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[Dermonster]

I'm here as always.

Where the hell IS HEN? He's had since a long ass time!

[Sean Mirrsen]

He's active, maybe he just forgot. You should PM him.

[Frelock]

Woo hoo!  It's alive!  I'm alive!  I like living.

[monk12]

Woo hoo!  It's alive!  I'm alive!  I like living.

Dying is usually inconvenient

[Cepheid]

I spent all of last week and the weekend reading and laughing hard at this, with some displeasure.  Going into laughing fits shortly after having your wisdom teeth ripped HORRIBLY OH MY GODS from your mouth is not conducive to healing or you know, not being in pain.

It was a fun read, though, despite the pain.

[HighEndNoob]

Opps, didn't notice this.
Meta: Try to bandage the wound
CLEANZOR: Exact my revenge!
Fantasy: Follow Urist

[Dermonster]

Hello? *Clears out some dust* Anyone home?

[TFBeyond]

Nooo...! It can't end now, I just finished reading! ;_;

FAKEEDIT: This thread is hilarious. I have no idea how you keep up with it all and forge ahead at the same time.

Also, Derm, you are an unholy monster. Spawned from the blackest abyss and dropped into this otherwise comparitively innocent endeavour, specifically to cause chaos, mayhem, pain, loss and confusion. Carry on the good work.

Frelock, you are perhaps the unluckiest sonofa- that ever lived. Sorry about that.

Divide, keep on Dorfin'. You're doing the mountainhome proud... I think.

HEN... never have I seen so much owed by so many to so few a mop.

Monk - I can't decide whether you're an awesome or a terrible MacGuyver. Please advise.

and finally Gatleos... you've got the patience of a saint, the processing power of a mainframe and the twisted imagination of a mad genius. Bravo.

[Theifofdreams]

and finally Gatleos... you've got the patience of a saint, the processing power of a mainframe and the twisted imagination of a mad genius. Bravo.

This has so far proven true. Unfortunately, Gatleos also has the scheduling capabilities of a half drowned monkey, which is why updates are sporadic, and occasionally often infrequent.

[Dermonster]

Also, Derm, you are an unholy monster. Spawned from the blackest abyss and dropped into this otherwise comparitively innocent endeavour, specifically to cause chaos, mayhem, pain, loss and confusion. Carry on the good work.

Thank you, thank you!

And then it turns out I'm the final boss and ALLACCORDINGTOPLAN.

[TFBeyond]

Also, Derm, you are an unholy monster. Spawned from the blackest abyss and dropped into this otherwise comparitively innocent endeavour, specifically to cause chaos, mayhem, pain, loss and confusion. Carry on the good work.

Thank you, thank you!

And then it turns out I'm the final boss and ALLACCORDINGTOPLAN.

This makes too much sense not to be true. Damnit, Derm! Spoilers!

[Gatleos]

Again, I've been spending the last week or so picking up the pieces of my shattered life computer. But I'm back now, let's get this party (re)started!

**********~
Turn 125
**********~

META TURN:

Time to up the arsenal.

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Elevator Room

Actions

RW: Get to the labs and gather parts like because my life depends on it.

(...) Choosing to put off examination of the plight of your fictional split personality until later, you step onto the telepad and beam up to the main telechamber. You then run down the hall, mash the M1 button on the elevator control panel, step out into the lab, and begin rummaging through the assorted implements on the table. You soon come across two bottles: one labeled "Xorochemaxiline", the other labeled "Do Not Mix With Xorochemaxiline". You pocket them both.

Meta: Inform non-pirate/hippo hallucination that he is from the future, double-u tee eff, then explore the rest of the room.

(...) You look around the room a bit, but don't notice anything too important. You look at <UNNAMED APPARITION>. <UNNAMED APPARITION> shrugs.

Meta: Test gun on something non-important looking, and preferably far away

(...) You immediately point the gun at the nearest cryo-tank and pull the trigger! The tank shatters, sending sharp shards of glass flying around the room!

Cool, it's like the Gravity Gu- AAAUUUUGH

• Frederick: (...) You get a face-full of glass! Your face is sliced quite thoroughly.
• Monk: (...) The glass skims past you as you drop to the floor, scraping your back!
• Derek: (...) You quickly duck under the table to avoid the flying glass!

The same disgusting fluid flows out of the shattered tank, and the deformed monstrosity within falls to the floor.

...And then gets back up again.

RW: Yeah... follow someone.

(...) You follow Derm over to the teleporter. Suddenly, you're tackled onto the teleporter and beamed up to the telechamber! Cleanz0r chases you down the hall toward the elevator! You run into the elevator and smash the M1 button, but Cleanz0r gets inside too! He rolls all over you with his treads. The elevator arrives in the laboratory. You hear something made of glass shatter loudly, and then a loud roar!

Meta: Try to bandage the wound
CLEANZOR: Exact my revenge!

(...) You grab a discarded piece of paper on the floor of the storage room and use it to soak up some blood from your head. It... kinda works.
(...) Cleanz0r tackles John through the teleporter and disappears from sight!

The genetic abomination gets up, shakes off the shards of glass, then roars and leaps onto the table!

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: R&D Lab Alpha, Deck M1
Currently: Hiding under the table.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Keen Helmet | Pencil x4 | Coffee Mug | Sonic Cannon | Red Bottle | Blue Bottle
Wounds: Heavy Burns
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG | No Delta Brain Wave | Split Personality
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: R&D Lab Alpha, Deck M1
Currently: Bleeding and cursing.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Laser Dagger | Cheetah Arm | Thermometer | Odd Gun
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: R&D Lab Alpha, Deck M1
Currently: Screaming and holding his (now moldy and gooey) hat to his head.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Plasma Rifle | Balloon Animal | Mirror Suit | Genetic Slop
Wounds: Light Bleeding
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis | Pyrokinesis | Legendary Record Keeper
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Location: Secondary Storage
Currently: Standing all alone in secondary storage, just waiting for another mechanical spider ambush.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit | Power Cleaner | Wheelchair | Burlap Sack | Spray Can | Gas Mask | Bucket | Cleanz0r (commanding)
Wounds: Missing Legs | Quadruple Head Bumps | Blind | Light Bleeding
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT | Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy | Clairvoyance
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: R&D Lab Alpha, Deck M1
Currently: Getting trampled by Cleanz0r.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | 1/2 Jumpsuit | Turban | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard | Fake Ammo Belts | Caruso Shades | Cheetah Arm | Spacesuit | Arm Cannon | Paperweight x3
Wounds: Brain Damage
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now | X-Ray Vision
Name: Cleanz0r
Description: A bulky cleaning robot who takes orders from Kyle.
Inventory: Disinfectant | Cleaning Brush x3
Wounds: None
Abilities: None

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong
Spur of Conflagration to Giga Lazor

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
Maintenance Deck 3, Engineering Lab
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The quest for The Keystone has begun.

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!
Establish diplomatic relations with the Goblins! Failed Miserably
Brave the depths of Bistökmafol and deliver the package.

Current Soundtrack
Battle

Actions

FW:Make my right left foot into a right right foot, because my left left foot should be the only left foot left, right?.

(...) You now have two right feet.

Fantasy: Grappling hook to the face!

(...) The grappling hook shoots out of your arm, catching the Bat Man by surprise! (...) The flying, spring-launched chunk of metal strikes the Bat Man in the face, causing his head asplode! The Bat Man's lifeless body is tackled in midair by Frelock. Meanwhile, the grappling hook flies overhead and latches onto the wall above, pulling you up to the second floor of the open dining room (level 31)! You shake your head and look around. You're standing on a thin walkway on the periphery of the dining room, about 10 feet above the floor below. There are two hallways. One leads to the walkway above, the other into another, unexplored part of the fortress.

Fantasy: I believe there is a batman who needs to be delivered to the mother of death!

(...) You tackle the headless Bat Man's body out of the air and rip it in half with your bare hands! Blood flows to your mistress, and you are rewarded with a brand new liver.

FW: Enter food stockpile. If applicable, look for sun berries.

(...) You run into the food stockpile, slice open a barrel with your battleaxe, and chug a few quarts of ale. When you stand up, you find a small creature staring back at you.
"'Ello, there, Dwarf! Ye seem to be of the adveturin' type. Ye wouldn't happen to be lookin' fer keys, would ye? I got one right 'ere, but I think ye'll hafta earn it."

Fantasy: Follow Urist

(...) You attempt to crawl after Urist, but the shooting pain in your foot has other ideas.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Idly mutilating himself in the lobby.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring| Mutie (Commanding) | Sword | Armor | Rat x2 (Commanding) | ≡Plump Helmet Roast≡
Wounds: Heavy Burns | Brittle Skull | Missing Right Arm | Missing Leg x2 | Light Bleeding x2 | Faint
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Tentacle Arm | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift | Lightning Rod | Bonesalve The Savior of Mending | Two Left Right Feet
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Dining Room, Bistökmafol
Currently: Acquiring the cherished ability to filter blood toxins.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Derm's Leg
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion | Greater Legsplosion | Armsplosion | Lich Curse
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Dining Room, Bistökmafol
Currently: Looking down on his comrades from on high.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow | Case of Booze | Mysteeeeeeerious Package | Scrying Orb | Ghost of Bloodbeard (Commanding) | Living Peg-Leg (Parasitically Leeching Life Force From)
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Left Arm Missing | Missing Leg x2 | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Booze Power | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar | Possessed
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Location: Dining Room, Bistökmafol
Currently: Crawling around uselessly.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x9 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel | Map of Bistökmafol
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Twisted Ankle
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact | Best Death EVAR | Legendary Swimmer
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Location: Food Stockpile, Bistökmafol
Currently: Wishing he hadn't guzzled so much ale just now.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Monkeytear the Fanciness of Wearing | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Bamboo Pegarm | Stone Arm | Ozurlidod | Crundle Pelt
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Crooked Toe | Heavy Bruising | Missing Tooth x2 | Black Eye | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance | Prehensile Beard | Legendary Leatherworker
Name: Mutie
Description: A giant mass of biological matter with a cat head sticking out of it. It takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Venomous Bite

Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress

[Frelock]

Ooo... I bet I got the riddle.  Is it

Spoiler: DBZ, no peaking (click to show/hide)

Grass?  Gives nourishment, circle of life means buried things become part of it, and appears in spring after a thaw.

Also, mmmm...liver.

Meta: Use gravity gun to pick up all the pieces of glass, and propel them at the abomination's face.

Fantasy: Continue to brave the path into the depths of the fortress.

[Dermonster]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY


RW: Facemelt the abomination

FW: Fix the feet.
Mutie: Pick me up and head on over to wherever everyone else is at.

[monk12]

Hooray computer necromancy!


Meta: Attempt to ignite the goop-covered monstrosity.

Fantasy: Exploration ho!