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[TolyK]

675. When you go to a restaurant you're kicked out for trying to drink from a barrel in their "booze pile"

[vadia]

676 You pay for nothing; the economy is broken

[martinuzz]

677) When your boss' mandates have not been met, you dress up in full metal armor, in case you are sentenced to a beating
678) When you are arrested, you ask the police officer if they have a prepared food stockpile and a booze stockpile surrounding your chain
679) When you are in jail, you throw a tantrum for not being allowed to play DF
670) When you are in isolation ward, you frantically try to seal the ventilation shaft, before they pull the lever

[TolyK]

(good ones!)
671 -

If you don't have 9,001 Cat Bone Bolts, then your fort isn't working properly!

[Urist Imiknorris]

682: You have encountered a Forgotten Beast alligator that just won't die.

[TolyK]

683: You have encountered a Forgotten Beast made of ferro-fiberous (a modded-in material) that just won't die.

[Gatleos]

684: You don't plan on having proper burials for any of your family members in the hopes of raising a ghostly defense force for your house.

[FaultyLogic]

685: You haven't slept in a proper bed for five years but that's alright because your dining room is 200 square meters large.

[quip]

685: You haven't slept in a proper bed for five years but that's alright because your dining room is 200 square meters large.

686: And all the chairs and tables in it have thier own special names, you call them artifacts.

[vadia]

687-9 you have a bedroomroom so tiny that it can barely fit your bed which is made of spikes and diamonds -- you have the best bedroom evaaar. (change variables for dining room and crypt)

[Gatleos]

690. You think there are four ores of iron, and one of them moves.

[quip]

690. You think there are four ores of iron, and one of them moves.

691: You try to prove this by booby-trapping the only enterance to your house and waiting for the ore to walk in.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

692: You attempt to sell chairs to anyone who comes to the door
693: When they refuse to buy them you kill them, reasoning that if they aren't a trader they must be invading

[iceball3]

692: You attempt to sell chairs to anyone who comes to the door
623: When they refuse to buy them you kill them, reasoning that if they aren't a trader they must be invading

624: Or an elf who won't accept wood.

[TolyK]

692: You attempt to sell chairs to anyone who comes to the door
693: When they refuse to buy them you kill them, reasoning that if they aren't a trader they must be invading

694: Or an elf who won't accept wood.

695: ... who you drowse in magma in between the two gates to your house.

((fix'd the numbers for you. please fix them in your own posts as well))