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[Sheb]

You do look a bit like a bond villain though, or an SS. Which is like "Awesome but scary".

[Jackrabbit]

I figure you can either look like Jesus or a man about to throw a hatchet into your head whilst doing a backflip from twenty meters away. Either's good.

[Kagus]

There's a third option as well, you know...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Not to mention my usual "good little soldier" when I've got a touch of hair on my head, but y'ain't gonna see none of that until I actually find a decent picture where that's depicted.

[Siquo]

Space monkey! Ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good!

[Kagus]

Alright, gonna be kicking it Norwegian style by heading up to a hermit community so I can sit in a house with an overhead lawn for a few days before coming back down for the weekend.  That's just how awesome we are.

This of course means that I'm going to be roughing it without a net access, so I won't be able to update at all until I get back.


...so, basically, you won't notice a thing.

[Carrion]

Good luck to you, then.

I just popped in to ask (since a quick search didn't crop up an answer) if this is to what you were referring...

[Kagus]

Right, so, back from leave, finally...

So I took a train at 11:00AM to get to the airport in time for the bus which would leave 01:30PM, so I could get to the military terminal for a flight scheduled for 04:00PM, which we had to meet up two hours early for.

As it turned out, the friggin' huge military airplane we were supposed to take had come down with an Easter sniffle and was canned.  As such, we had to take a standard charter flight, which needed an extra hour to get ready for the big show.

So when we finally left the ground at 05:15PM, we were all quite happy to stop waiting on the ground.  Now we could just sit back and wait in the air for a few hours as we puttered back up to base.

When we got back, we were welcomed by a short supper which was interrupted by an obligatory meeting from one of the chaps who came in last year.  This was in regards to how all of them would be moving in with all of us, so we'd need to do some heavy lifting.

Yes, some very heavy lifting...  Why?  Because with all the junk you have to pack into the military closets, and all the time you have to spend doing it, it's much easier to just pick up and shove the whole damned closet.  This is also pretty much the only option when the guy you're helping to move hasn't arrived back from leave yet, which was the case for us.  Nice fellow, rather quiet...  Came from a six-man room with three people in it, so they had split the seven closets between them.

...yeah.  Just what I felt like doing at nine in the evening.


We've also received a plan for the rest of the week, which has been hung up in the hallway.  A quick glance is really all one needed to see what we had in store for us as a "Welcome Back!", courtesy of the Norwegian Armed Forces...

Here's what we did today, as a fair example of how the whole week looks:  First, run for an hour.  Then, switch into full combat gear and run around in the forest for two and a half hours.  Lunch break...  After lunch, get a practice-run of the half-snowed-in 30-point obstacle course.  This lasts around three hours, and consists of crawling through mud, water, snow AND ice.  In the only clean uniform you have left, thanks to the first aid course we had before taking off, and all the fake blood it used.

Yep.  Tomorrow we have sprinting, followed by combat training, followed by more combat training, followed by combat training the next day...  And then it's time for the extra-special cleaning we have every weekend which is inspected all the more closely because it's theoretically supposed to last for a couple days until next Monday.


So, yeah.  First you earn your leave, then you have to pay for it.  That's how we roll.  But, hey, I've got things to look forward to...  For one, I'm damned curious as to what's gonna happen when I bump into Cola-girl again (who shall from here on be referred to as "Scully", due to her being a pretty redhead of diminutive stature).  For another point, I might get an opportunity to un-rust my special masseuse powers, as I've gotten a potential volunteer labrat just recently.


Note:  One of the sergeants has started referring to us as Special Forces, as a play on the Norwegian term for the Field Command soldiers that we really are ("Kommando", same word used for the real commandos).

[Kagus]

Ahh, the weekend...  One thing about the military is that you learn to really appreciate the hell out of your time off.

Most of our "combat training" has been going out into the woods (this is just a matter of walking down a hill and out a hole in the fence.  Wait, hole in the fence?  I thought this was a high-security military installation!  I guess that's how all the moose get in...) and then digging a hole in the muck.

This is of course still northern Norway, and the muck is frozen with a layer of snow over most of it.  Some heavy digging is just the thing to warm things up however, and several groups had to start from scratch with new holes after the old ones got flooded during excavation.

So we got our hands good and dirty for a couple days (at the end of which was the obligatory griping from the sergeants about how we took two days to do an hour's work), threw in some random other combat technique repetition, then called things good with a final inspection of all the foxholes.  To spice things up (it was quite clear the sergeants, who did not dig holes, were bored out of their skulls), we were informed that there would be a prize for best hole dug.  As extraordinary dedication, work ethic and determination (A.K.A. 'Luck') would have it, my group got voted as most holey.  The prize was as yet undecided, however, and the sergeant gave us half an hour early lunch break so he could wander off and think of something (most of us suspected the prize would be the honor of filling in all the holes afterward).

Later that day I had a bag of "Bamsemums" (essentially chocolate-covered marshmallows in the shape of hideously mutated bears) thrown at my face as means of a reward.  Welcome to the Norwegian Army, maggots!


Now that we've got some spare time, it's important that I get my chill on to recharge my batteries for the week ahead...  Other good ideas include polishing the grime off my gun (no, not that gun.  Sick bastard), clothes and boots.  Like many good ideas, I am very good at coming up with them and very bad at following through with them.  We'll see what happens.


P.S.
Since last night was the infamous Friday Night, someone decided to take a shit just outside the doors to our wing of the barracks.  What's ironic about this doo's placement is that it's about two feet away from the bathroom window...

Another special note is that this is the third step in an ongoing escalation of disgusting behavior here at camp.  First, people threw packets of snus into the urinals (forcing some very happy grunts to pluck them out individually the next day).  Next, someone pissed in the sauna's steam unit...  twice.  And now we have a lovely crap to round out the process.  Oh, yeah, and someone vomited into a windowsill this morning...  Forgot to mention that.


You really have to admire this country.

[Kagus]

Well, there's another weekend used up...  But I'm actually looking forward to this coming work week, for a change.

The reason for this was explained to us on Friday during our chat with the platoon commander, where he told us about the military planning process...

For us new chaps, they'd set up some special junk that I can't quite remember...  But the point was that this stuff needed an area to be booked for that purpose.  As it turned out, the people in charge of booking had requested the correct days, but in the wrong month.  So that's right out.

At the same time, the elder contingent was supposed to head out to the shooting range for a rare spot of practice.  However, while they may make full use of whatever they like on the shooting range, they are not allowed to actually shoot anything (apparently, the new environmentally-friendly ammunition type we're using isn't particularly friendly to the humans using it).  Not much point in that, either.

So, as a last-ditch attempt to find something for us to do, The Powers That Be have decided that we could probably start with Close Quarters Combat training.

And with that, we are all eagerly looking forward to punching each other in the face tomorrow.  I'm quite interested in finding out if I've still managed to keep anything from my old Tae-Kwon-Do experience...  But regardless, there's nothing that soothes the testosteroned male like hitting someone and getting hit in return.  It's a lovely cycle.


Not actually in the lightest of moods right now, in general...  Getting progressively more and more irritated with humanity thanks to my uncomfortably close contact with the general populace in here.  Been blowing off steam with beer and loud music, but there's always that irritating little worm in the back of my head that insists I should lose myself and join the crowd.

Well, fuck worms.  I can dig holes and punch people.

[Kagus]

Yeah...  Impressionist martial arts...  Possibly abstract.

Basically, we had a couple days with some Close Combat training, which was all rather haphazard and consisted primarily of exercises preparing us for the actual training, which we then ran out of time for due to all the exercising.  Some of the exercises were the standard military version of absurdity, like buddying up with someone, hopping onto his back, and then climbing over his shoulder, between his legs, and then back into starting position without ever touching the ground.

The other exercises were more just entertaining, like Free For All Dodgeball with push-up penalties for getting hit (the sergeants joined in after a few minutes of this and became PRIORITY TARGETS for all players).

The good bits actually came on Thursday...  We'd managed to borrow a certain amount of equipment from another division, including some special vests and rifle attachments...  The rifle attachments were Blank Firing Adapters that made it possible for the lower gas pressure of a blank to actually reload the gun by itself (instead of having to pull the damn thing back manually after each shot), plus a little laser doohicky...

The vests were battery-powered suits with receptors that reacted to the little laser doohickys on the guns.  Can you see where this is going?


What followed was a day of "Laser Tag: eXtreme Edition".  Welcome to the shit.


Note that we're all still pretty green...  And, as it would appear, so are the guys from the older contingent who will have completed their year of service in about eight weeks.  As such, our field tactics and planning are a little...

...well, inefficient would be a very kind term for it.  A more accurate description would be "Why the hell are you attacking the firing position that was just cleared out and occupied by your companion squad, and why didn't you do anything when the enemy soldiers flushed from that same position ran right across your noses two minutes ago?"

Still though, when the air is crackling with gunfire and explosions (another division was practicing detonations just across the field from us), and you're trying to run as fast into cover as possible because the enemy is located somewhere over in some general direction...  Yeah, you're in the goddamn moment.


We had a couple instances this week of high-quality military efficiency...  Like when the officers suddenly realized that they'd failed to account for us not having picked up our weapons from the quarterly maintenance performed by the workshop when we were supposed to have some gun training, so they just assembled the troop and said "Uhh...  Alright, you have one hour to count all your military equipment!".

They then handed out a number of printouts of our equipment list so that we could check that we had the right amount.  Of course, there weren't enough printouts for everybody, and the lists were poorly written and organized and were last updated two years ago.  But so long as we were kept theoretically busy for an hour, then it was fine by them.


We also were supposed to roll out some flooring in the gymnasium for the Norwegian Veterans' Day, which is on the eighth.  The group assigned to floor duty was split into two groups, one that could fit into the military car and one that couldn't.  I was in the group that walked.

We wound up arriving several minutes before the car group, despite us making a point of walking slowly and thus avoiding as much work as possible.  When we got down to the building that housed the gym we sat around and waited for the sergeant who eventually came and found out that someone else had booked the gym until noon, so we could basically just walk back to base for all the good it would do.


Friday included an hour with the troop commander, where he informed us about a charming little tradition they apparently have in the Norwegian Armed Forces...    When the troop commander oversleeps, everyone gets cake.

We then had our generally entertaining meeting with him, which then cut off to let us go clean our rooms for the weekend inspection.  Following a rather colorful discussion with one of the fellows in our room, we discovered we had far less time to clean the room than we had previously thought, and stressed like madmen to get everything shined up in time.  When at last the final bell was struck, the sergeant came in, looked at the sink, and asked "Have you cleaned in here?".  We said yes, and he responded with "Good.  Looks fine.", after which he left to check the next room over.


Friday brought more goodness into my life than just any day off, however...  I have, after several months of service, finally gotten my soldier's ID card!  Sure, I look a bit like an asylum runaway, but it gets me through the gate just fine!

I've still got the old handwritten note though, just as a keepsake.

[olemars]

The good bits actually came on Thursday...  We'd managed to borrow a certain amount of equipment from another division, including some special vests and rifle attachments...  The rifle attachments were Blank Firing Adapters that made it possible for the lower gas pressure of a blank to actually reload the gun by itself (instead of having to pull the damn thing back manually after each shot), plus a little laser doohicky...

The vests were battery-powered suits with receptors that reacted to the little laser doohickys on the guns.  Can you see where this is going?


What followed was a day of "Laser Tag: eXtreme Edition".  Welcome to the shit.

MILES simulators. Lucky bastards. Normally they don't use them since they're afraid they'll just get broken by morons (ie conscripts).

We also were supposed to roll out some flooring in the gymnasium for the Norwegian Veterans' Day, which is on the eighth.  The group assigned to floor duty was split into two groups, one that could fit into the military car and one that couldn't.  I was in the group that walked.

What do you mean couldn't fit? That's defeatist thinking. Our sargeant managed to stuff 10 of us + gear in the back of a geländewagen, in part by having the last two lie stretched out across the knees of everyone who were sitting on the benches.

Following a rather colorful discussion with one of the fellows in our room, we discovered we had far less time to clean the room than we had previously thought, and stressed like madmen to get everything shined up in time.  When at last the final bell was struck, the sergeant came in, looked at the sink, and asked "Have you cleaned in here?".  We said yes, and he responded with "Good.  Looks fine.", after which he left to check the next room over.

They usually do this once they're confident the brainwash has set in sufficiently. Congratulations, you now have a military mind!

[Strife26]

Man, I remember us getting eight privates plus two drivers in a single four door government sedan. All eight of us had full US armor, assault bags, rifles, and full combat loads of ammo. I sprawled out in the trunk. Good times.

[Kagus]

Pff, you silly Americans and your armor...  We rely on not getting shot at in the first place!


I heard someone say that the only real purpose the Norwegian military serves is to hold back a potential invasion for 24 hours, long enough for other NATO forces to arrive and actually pull some weight...  Current estimates of our holding ability are around 2-3 hours.

On a good day.

If they tell us they're coming.

[Jackrabbit]

I assumed you'd be getting a buttload of training in with stuff like the MILES gear, but then I don't know anything about the military. So far it sounds like you could count the times you were in a simulated combat situation on one hand.

[Kagus]

That's because we're the goddamn housewives of the military community.  While the men are out working (2. Battalion, Armored, etc.), we're back home keeping the tents tidy and making sure everyone has enough barbed wire to go around (three times).

The only reason we have infantry training at all is because it kinda sounds like something we ought to be doing, since we're in here.  As I said before, the administration is pulling in some of the old type of ammunition so that they can continue training for the divisions that "actually need to shoot".  The fact that we have to point our guns down and yell "bang" when someone comes within 60 feet is no less hilarious than the fact that it's pretty much an accurate preparation of what we're going to be dealing with.