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[Argonnek]

"Ma^aaagiic" you say, the sarcasm dripping from your voice. You wave your arms vaguely. He gives you a hateful look. "Why are these labs here?"

He takes a while to answer, visibly trying to keep himself calm. "To study the strange and wonderous things in the caverns," he says through clenched teeth. "Everything we've discovered, however, has just proven long-standing scientific theory wrong."

"Like what?"

"Well," he turns away from you. "This giant tiger you see through the windows can't exist. It is too large, and studies of its bones show they aren't very different from a normal animal's."

"Why is that a problem?"

"It's a problem because making animals bigger doesn't work very well. As you increase in size, you also increase in weight."

"It looks a bit malnourished to me."

"Irrelevant. Its bones aren't strong enough to support their own weight. According to the laws of physics that monster should collapse under its own weight and die as all of its organs are crushed by its skin."

"How did you get at its bones?"

"Surgery," he replies. Well duh, you think to yourself.

"Well, anyway, how do I get out of here?"

"Don't ask me. The contract I signed made me promise never to leave unless there is an emergency of epic proportions. I'm stuck here."

"Why the hell would you sign something like that?"

"You've never been through our criminal justice system, have you?"

"What?"

"No, nothing." He walks over to the window and looks down at the tiger.

"So you don't know of a way out."

"Nope, but the head of staff does." You notice the guards smiling at each other.

"Where is he?"

"Taking a dirt nap."

[quip]

"If it's not to much of a prying question, how did he die?"

[Urist McCheeseMaker]

Build a waterwheel and a pump that power eachother indefinitely.

Barring that, think of a way to use their possible interest in Fortresssparks (the hammer to our nails) to gain an advantage, financially or otherwise. Be sure to let them know beforehand that, if you die, it'll lose its most remarkable properties: the shapeshifting and returning. If they try to capture you, it'll still be with you and you can easily escape.

[AntiAntiMatter]

Inquire as to his death and any other stuff they have that contradicts the laws of physics.

[Argonnek]

"How did he die?" you ask.

"No one knows, but he was last seen being taken away from the medical ward with a sheet over his face."

"He hasn't been replaced?"

"It was only last week when he died, and he wasn't the first. No one is too eager to volunteer for the position." He gives you a pointed look.

"Are there other things that defy the basic laws of the universe?" You walk up and join him at the window.

"Well, there's you, for one."

"Me?"

"Yup, you poofed out of nowhere and started attacking my subject down there." He points to the tiger, and to the small spots of its blood on the ground. "The wounds weren't terrible, but you damaged one of its knees and almost severed the Achilles tendon."

"Yeah... Sorry about that."

"It'll heal."

"So... How far have you explored the caverns?"

"Oh, we've lost quite a few expeditions, and we're running out of death-row inmates to conscript."

"Isn't that cruel and unusual?"

"No, they're briefed on the risks before they go." He looks away. "_{Not that they can refuse,}" he mutters under his breath.

"What was that?" you ask.

"Nothing," he says innocently.

[Urist McCheeseMaker]

Soo.. time to make like a homosexual and poof outta here?

Yeah, that wasn't one of my better jokes. Sorry folks. Anyway, ask if any of them reported seeing short, beardy folks.

[Argonnek]

It's probably a mortal sin to bump my own thread, but are there any more suggestions?

[powpow]

idk maybe a twist to pick up the story likeeeeeeeee...........................................erm terroist elves carrying wooden uzies and smgs attacking the facilaty?

as i said idk... any one else got anything?

[quip]

I thought he meant like actions, not plot twists?
Uhhhhh...
Ask about what they are going to do with you.

[Nivim]

 (We don't have much interesting detail to work with, this time. It just seems like a generic unethical research facility.)

"Yeah, well I'm sure it's nothing to you." Your tone indicating you know exactly what is going on and it mildly offends you. Do you still have all of your supplies? "Well, I'm outta here." Just start walking out, up, and around until you find the exit. If anyone tries to stop you or slow you, act intelligently belligerent about their goals and efforts while scanning into their auras to learn their personalities/dark secrets (look at them plainly in the eyes as you do this [dark, piercing stare]). Then use that information with curt, ironic, extremely personal statements to shock them into inaction, while you also use your body language and tone to denote that you know everything about what this facility/staff does and you consider it ephemeral public knowledge.

[Urist McCheeseMaker]

Uhm.. our goal was to get back to the city, right? I agree with Nivm. Use our mysterious and spooky powers to get out of this place, then find a way back to real civilization.

[Argonnek]

"Nothing to you, maybe. I doubt their families would agree, though."
Before he has a chance to reply, you turn and waltz toward the exit. You pass the computer bank and reach the door. A guard impedes your path, but before you can react, he flies to the side as the door jerks open and a mob of scientists with hands full of doodads surround you.
"Wha-" you try to begin.

"How long have you been here?" one of them asks frantically.
"Where were you before?" asks another.
"What were you doing before you came here?!"
"Has this happened before?"
"Did you come into contact with the caverns?"
"Were you harmed in any way?"

"Uhhh..." Erg! Overload!

"Well? Come on!"
"Hurry!"
"Out with it!"
"Will you stop-"

"SILENCE!" The scientists balk at your outburst. You hold out your hands as you get up. "Move it." They remain a solid wall.
An idea comes to mind. You have Fortresssparks go down your pant leg - a... unique sensation - and move across the floor. "Look! An anomaly!" you yell while pointing at Fortresssparks. They look and they quickly start to dogpile. You bolt for the exit and, at the last second, call fortresssparks to you. As you run down the hall, you hear screaming behind you. Though Fortresssparks doesn't have any blood on it, you notice that it shines a little brighter. Well, now you have to leave. After you get a good distance away, you slow to a quick walk and start looking for ways up. You don't see any immediately, and you don't think looking into rooms would be a good idea.
Mere minutes later, you find a staircase... downward. Damn it. You scan to see if anyone is coming, and go down anyway. You only follow the cracked concrete steps for about one story before you get to a door. You press up against the wall next to it, recalling some friend of yours describing them as vertical coffins. You slowly turn the knob, ease it open and peek through. You see a large and impossibly steep staircase going straight up. You look further into the room, see nobody, and walk in very slowly.
You crane your neck upwards and look at the infinitely distant speck of light that is the top of the staircase. Okay... Maybe the facility is partway inside a mountain? You Know that you saw the sun in the Tiger's pen.
Artificial light, say the goblins. How could it be artificial? It was in the sky! Pigments. Eh? No! Not important right now.
You start lugging yourself up the ladder-like stairway, grimacing at the sting of grip tape mulching your hands. Up, up, up you go, when it will end, nobody knows! You really wish you had some form of entertainment. When you notice a familiar ghostie coming from your bracelet, you immediately regret that wish.
"Oooh, a captive audience!" he says.

"If I weren't at a risk of falling to my death right now, I'd stab you," you say belligerently.

He just laughs for a while. "Oh you short-lived species. Always so quick tempered. Ah, I remember when you humans were our allies against the arrogance of the Elves and the brutality of the Goblins. We were pretty happy back then, paying our respects to the old gods and truly free. We did things because we wanted to, lived in peace with each other, made friends, felt love."

"Don't care, don't care, don't care."

He ignores you. "I myself had the most beautiful wife in all of the dwarven kingdoms. She was awe inspiring and regal, even though no royal blood was in her veins. And in bed -"

"AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!! NO! Absolutely NOT. Shut the FUCK up or I WILL stab you!" You summon Fortresssparks in its knife form to your mouth and make a growling sound.

He just drifts out of range and speaks louder. "She and I had two daughters, Doren and Enur. Doren loved fighting, and became the general of our nation's armies at age 53. An early starter, she was. Enur though, she became the wife of the reigning king. A nice boy named Bomrek I do believe. He inherited the throne at age 16 when his mother the queen died during a goblin assault on our castle..."
He continues on rambling about his family history for hours, but eventually you get to a platform, instruct Fortresssparks to stand watch, and fall asleep.

[Argonnek]

You jump up, but are surrounded by some sort of large, fuzzy mass that flows all around you. It cascades off to your left like water in a stream. It moves around you, giving you a wide berth. You look to your right, but see only furry movement all the way to the horizon. Looking to your left, you see that they aren't just swarming over the land, they're swimming across a large sea into the sunset.
You look closer and realize that they're gerbils! Millions and millions of gerbils! You start to walk toward their source, but they don't let you pass. You can't move without stomping one of them to death. You aren't sure, but it seems like a really bad idea to do that, though that hasn't stopped you before.
You leap over the flow, landing on the ground as they make room for you. You look down disappointed. Oh well.

[quip]

Say to the open air "Great, I'm in a dream, right, anyone want to explain what the gerbils represent?"

[AntiAntiMatter]

Get to the source of the gerbils using flight. Failing that, go check up on the goblins.