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[Eric Blank]

Sometimes the best thing is to remind yourself that you didn't get hurt, you were afraid in the moment yes, but its.passed, and you're still okay. I know it's tough to be positive about it after the fact, but that alone can relieve the anxiety. After that kid crashed his car outside my house and I didn't know if he was going to be okay and couldn't find the girlfriend he was talking about, I thought about it every day for weeks, how I would respond better next time, the lessons I learned watching my parents deal with the situation, how I should not try to run down hill in pitch darkness carrying a bulky blanket and I could have broken my neck when I fell, all the anxiety... but the best thing to think about is you didn't get hurt, you're alive, they're alive, the situation ended as amicably as it could, and you can move on.

And talk to your councilor/therapist about it, get their advice for dealing with the anxiety

[Vector]

I'm trying to remind myself that I'm OK. I'm not really thinking about it, my body is staging a full-blown revolt all by itself without much input from me. I'm less anxious and more angry/depressed/terrified. The terrified part mostly comes into play when I'm trying to sleep. Even while taking something to force myself to relax, I'm waking up over and over again in the middle of the night, shaking and moaning with terror. I tell the cat: "Oh my god! It's horrifying! It's horrible!" and then I fall asleep... and then snap awake again, moaning and thrashing.

What bothers me in this case is less the fear of imminent life-threatening danger and more a member of my queer community throwing me into it (Z is queer, but importantly, she isn't trans). That's the part that's really doing the damage. This event is coming on the heels of many, many instances, extremely common since I came out, of people treating me like ... like I'm already dead and my resources can be seen as their rainy-day/emergency fund. And this is just one more piece of that unbelievable disregard of the fact that I am a living being whose existence has value.

There are going to be events like this, in my life, plenty of them. I've had plenty of these experiences, I'll have more ... and now I need to learn how to keep myself safe. Despite everything. Despite knowing that some people, when they find out that I am trans, will gladly take everything I have: and they won't feel bad about it for an instant.


I'm talking to my therapist and a friend who experienced a similar event and both of them have been like: "this is going to seriously suck for a while, this is the best that you can expect to do right now, you're doing an amazing job of keeping your head above water." My friend rush-mailed me his spare weighted blanket.

I'm very very grateful that summer is here because my workload is going to drop precipitously and I can reallocate time and resources to get other help, like getting a swimming pass at a local park.


Regarding the final exams, I was actually taking three courses this quarter and auditing two which were leftovers from Spring 2021. I'm getting help to retroactively withdraw from last year's quarter which would mean I don't have to take any exams whatsoever and I'm effectively done with school as of yesterday. So it should be a moot point

[ChairmanPoo]

I sympathize. I'm under a lot of pressure myself due to lack of respurces and unreasonable demands. I actually took a week sick last week. Probably wasnt enough.

[voliol]

Got beaten up by nazis today. Granted, I did slap one of them and failed to realize that by stopping my bike to do so also meant I lacked the velocity to bike away, so my stupidity is partially to blame. Gotta dye my hair now or something because this happened relatively close to my home, meaning they live around here too. Physical I'm mostly fine, no broken bones or so.
Initially I thought about putting this in the WTF thread because I feel emotionally a little numb, but no, this is the right thread.

(here's to hoping those nazis don't egosurf their acts of violence to see how the victims react)

[Vector]

Damn. Thank you for your service,

[martinuzz]

Got beaten up by nazis today. Granted, I did slap one of them and failed to realize that by stopping my bike to do so also meant I lacked the velocity to bike away, so my stupidity is partially to blame. Gotta dye my hair now or something because this happened relatively close to my home, meaning they live around here too. Physical I'm mostly fine, no broken bones or so.
Initially I thought about putting this in the WTF thread because I feel emotionally a little numb, but no, this is the right thread.

(here's to hoping those nazis don't egosurf their acts of violence to see how the victims react)

You should report it to the police.
And carry pepperspray. The best nazi is a dead nazi, but a blind one will do too.

[Il Palazzo]

'Officer, I started a fight and got beat up as a result.'

[voliol]

Damn. Thank you for your service,

Thanks, part of me feels that way, though I am also aware I got away with some luck; even though it was outside there weren't any direct witnesses, and my bike helmet had a big chunk blown out of it. I advise anyone to not do it alone. Like really, don't.

Got beaten up by nazis today. Granted, I did slap one of them and failed to realize that by stopping my bike to do so also meant I lacked the velocity to bike away, so my stupidity is partially to blame. Gotta dye my hair now or something because this happened relatively close to my home, meaning they live around here too. Physical I'm mostly fine, no broken bones or so.
Initially I thought about putting this in the WTF thread because I feel emotionally a little numb, but no, this is the right thread.

(here's to hoping those nazis don't egosurf their acts of violence to see how the victims react)

You should report it to the police.
And carry pepperspray. The best nazi is a dead nazi, but a blind one will do too.

I contacted the police as soon as I got away, hiding in some greenery so they wouldn't see me. The police arrived after some 10 minutes at which the nazis had left, and were mostly sympathetic with me. The police here luckily aren't nazis themselves. They were apparently aware of the nazis standing there waving their flags, and could see my scrapes and bruises and crying, so they seemed to believe my story. Whether the report will go somewhere is up in the air though, I don't remember their faces and there are more than 3 nazis in their nazi club. The police are also understaffed, I discovered a bump at the back of my head (luckily the only one, and I don't think I have a concussion, the police came with some medics who checked up on me then and didn't think so) when I got home, and their telephone queue for adding to a report told me to wait more than two hours, before shutting up on me after two.

I've considered self defence measures, but not only is pepper spray illegal/hard to come by; I'd also not like to be as close as needed to use it, or harass the same nazis a second time.

'Officer, I started a fight and got beat up as a result.'

Aye, it's pretty stupid of me, though proportionality laws regarding violence/self protection mostly apply here so it can be filed as assault. (in Sweden, in case anyone isn't aware)

[brewer bob]

Hope you're doing ok.

Nazis in Sweden can be pretty hardcore. Any idea if they were part of some group, like SMR*? I'm really not aware what's the current situation there and what groups are around these days. Haven't really been following what's happening with Swedish nazis for the last 5+ years.

Also, I'm glad you did something when seeing nazis around (even though the results were not so nice for you), instead of just looking the other direction.

* I guess they call themselves NMR (Nordic Resistance Movement) nowadays.

[None]

I went to my local flea market the other day; all the booths that had fidget spinners during their heyday are all selling knives instead (there were like eight knife booths) and there were like four too many MAGA cult icon booths for a small flea market (plus an NRA booth), usually next to the maga booths.

It was really cool seeing a large pocket knife with some bible verse laser-etched into the blade sitting next to some trump 2024 hats. And by really cool, I mean fuck this rot.

[martinuzz]

'Officer, I started a fight and got beat up as a result.'

Oh I missed the part where violol started the fight. Yeah, proud of you for taking action against openly carrying nazi flags, but the better action would have been to loudly tell them to piss off with their nazi flags instead of slapping them first.

[brewer bob]

the better action would have been to loudly tell them to piss off with their nazi flags instead of slapping them first.

Well, some years ago a young guy in Helsinki got killed by NMR nazis for telling them to piss off and spitting on the ground in front of them. This happened in broad daylight and right next to the central railway station.

So, always be careful when confronting nazis alone.

[voliol]

Hope you're doing ok.

Nazis in Sweden can be pretty hardcore. Any idea if they were part of some group, like SMR*? I'm really not aware what's the current situation there and what groups are around these days. Haven't really been following what's happening with Swedish nazis for the last 5+ years.

Also, I'm glad you did something when seeing nazis around (even though the results were not so nice for you), instead of just looking the other direction.

* I guess they call themselves NMR (Nordic Resistance Movement) nowadays.

Indeed it was the NMR, it was their flags they were waving around.

I have no idea how they think of me now, as some random person they're happy they got to beat up, or if they're looking up more info. They did steal my ipad in the process (it was in a bag on the rack of the bike, the bike itself is fine though) which shouldn't give too much information when locked, but has my name+some contacts when unlocked. Adresses are public info in Sweden, so if they know my name they also know where I live, it isn't one shared by a bazillion people like "Anna Andersson". In either case it's not a risk I can take, even if they let me go then, by giving me the options of being thrown down onto a trafficked road, or getting the hell out. I got the hell out. So now I'm being cautious, I'm not going out alone and will do something to change my appearance.

[brewer bob]

Stay safe!

I fucking hate the NMR (and other Nazis too).

[voliol]

Thanks me too.