This story is mostly true, with a few creative liberties. Obviously, Daaaugh didn't actually stand on the walls and have a chat with Bosa, but almost everything else happened.
He's not the most insanely badass dwarf ever born... but he's the closest I've ever gotten.
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Let me tell you all a story. A story about a fortress, and in particular one dwarf.
In the year 201 the king Zulban Kolzefon of the Dwarven civilization Velmorul, on its last legs after years of war against goblins and elves, chose to establish a new outpost, for whatever reasons- It was named Baldpainted, Roderlogem, and in accordance with tradition seven dwarves were sent. One of them, unbeknownst to himself or others, had a life of trial and warfare ahead.
His birth name was Zon Mezbuthfoker, but upon arriving took up his duties as a hunter with such enthusiasm that he earned the nickname 'Daaaugh!'. Zon, not content to stop at simply enough food to supply the fortress, instead went on a grand hunt. Within a few days he ran out of arrows, and so decided to kill everything that remained- Mountain goats, Rhesus Macaques and wolves- with nothing but his oaken crossbow. He never got a scratch.
As time went on, he became the leader of Baldpainted's small militia, training the first three marksdwarves of its army- Useless, Runningdwarf and Sdrawkcab, two recruits and a skilled trainer. Together, they spent time sparring and shooting at the ranges, not believing anything could happen to such a small, sleepy village. Baldpainted grew larger, erecting a ten story tall tower filled with archer slits to show their strength over their moat.
Then, disaster. A group of goblins, armed to the teeth more than necessary for such a small village, led by one Bosa Xosnostrodno, an elite bowman. The little militia prepared for battle, the bridge level mechanisms having been completed too late to help. The ambush struck them by the brook, a Sdrawkcab reacted first, ordering his two recruits to flee while he held them off. He was brought down by two wrestlers, but he shot a swordsman to death before going down.
Runningdwarf turned back to the carnage, horrified, and began to fire on the charging enemies. Bosa shot her in the head, killing her instantly, and the two wrestlers charged towards her corpse, laughing at the carnage. Then came Useless, the prodigal weakling, crying at the death of his best friend and firing on them without mercy. Both wrestlers began to flee, turned into a pincusion by the enraged recruit. Bosa killed him as well, shooting him through the legs before casually finishing him off in the back.
By this point, only a spearman, an axeman, the two wounded wrestlers and Bosa himself remained. Zon had been rushing from the tower, cursing the designers for making the path lead back to the fortress before going outside.
He found his three recruits dead on the ground, facing five goblins of various strength. His wife, Fires, was known to remark that he had them outnumbered.
Daaaugh! first shot the axeman, breaking his hand, before firing rapidly into the ambush. When he ran out of ammo, he simply threw away his (Donkey Leather Quiver) and charged, smashing goblins left and right, killing both the axeman and the spearman without damage. Bosa fired at him twice before leaving, realizing that it was foolish to remain. Daaaugh!, his vengeance unsated, chased down the two wrestlers and crushed their skulls, leaving their broken bodies on the mudstone ground.
This was only their first meeting. Twice more did Bosa Xosnostrodno attack Baldpainted- The second time shooting Daaaugh in the hand and leaving the fortress in the hand of his new second, Crowpost the cold sniper, while the injury healed. Several sieges followed, with each one finding it harder and harder to even cause a casualty. Many names come from this time- Logem Ikalushat the swordsdwarf who juggled goblin corpses like rubber balls, Nod the marksdwarf whose killcount exceeded Daaaugh's for a time. He had many children, all of whom shared his strength and their mother's determination.
Then came the third and final meeting of Daaaugh and Bosa, on a chilly winter's morn in early Obsidian, an ominous month to be sure. He came with an army this time, a whole siege- Dozens of wrestlers, swordsmen and axemen, with a bodyguard of three crossbowmen. They marched to the front entrance- Now a massive stone wall and gatehouse enclosing nearly the entire countryside, and called out his nemesis.
First emerged not his nemesis but Nod, with a squad of marksdwarves. Bosa laughed and ordered his men to fire, their skilled hands quickly sending the green marksdwarves into retreat.
Jeering, the goblins chanted to their dark gods, mocking the fortress's cowardice. Bosa called out again, wondering where his old foe could be hiding. But again, no Zon emerged, but Crowpost stepped out, her squad of rangers in tow. This time, Bosa had to fight for it, a long hard battle that nevertheless ended with Crowpost being forced to drag herself off the field.
Now the goblins had worked themselves into a frenzy, swarming around the raised gate in glee. "Come out, Daaaugh!" they called, "or are you simply a tinny hiss?"
Then, finally, did Daaugh himself appear on the walls, wearing his artifact platinum chainmail leggings and artifact iron breastplate. He carried with him the same oaken crossbow, still stained with the blood of goblins, goats and all things. He stood their in silence, fitting an arrow to his bow.
"So, you show yourself!" the goblin called out that day, ready to have one final battle. He began to order his men to fire, when Daaaugh shook his head.
"Didn't you notice, foul one?"
The goblins stared upwards in confusion.
"Not a single dwarf you shot today died. They all were taken to safety by their comrades."
Bosa glared, his pride injured. He opened his mouth to speak, when a great roaring sound rose on the wind, the sound of over forty voices yelling a single word, drowning out the crash of the drawbridge opening to reveal Baldpainted's hidden army.
They screamed, "DAAAUGH!"
Daaaugh fired only one bolt that day, a single bolt guided by Armok himself. That bolt embedded itself in Bosa's brain, but not slaying him- He fell on the field, unconcious and ignored, as around him Baldpainted's ironcald army swarmed and slaughtered, losing not a dwarf. Then, and only then, did Daaugh walk down, limping slightly from his many wounds, and bring down his bow- once, twice, and again- down on Bosa's spine, shattering it, before swinging a mighty blow and propelling the goblin to smash into the river to drown a humiliating death.
Then, tired, Daaaugh returned to the fortress, his old bones tired, to work again what job he'd taken up- Training those who would come after him, training them to hold their shields high with a prayer to Armok on their lips, to not only win but to survive.
He owed the dead that much.
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Topic: Daaaugh! - The Story of Zon Mezbuthfoker (Read 647 times)