Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Kamamura]

Dwarvinism is a totally new, but rapidly spreading philosophical school (it's number of adherents grew from 0 to 1 in just a few seconds ago!)

It's main purpose is to explain all the yet remaining mysteries of our world using overcomplicated references to DF, leaps of drunken logic and stumbling in directions no one has ever stumbled before.

And let's start right away!

What do we associate dwarves with? Fire, industry, clanging of metals, complex mechanical contraptions, explosions, metal-crafting (stench, unwashed beards and booze aside for the moment). What interconnects these elements in our world?

Petroleum! Petroleum is the dwarfiest substance on Earth - it powers cars, trains, factories, it burns and explodes, it stinks (!) and we use it for everything. How did such a dwarfy substance happen to get to our world? There are no historically recorded contacts with dwarfs (Niebelungs aside, but they were invented by that drunken Nazi Wagner while composing his nerve-wrenching music. Drunken.... hm, interesting, could this be a coincidence? Must note that down...), and physically smaller nations obviously cannot be counted, as they lack beards, axes, booze, proper stench and mining skills. The answer is astonishingly simple:

Hypothesis: Petroleum was created eons ago from dwarves who fell into magma!

Proof (two methods):

1) direct - its obvious!

2) reductio ad absurdum - It could not have been otherwise!

So it's the pure essence of Dwarfiness that powers our civilization! And by playing DF, we are discovering (or, maybe, what a scary thought - rewriting) our very own history! This is the stuff Hollywood should be making movies about, and not about some craze blue elfo-smurfs hiding in a jungle, spreading eco-propaganda!

Everything suddenly fits into the Bigger picture - cavemen, all those stone, copper and bronze axes, pyramid engravings, stonehendge... by Odin's beard, I am so excited, I must get something to drink right away! (Hm.... drink, interesting, must note that down).

[Kogan Loloklam]

by Odin's beard,

...

[USEC_OFFICER]

by Odin's beard,

HERITIC! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

[vhappylurker]

Armok has many names...

8D}

[UnrealJake]

What about cats? Does that make coal?

They both begin with C after all, and Kittens begin with K and that's... that's nothing like C but I always think of C and K together. Not sure why.

[rhinelander]

Coal is "kohle" in german, ergo german coal is made of kittens.

[Raging Mouse]

I have a counter-theory, based on the idea that dwarves are mirrors of their creators.

Ergo, the creators of the world are short-tempered and drunk.

I call this the Impatient Drunks -theory (There have been alternative labelling suggestions, including Inebriated D#Īking (around) -theory, but I prefer the label that describes the subjects rather than said subjects' actions).

Isn't this even more obvious and inevitable than the dwarvinism theory?

[darkrider2]

They've been trying to make petroleum out of algae, I propose the elves be destroyed.

[cerapa]

They've been trying to make petroleum out of algae, I propose the elves be destroyed.

What are you talking about?

If you can make petroleum out of algae, then algae is obviously made from dwarves. This is further compunded by the fact that some algae use spores for reproduction, like dwarves.

[Max White]

But that means...

OH GOD! Algore is doing a press conferance today about the dangers of global walming, and demands we stop drilling for patrolium, HES AL ELF! Those reporters will be struck down with wooden swords and eaten by he's crafty elfish ambush!

[NotPete]

If Algore is an elf, then we should do the opposite of what he says for the sole purpose of spiting him!
That means we need to burn patrolium...and if patrolium is made of dwarves, then through the transitive property of shutthehellup: WE MUST BURN ALL DWARVES!

[Max White]

If Algore is an elf, then we should do the opposite of what he says for the sole purpose of spiting him!
That means we need to burn patrolium...and if patrolium is made of dwarves, then through the transitive property of shutthehellup: WE MUST BURN ALL DWARVES!

As it is written, let it be!
Somebody call BP, tell them to pull the lever. The entire world this time, not just one coast.

[Roflcopter5000]

I enjoy the use of Algore as a single word. It makes him seem more Elfy.

[Max White]

Algore is a single entity that is composed of pure elfiness, that tries to take the form of a human, in order to trick man kind into thinking he is an environmentalist. He calls himself 'Al Gore' as a facade.

[UnrealJake]

I could never beleive any one whos second name is Gore...