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Troll on Fire is the best meme ever.

Troll on Fire is terrible, FORE is much better.

I'm still waiting for my dragons!

[KaguroDraven]

Poke the elf with a potato to wake it up.

[quip]

Continue to attack the guard!

[SeriousConcentrate]

I lean on the stomping foot to make sure I have his attention, remind him how accurately I can throw this hammer, and demand he tell us where the treasure is. If he tries to lie or say he doesn't know, smash him in the chest.

[FuzzyZergling]

Tarran:
Following your finely-honed instincts, you rush towards the source of the thud!
As you turn a corner, you find a goblin! It is sitting across from Hamal, who looks injured!
MetalSlimeHunt:
The cook is [1-1] unbelievably terrified by the broken elf before him, and spills his guts (in the telling-you-everything way, not the sword-to-the-stomach way)!
[6-1] He tells you that you are in the north-eastern kitchen, and that most important things are deeper underground. He says the only way underground that he knows of is the central elevator, which is south of here.
He also babbles about elite guards, demons, and some other things, but he is silenced by Gottric, who demands to know about treasure.
HighEndNoob:
You dream of goblins. [5] You are having a tea party, and everything is okay and you are not in pain or anything. The goblins are wearing pink, frilly hats.
Krath:
You grab the spear, and with a toss [4-1] send it into the goblin's chest! [2+1] It goes fairly deep, but not enough to kill it!
Guard 2 is in pain, slight blood loss.
KaguroDraven:
This is no time to sleep, silly elf!
Grabbing a potato off the floor, you nudge Kilikan [2] softly.
Your gentle drubbings are successful, and she wakes!
quip:
Attacking again, you [4-1] [4-1] hit the guard with your halberd, but his armor takes the brunt of the strike, and he is only bruised!
SeriousConcentrate:
You don't care about elevators or demons, you want treasure!
[6] The threat of more violence persuades the man to break down into hysterics, but you glean from his ranblings that there are some really nice things underground. Suddenly, you care more about elevators.
Cook is terrified, -3 to all rolls.
kilakan:
You dream of horrible potatos, and giant kobolds with huge potato-sack backpacks.
[5+2-3] You slowly drift back to consciousness, and find Rikishak standing over you.
Kilikan is awake.

The goblin feels relieved when his opponent passes out, and takes a moment to catch his breath.
[6] He soon feels good enough to remove the bolt from his chest, which helps him breath better.
Suddenly, a human darts around the corner, ready to attack!
Goblin 2 is no longer winded.

The guard gives a mighty tug to the spear, [3] pulling it out, but tearing the entry wound!
He attacks Gump, [5] landing a blow to her [4-1] armored left flank, bruising it under the armor!

Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)

Kaguro/Riki has no modifiers.
Tarran has no modifiers.
Serious/Gottric has -1 to hit (lost eye), -1 to attack (broken hand).
Krath/Urist has -1 to dodge (broken leg), no weapon or armor. In pain.
kilikan/Kilikan has -2 to all actions (severe wounds). No proper weapon. In extreme pain (two turns).
HEN/Hamal has -1 to shield use (battle wound), -2 to hit (blood loss), and is in extreme pain. No armor. Unconscious.
MSH has no armor.
quip/Gump has minor blood loss.

Goblin 2 is in pain.

Cook has no weapon or armor. Slight pain, slight nausea. Terrified (-3).

Guard 2 is in pain, slight blood loss.

Sorry for the wait, I was stupid and forgot that kilakan didn't need to post because Kilakan was asleep. >_<

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Look for the elevator.

[quip]

More goblin on guard violence!

[Tarran]

Scream a battle cry and smash the goblin's pelvic bone with my hammer.

[HighEndNoob]

Continue to be Unconscious.

[SeriousConcentrate]

I demand we sally forth and recover that treasure for our own personal glory. I'll leave the cook up to everyone else.

[Megaman]

*rushes in* MEDICAL OVERSIGHT! If you were to remove a bolt from your chest the way the goblin did his bleeding would have intensified greatly.

[Tarran]

*rushes in* MEDICAL OVERSIGHT! If you were to remove a bolt from your chest the way the goblin did his bleeding would have intensified greatly.

QFT. The bold blocks the blood from leaving the body or going into organs somewhat. If you remove the bolt, there would would there be nothing to block the blood from leaving the body or going into organs.

[KaguroDraven]

Continue pokeing the thin disgusting thing with a potato.

[Krath]

Beat the living crap out of the guard with my bare fists.

[kilakan]

Attempt to Shield my conciousness again,

[FuzzyZergling]

MetalSlimeHunt:
Interested in this elevator business, you head south (along with Gottric), back down to the dwarven dining/weapon rack room, then east.
You happen upon Urist, in rags for some reason, fighting with a pair of goblins!
quip:
Striking again, you [4-1] aim for the guard's [6-1] head, but he flinches away, and you only tear the cheek!
[4] The goblin bears the pain, and [5] counterstrikes with a stab to your [5-1-1] stomach, piercing the armor and tearing the skin!
Gump is in minor pain.
Tarran:
With a terrifying warcry (FORE!) you swing at the goblin!
[4+1] Your iron hammer [4+2] crumples the weak copper armor of the goblin, breaking its pelvis!
The goblin falls over, [1] and dies!
Goblin 2 has died.
HighEndNoob:
You dream.
[5] You are in glorious battle, astride a great dragon mount, and your enemies are driven before you.
It's pretty sweet.
[4] You drift in and out of consciousness, and think you hear a round of golf being played.
Hamal's pain has lessened.
SeriousConcentrate:
Treasure? Treasure! Following Metal (to the treasure!) southeast, you are lost in thought (about treasure!) until he stops suddenly.
Ahead of you are two goblins, and Urist!
KaguroDraven:
You tease the elf about her potatophobia.
She breaks out in a cold sweat, spasms once or twice, and passes out on the floor.
That may have been a little uncalled for.
Rikishak feels guilty, -1 to next roll.
Krath:
You attack the guard with your bare hands!
[6+1-2] Your punch hits him square in the jaw, breaking it!
[5-3] He finally gives in to the pain!
Guard 2 is in extreme pain, unconscious.
kilakan:
You again attempt to block out the pain with sheer force of will.
[3-2] OH THE PAIN! You collapse again, and it is quite possible that you broke part of your mind.
Kilakan is unconscious, in Mind-Filtered Pain.

[3-3] The cook's frantic attempts to sneak through the back door are thwarted by the thorough covering of potatos. Damn you, tiny brown vegetable!

Spoiler: Temporary Modifiers, Notes (click to show/hide)

Kaguro/Riki has -1 to next roll.
Tarran has no modifiers.
Serious/Gottric has no modifiers.
Krath/Urist has no weapon or armor. In pain.
kilikan/Kilikan has -2 to all actions (severe wounds). No proper weapon. In Mind-Filtered Pain (-3 to all actions)(three turns).
HEN/Hamal has -1 to shield use (battle wound), -2 to hit (blood loss), and is in pain. No armor. Unconscious.
MSH has no armor.
quip/Gump has minor blood loss, is in minor pain.

Cook has no weapon or armor. Slight pain, slight nausea. Terrified (-3).

Guard 2 is in extreme pain, slight blood loss. Unconscious.

Yes, Kilakan is in so much pain I had to make up a name for it.
Good job, you are hero.