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[ed boy]

The name's Blond. Jim Blond.

You are Jimmy Blond, England's finest secret agent! Countless times, you have single-handedly saved the country from grave misfortune. Indeed, the only things which surpass your secret agenting skills are your skills at bedding women and your mastery of pun-slinging.

It is a fine day in April, when you recieve your latest assignment. It seems that Mark Hodges, a high-ranking former member of british security has gone missing! He retired a couple of years ago, and lives (or lived) in a secluded house in the middle of yorkshire. Due to his former position and access to a lot of sensitive information, this is looking to be a very serious situation!

With your task ahead of you, you head to the armoury to pick up some equipment.

On the way, you start going over the briefing in the four different languages that you are fluent in (five if you count english). What are they?

As you arrive, you pick up your iconic instrument/weapon. Pick one.

Spoiler: Instrument/Weapons (click to show/hide)

-Bagpipes/Flamethrower
-Bassoon/Rifle
-Trombone/Shotgun

Once that is done, you pick up your standard issue handgun and your seconday weapon, more easily concealed. Pick one.

Spoiler: seconday weapons (click to show/hide)

-Umbrella/knife
-Book/gun
-Necklace/Noose

You stash these in your secret agent car. Pick one.

Spoiler: cars (click to show/hide)

-submersible mini
-flying mini
-colour-changing mini

Returning to the armoury, you pick up your eyewear. Pick one.

Spoiler: eyewear (click to show/hide)

-Heat-vision sunglasses
-X-ray monocle
-Zoomable contact lenses

Next is your seemingly innocuous object that nobody suspects is a weapon. These things have saved your hide in a shocking turn of events more times than you can count. Pick one.

Spoiler: secret weapon (click to show/hide)

-Knockout gas pen
-Cigar gun + lighter (Good only for one shot)
-Exploding ring

Now is the standard issue watch. Pick one.

Spoiler: watches (click to show/hide)

-Camera watch
-Laser watch
-Circular saw watch

Finally, your pick up your checkov's gun. Good lord, you can't imagine how any of these things could be useful. Pick one.

Spoiler: Checkov's guns (click to show/hide)

-Fake flower that can squirt water
-Slide whistle
-Whoopee cushion

[Krath]

Languages: English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Chinese.
Weapon: Bassoon/Rifle. A Shotgun or Flamethrower isn't for classy gentlemen such as yourself!
Secondary Weapon: Umbrella/Knife.
Submersible Mini.
X-Ray Monocle. Wot wot WOT?
Knockout Gas Pen. How classy.
Circular Saw Watch.  Lasers are for sissies.
Chekov's Gun: Slide Whistle, of course.

[Demonic Spoon]

Languages: English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Chinese.
Weapon: Bagpipes/Flamethrower. A Shotgun or Rifle isn't for classy gentlemen such as yourself!
Secondary Weapon: Umbrella/Knife.
Submersible Mini.
X-Ray Monocle. Wot wot WOT?
Knockout Gas Pen. How classy.
Laser Watch.  Circular Saws are for sissies.
Chekov's Gun: Slide Whistle, of course.

[Krath]

Languages: English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Chinese.
Weapon: Bagpipes/Flamethrower. A Shotgun or Rifle isn't for classy gentlemen such as yourself!
Secondary Weapon: Umbrella/Knife.
Submersible Mini.
X-Ray Monocle. Wot wot WOT?
Knockout Gas Pen. How classy.
Laser Watch.  Circular Saws are for sissies.
Chekov's Gun: Slide Whistle, of course.

Yooooooooooouuuuuuu.

[Demantiae]

Languages: Russian, Chinese, Arabic, Spanish
Iconic Instrument/Weapon: Bagpipes and Flamethrower of course! That way you can roast the hogmanay in style! (see - first pun!)
Secondary Weapon: Umbrella/Knife (gotta be prepared for rain, afterall we are British!)
Car: Submersible Mini (so you can shout "What's sub suckers!" as you emerge from the water to get that bad guy!
Eye Wear: X-Ray Monacle (gentlemen always wear monacles with their kilts!)
Secret Weapon: cigar gun and lighter ("come celebrate the New Year with me old chap! Here have a smoke!"
Watch: Camera Watch (not only is it good for spying but it keeps a handy record of all those ladies you have bedded!)
Checkovs Gun: Slide Whistle (stop clowning around, take the whistle!)

[maxicaxi]

Languages: English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Chinese.
Weapon: Bagpipes/Flamethrower. A Shotgun or Rifle isn't for classy gentlemen such as yourself!
Secondary Weapon: Umbrella/Knife.
Submersible Mini.
X-Ray Monocle. Wot wot WOT?
Knockout Gas Pen. How classy.
Circular Saw Watch.  Lasers are for sissies.
Chekov's Gun: Slide Whistle, of course.

[Demonic Spoon]

Languages: English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Chinese.
Weapon: Bagpipes/Flamethrower. A Shotgun or Rifle isn't for classy gentlemen such as yourself!
Secondary Weapon: Umbrella/Knife.
Submersible Mini.
X-Ray Monocle. Wot wot WOT?
Knockout Gas Pen. How classy.
Circular Saw Watch.  Lasers are for sissies.
Chekov's Gun: Slide Whistle, of course.

Yooooooooooouuuuuuu.

[ed boy]

Spoiler: equipment (click to show/hide)

Bagpipes Flamethrower: Perfectly functional bagpipes. Upon activation, flames are emitted from one of the pipes.

Umbrella knife: A perfectly functional umbrella. The shaft can be removed from the shaft to reveal a large knife

A standard issue handgun

Submersible mini: Functions as a mini on land. When underwater, it can propel itself at a fast walking pace, and it has a few hours worth of air supply.

X-ray monocle: A monocle that provides an x-ray image. Its range in the open is about twenty metres, but this decreases if you are trying to see through things.

Knockout pen: It functions as a normal pen, that can be clicked at the end to extend/retract the writing part. If the extending button is twisted, it is primed and the next click will release a cloud of gas that will knock people out for a few minutes.

Circular saw watch: Upon being activated, a miniature circular saw extends a couple of inches from the side of the watch

Slide whistle: You are never found without your beloved slide whistle.

Languages spoken: chinese, english, french, japanese, spanish

You pick up your equipment and head towards the house of mark hodges. The country roads are almost empty.

Spoiler: about the house (click to show/hide)

The house is large and spread over three floors. It is located on the top of a hill, surrounded by a well-kept lawn. The curtains are drawn. The nearby road runs from northeast to southwest and is located to the west of the house. A driveway leads from the road to the house. a couple hundred metres north of the house is a patch of woodland.

As you approach, you see an unmarked white van leaving the driveway. Do you:
Follow the van
Enter the house
Do something else

[Demonic Spoon]

>.>

<.<

Burn down the house.

Note down the numberplate of the van then enter the house. Call the police and tell them to detain that van, using our secret agent authority.

[ed boy]

You note down the registration number and location of the van, and send it to the ministry, with instructions for immediate detainment.

You drive the mini up the driveway, park it and get out. Using your monocle, you can see that the door is unlocked. You can also make out moving figures in two of the ground floor rooms and one on the second floor.

Spoiler: equipment (click to show/hide)

Mobile Phone
Bagpipes Flamethrower: Perfectly functional bagpipes. Upon activation, flames are emitted from one of the pipes.
Umbrella knife: A perfectly functional umbrella. The shaft can be removed from the shaft to reveal a large knife
A standard issue handgun
Submersible mini: Functions as a mini on land. When underwater, it can propel itself at a fast walking pace, and it has a few hours worth of air supply.
X-ray monocle: A monocle that provides an x-ray image. Its range in the open is about twenty metres, but this decreases if you are trying to see through things.
Knockout pen: It functions as a normal pen, that can be clicked at the end to extend/retract the writing part. If the extending button is twisted, it is primed and the next click will release a cloud of gas that will knock people out for a few minutes.
Circular saw watch: Upon being activated, a miniature circular saw extends a couple of inches from the side of the watch
Slide whistle: You are never found without your beloved slide whistle.
Languages spoken: chinese, english, french, japanese, spanish

[maxicaxi]

Use watch to open door

[Kashyyk]

It's unlocked, so don't do that.

Draw handgun and stealthily enter the house.

[Ricky]

>use your fancy monocle while you're at it

[Armok]

> Remember mission statement.

[Demonic Spoon]

It is a fine day in April, when you recieve your latest assignment. It seems that Mark Hodges, a high-ranking former member of british security has gone missing! He retired a couple of years ago, and lives (or lived) in a secluded house in the middle of yorkshire. Due to his former position and access to a lot of sensitive information, this is looking to be a very serious situation!

Mission Statement: Rescue Mark Hodges.