SHALL REVEAL YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL. THIS SHIP CONTAINS 8 KEYCARD STATIONS. THEIR LOCATIONS ARE UP TO YOU TO DISCOVER. EACH STATION MUST BE VISITED IN ORDER TO ENCODE YOUR NEURAL IMPLANTS WITH THE PROPER ACCESS CODES. ONCE YOUR PARTY HAS BEEN ENCODED WITH ALL 8 ACCESS CODES, YOU MAY ENTER MY CONTROL ROOM FOR YOUR REWARD. THE FIRST RTD TEAM TO SUCCESSFULLY ENTER MY CONTROL ROOM WINS. FROM THIS POINT ON, ALL SECURITY MEASURES ON THE SHIP WILL BE ACTIVATED FOR YOUR PARTY. END OF TRANSMISSION."

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Elevator Music

Actions

Meta: Prepare to slice the first hostile thing that comes into this elevator with my scalpel.

(...) You ready yourself for anything as the elevator speeds toward the top floor. The door opens on the hangar, and... there's nothing there.

RW: Attempt to stop my heavy bleeding in some way. Mecha spider: stand guard at the door.

(...) You grab some gauze from Paulie and attempt to stop your bleeding while the mech-spider stands guard at the door to the elevator. You're able to wrap up some cuts, but you're not quite done yet.

Meta: Wait until the elevator reaches the Hanger

(...) Argh, that elevator music is stuck in your head now. The elevator reaches its destination, and you run out into the hangar! As expected, it's a cavernous room with several large pieces of machinery used for maintenance. There are no ships currently inside, but the walls are covered in hemispherical slots, some of which contain some kind of spherical satellite. The open end of the hangar is covered in some kind of force-field. Looking at the other end of the hangar, you notice another elevator and... more people in jumpsuits?

Meta: "So, mysterious GM, what is your name?"

(...) "So, what is your name?" you telepathically transmit to the GM through your neural implant.
"IT DOES NOT CONCERN YOU HUMAN, BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW I HAVE NO GIVEN NAME. I HAVE NO USE FOR SUCH ARBITRARY LABELS, AND SHED MY FORMER TITLE LONG AGO."

NPC'd

(...) Exiting the elevator, you look toward the open end of the hangar and see something moving out in the vast void. It's getting closer... it's some kind of... satellite.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Standing in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers
Wounds: Light Bleeding | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Laying crumpled in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Medical Scalpel
Wounds: Missing Arm | Very Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds (...)
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Standing in the elevator.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x4 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Broken Finger
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: Standing in the hangar.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Floor Buffer | Rubber Gloves
Wounds: None
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might
Player: bowdown2q
Name: Paulie
Occupation: "Protection"
Description: My friend, it would be best... if you didn't know, capiche?
Currently: Looking out of the hangar.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Hand Cast | Box o' Gauze | Stimpak
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x2 | Broken Hand
Abilities: Blackhand | Dumb Muscle | Go For Broke

Locations
Maintenance Deck 3
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.
Medical Bay (Deck M3): It's got a ton of medical supplies, a surgical table, and a medical robot.
Janitor's Closet (Deck M3): Full of precious cleaning supplies!
Central Medical Bay (Main Deck): The main medical bay.
Cryogenics and Prosthetics Lab (Main Deck): It's in the central medical bay. Sounds interesting.
Hangar (Hangar Bay): A huge room used to receive smaller ships. It's empty...

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The heist is underway! The other thieves approach the back door on the balcony and begin fiddling with the lock.

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE"

Current Soundtrack
This Cave is Creepy

Actions

Fantasy: Swing my sack 'o gold up and use it as an impromptu grappling hook.

(...) Using your loot sack for leverage, you barely manage to stumble onto the balcony!

FW: Rats: Seak into the guards beds and rip their jugulars at the same time. Make sure to get the wind pipe and vocal chords.

(...) The rats hear your command and spring into action! A small pack of rats scurries into the barracks sleeping quarters and bite the necks of the sleeping guards. They are all killed except one, who lets out a piercing scream! The guard who was standing by your cell runs to investigate!

Fantasy: Join the rest of the group.

(...) You perform an incredible backflip onto the balcony above (...) and slam into the glass window, cracking it. The thieves look annoyed but continue lock-picking.

Fantasy: Help everyone up onto the balcony, then get on the roof. BEST PLAN EVER!

(...) You walk over to Artymir and help him onto the balcony, then leap up onto the roof of the manor without a sound!

NPC'd

(...) You run screaming toward the back door and leap straight through the glass! Shouts can be heard from below.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: In the barracks prison, killing people with rats.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth
Wounds: Missing Tooth
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Standing on the balcony.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Sack o' Gold | Map of Westport
Wounds: None
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Standing on the roof of the manor.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Hand Missing
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Laying on the balcony.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Mask | Pebble | Throwing Dagger x20
Wounds: None
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: bowdown2q
Name: Artymir
Occupation: !!SCIENCE!!
Description: Being a scientist means never having to say you know what you're doing. Being a RUSSIAN scientist means never having a budget unless it can go HORRIBLY WRONG.
Inventory: Lab Coat | Monocle | Spring Shoes
Currently: Standing on the balcony.
Wounds: Face Scar
Abilities: Menace | Before I Kill You, Mr. Bond | Mad Scientist

Locations
Westport Map

Tavern: Generic-looking. There’s a crusty old barkeeper, a mean-looking dwarf with a scar readying his battleaxe, some drunken elves, and a spiffy-looking human sitting in the corner.
Thieves' Guild: A small set of rooms under the weapons shop filled with thieves. They're planning a raid on the mayor's manor.
Prison: It's in the barracks.

[Gatleos]

I think the thread just sank...

[Dermonster]

Wait what no I just forgot to post thanks for reminding me.

RW: Ride mecha spider into the hanger.

FW: RATS! ATTACK!

[HighEndNoob]

Meta:
Look for anything of value in the hanger

Fantasy:
Get up and collect some glass pieces.

[Frelock]

Meta: Follow the group, and slice the first clearly hostile thing that comes into view

Fantasy:Wait until the thieves break the lock, then slip in and sap any guards on the head with my bag 'o coins.

[bowdown2q]

Meta: Get the hell out of the way; observe it before taking more action.

Fantasy: SCIENCE!!!!!!! Grab the nearest improvised weapon (or MAKE ONE), crouch near stairwell, and prepare to smack the first guard I see

[monk12]

I hope the reward is CAKE!

Meta: Get back in elevator, head to Main Deck

Fantasy: Using grappling hook, swing in through west window of the Mayors Bedroom. Eliminate guards, subdue mayor.

[Gatleos]

Oh boy. SNAFU time.

**********~
Turn 12
**********~

META TURN:

The satellite is entering the ship!

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Final Flight

Actions

RW: Ride mecha spider into the hanger.

(...) Hopping onto the mecha-spider, you ride into the hangar and have a look around. You quickly notice a spherical satellite-like object passing through the hangar bay shield.

Meta:
Look for anything of value in the hanger

(...) You run further into the hangar and find a SHINY RED BUTTON clearly marked "SCRAMBLE THE DRONES".
"Ooh! I wonder what this does?!"
Immediately after pressing it, a deafening noise fills the hangar as all the spherical objects embedded in the walls dismount from their alcoves and let out a screeching siren! The distant figures in jumpsuits at the other end of the hangar make a break for the elevator they arrived in as the attack drones brandish large laser rifles from a lower compartment and begin zooming around the hangar!

Meta: Follow the group, and slice the first clearly hostile thing that comes into view

(...) You immediately fall on your face, and are nearly deafened by loud sirens. What is that?!

Meta: Get the hell out of the way; observe it before taking more action.

(...) There are plenty to observe now! Unfortunately, you have already run off to hide in the elevator.

Meta: Get back in elevator, head to Main Deck

(...) You trip over your own feet as a drone passes overhead, accidentally tossing a grenade into the air! The grenade obliterates the drone and a rain of shrapnel flies in every direction!
Dodgin' time!

• dermonster: (...) Several large pieces of shrapnel scrape you as they fly past, and one especially large piece pins you to the mecha-spider by your leg!
• Frelock: (...) A few pieces of shrapnel fly your way, but you deftly dodge them and get back on your feet.
• monk12: (...) The largest chunk of the drone lands directly on you, crushing your legs and rendering you immobile.
• HighEndNoob: (...) You kick physics in the balls in an attempt to dodge the shrapnel and backflip 15 feet into the air, landing on top of one of the security drones! This won't end well...
• bowdown2q: (...) You're cowering in the elevator, the shrapnel can't reach you.

The drones begin to attack, firing lasers in every direction! GAAAAHHHHH

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Currently: Riding the mecha-spider - he has no choice, really.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Currently: Standing in the hangar, dodging shrapnel.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Medical Scalpel
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Currently: Being crushed by burning metal.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Frag Grenade x3 | Plasma Rifle
Wounds: Broken Finger | Broken Leg x2
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Currently: Riding a security drone. Yee-haw!
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Floor Buffer | Rubber Gloves
Wounds: None
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might
Player: bowdown2q
Name: Paulie
Occupation: "Protection"
Description: My friend, it would be best... if you didn't know, capiche?
Currently: Hiding in the elevator.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Hand Cast | Box o' Gauze | Stimpak
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x2 | Broken Hand
Abilities: Blackhand | Dumb Muscle | Go For Broke

Locations
Maintenance Deck 3
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.
Medical Bay (Deck M3): It's got a ton of medical supplies, a surgical table, and a medical robot.
Janitor's Closet (Deck M3): Full of precious cleaning supplies!
Central Medical Bay (Main Deck): The main medical bay.
Cryogenics and Prosthetics Lab (Main Deck): It's in the central medical bay. Sounds interesting.
Hangar (Hangar Bay): A huge room used to receive smaller ships. The drones have been scrambled!

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

Now you've done it. The fuzz is coming!

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE"

Current Soundtrack
This Cave is Creepy

Actions

FW: RATS! ATTACK!

(...) The rats manage to rip out the screaming guard's throat and get a jump on the other one as he enters the room.
"What's going on in he-"
(...)
"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!"
The rats leap onto the guard's face and knock him to the floor, then slit his throat. The barracks is empty save for you and that female warrior from the bar, who is in the other cell. The rest of the guards must be up at the manor...

Fantasy:
Get up and collect some glass pieces.

(...) Instead of checking if Artymir is okay, your first thought is "Ooh! New weapons!" So you stand up and try to collect glass. All you manage to do is slip on the tiny shards and land on your back again.

Fantasy:Wait until the thieves break the lock, then slip in and sap any guards on the head with my bag 'o coins.

(...) You run into the manor just in time to see a guard running up the stairs! (...) You slam your bag of coins into the guard's chest, knocking the wind out of him! He collapses to the floor. You can hear more guards coming toward the stairs!

Fantasy: SCIENCE!!!!!!! Grab the nearest improvised weapon (or MAKE ONE), crouch near stairwell, and prepare to smack the first guard I see

(...) You tear off part of your lab coat and prepare to use it as a slingshot with a glass shard, but can't quite make it to the stairs.

Fantasy: Using grappling hook, swing in through west window of the Mayors Bedroom. Eliminate guards, subdue mayor.

(...) You anchor your grappling hook to the chimney [You didn't do what I thought you would, by the way ] and swing through the west window of the mayor's bedroom! The mayor sits bolt upright in his bed.
"What the bloody hell is going on?!"
One of the guards in the bedroom has already run out into the hall, but the other sees you and charges with her sword held high! (...) You manage to slip to the side as the guard's sword encroaches upon your face. Unfortunately, she manages to hit your arm (...) and slice your right forearm clean off! Not again!

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Currently: In the barracks prison, killing people with rats.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Left Upper Canine Tooth
Wounds: Missing Tooth
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Currently: Beating people to death with a sack of coins.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Sack o' Gold | Map of Westport
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Currently: Flailing around, spewing blood.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Currently: Laying on the balcony. Again.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Star x1 | Mask | Pebble | Throwing Dagger x20
Wounds: None
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: bowdown2q
Name: Artymir
Occupation: !!SCIENCE!!
Description: Being a scientist means never having to say you know what you're doing. Being a RUSSIAN scientist means never having a budget unless it can go HORRIBLY WRONG.
Inventory: Lab Coat | Monocle | Spring Shoes | Slingshot
Currently: Readying slingshot.
Wounds: Face Scar
Abilities: Menace | Before I Kill You, Mr. Bond | Mad Scientist

Locations
Westport Map

Tavern: Generic-looking. There’s a crusty old barkeeper, a mean-looking dwarf with a scar readying his battleaxe, some drunken elves, and a spiffy-looking human sitting in the corner.
Thieves' Guild: A small set of rooms under the weapons shop filled with thieves. They're planning a raid on the mayor's manor.
Prison: It's in the barracks. The female warrior from the tavern is locked in one of the cells.