Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[SalmonGod]

While unfortunate for your friend, I don't really like when that sort of thing is phrased as "stealing"... it implies a lack of agency on the part of your wife in the matter.  She also made the choice to be with you instead of him.  At least I'd hope so.  And once we acknowledge that she made that choice, it further implies that she should have stayed in a relationship she didn't want to protect his feelings.

[Hanslanda]

While unfortunate for your friend, I don't really like when that sort of thing is phrased as "stealing"... it implies a lack of agency on the part of your wife in the matter.  She also made the choice to be with you instead of him.  At least I'd hope so.  And once we acknowledge that she made that choice, it further implies that she should have stayed in a relationship she didn't want to protect his feelings.

Yeah, stealing isn't the right word, she had a choice. It was poor phrasing on my part.

[LordBaal]

Aww that mean you didn't rode  into town dressed all black sporting a jet black mustache and goatee, kidnapped her and rode away to a shotgun wedding so you get to own the gold mine from his father?

[Eric Blank]

I have been given new medication, and the list of side effects bugs me. Theres all the usual heart failure, coma or death and gastrointesinal distress side effects, then theres "anorgasmia" "impotency" "inability to orgasm" and "decreased sex drive" alongside inability/discomfort urinating. I mean its not like ill ever get laid anyway and i could do without constantly being jealous and wanting the sort of relationships everyone else has because thats just depressing to think about, but what if some of its permanent? The drug information doesnt go in depth about which side effects could be long term as far as i can tell. Like i still had hoped to have kids, someday, admittedly that seems less and less likely to happen as time goes on. Damn psych meds fucking with literally everything apparently. All i want is to go a few days without totally breaking down.

[Kagus]

There are plenty of antidepressants with those side effects listed. It's also a known problem that they're trying to work with, as stuff like impotence can be a pretty big downer in and of itself.

However, the severity generally isn't that bad. The anorgasmia can be kind of a bitch, but it's generally still possible to climax (it just takes a lot of work). It's also, y'know, a symptom of depression anyways. As a bonus, you last, like, a really long time in bed. Which is appreciated, at least in some circles.

As for impotency, that's honestly not so bad to have on the list of side effects, since if anything does deflate your balloon, you have an explicit and direct cause that you can blame for everything, which is nice. Again, it's usually not complete and total nullifying of wienerforce, it just makes it a little harder to be harder sometimes.

Really though, all those plumbing-related symptoms get better with being confident and comfortable with yourself, and the pills help get you to that point. It's a long, hard road getting there though, so sometimes it isn't very, uh, long and hard.

And no, everything I've heard points to the side effects going away after you're finished with the meds. Sometimes they even go away during the treatment, which happened for me.

If you still end up losing sleep over it, you can bring it up with your doc and discuss alternatives.

[Hanslanda]

However, the severity generally isn't that bad. The anorgasmia can be kind of a bitch, but it's generally still possible to climax (it just takes a lot of work). It's also, y'know, a symptom of depression anyways. As a bonus, you last, like, a really long time in bed. Which is appreciated, at least in some circles.

As for impotency, that's honestly not so bad to have on the list of side effects, since if anything does deflate your balloon, you have an explicit and direct cause that you can blame for everything, which is nice. Again, it's usually not complete and total nullifying of wienerforce, it just makes it a little harder to be harder sometimes.

First, why the fuck did no on ever tell me this? It's been a problem in my life for nearly a decade.

Second, Kagus is right. Anorgasmia just makes it take forever or require significant effort. And at least for me, keeping it up was never the issue, it was muscle fatigue from exertion making me quit.

[hops]

At the risk of annoying some scientists here, I think that the reason depressed is listed as a side effect of antidepressants is because depressed people take them, and legally speaking that means there's a correlation between taking the pills and being depressed.

[scourge728]

I learn so many.... interesting things on the Bay 12 forums

[IcyTea31]

At the risk of annoying some scientists here, I think that the reason depressed is listed as a side effect of antidepressants is because depressed people take them, and legally speaking that means there's a correlation between taking the pills and being depressed.

More likely, this exchange happened in a clinical trial:
Researcher: "So, you've been taking this antidepressant for a two weeks now. How do you feel?
Patient: "Still kinda depressed."
Researcher: scribbles note: patient depressed after taking antidepressant; side effect, ineffective medicine or coincidence? Can't disprove the first, must add a warning.

[MrRoboto75]

Also why risk of suicide is a thing with antidepressants.  The depression gives you the thoughts, and the pills can give you the energy and motivation to actually carry it out.

[SalmonGod]

https://wokesloth.com/nicole-group-email/jessi/?utm_content=buffer27fb8&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=thegoodlordabove&utm_campaign=bloomjoy

Here's quite the example of what came up a page or two ago...

So this guy met a girl named Nicole at a bar, and they hit it off.  He drove her and her friend home that night.  She accidentally gave him the wrong phone #, because it had recently changed and she didn't have the new one memorized yet.  So he did something daring on the off-chance that it was a mistake, and sent a mass e-mail to everyone named Nicole at the university she was going to.  It said that anyone who isn't the Nicole he met can ignore and if the Nicole he met doesn't want to speak to him that's fine, too, but gave out his phone # in the email in hopes that wasn't the case.

All the Nicoles on the e-mail thread started talking and became a huge network of hundreds of friends who now meet on a regular basis.  The Nicole in question didn't have a university e-mail, and never received the e-mail.  But the Nicole Network found her, and helped them re-connect, only after verifying that she really wanted to.

This was some clickbait article on my Facebook feed.  The only reason I looked at it is because I saw at a glance how heated the comments were.  **Fierce** arguments debating what the guy did. 

Some women saying that this was obsessive behavior, that he was clearly unstable, would turn out to be abusive, and Nicole probably didn't want contact with the guy and only gave in to social pressure.  Some saying they would get the police involved immediately if they were ever the subject of a maneuver like that. 

Other women saying the exact opposite.  That they met the love of their lives in a similar way.  That the details of the story don't indicate anything toxic or high-pressure, and it turned out positive.  That they appreciate a guy expressing clear interest with some courage.

The women who disagree generally just take a condescending tone with each other.  Eye-rolling type stuff.  But every man who comments is ripped apart with accusations of mansplaining and exhibiting toxic masculinity, even when repeating word for word something another woman has already said in the thread.  It's cringe-worthy... and from an outsider's perspective, makes the idea of pursuing a relationship with anyone nowadays look absolutely terrifying.

[Reelya]

I'd argue that overall social media is toxic, brings out the worst, and that (being diplomatic) standards are ridiculous for both genders. Terms like "toxic masculinity" and "mansplaining" have devolved to "you're male and have an opinion" as the complete argument now, which is completely hypocritical, because it's the exact thing that mainsplaining claims to be against, and using the terms in that way just to shut people down is undeniably more toxic than men merely voicing an opinion in an open forum.

BTW if guys don't reply to messages, that's called "ghosting" now and is toxic masculinity at work. If you google "ghosting men/male" you get a ton of articles going in-depth of why men didn't respond to women's messages, as if that's the man's problem to be fixed. Some articles are about how no men reply to one particular woman, so she assumes each and every one is "ghosting" her due to their universally faulty male-ness. Men aren't engaging with women enough now, apparently, so men need to be "fixed" to be more compliant.

 Imagine gender-flipping that and having some guy writing an article about how 10 women didn't call him back, so each and every one of them must all have some female mental problem. I think the "ghosting" anxiety actually comes from the fact that modern dating is much more a two-way thing between men and women who both have career income, rather than the old one-directional "courting" thing from the old days. The idea that if someone hooks up with you they "owe" you a relationship is very out-dated. Back in the day when few women worked, it would be a really crummy act to lead a girl along for sex then just dump her, since she would basically be relying to find a guy to marry and support her. When she's a lawyer? Not so much. She might think that she's just owed a relationship because she "deserves" it, but she'd be wrong. Clearly, the people not calling you back have done a cost/benefit analysis of a possible relationship with you, and they've found that it's not beneficial for them to pursue the relationship. Which is entirely their right. That's what a post-marriage dating free-market gives you. If someone wants to have sex with you, they are not obligated to start a relationship just because one person wants to.

So, if men don't reply to a specific woman, that's toxic masculinity at work, while being over-interested in one person is stalker / toxic masculinity territory, while being "meh" and just choosing to date the next person who comes along rather than make the effort to find that one person you were really into, there's probably a label for that which links it to toxic masculinity as well. That all makes Hugh Grant the biggest stalker in history.

[Loud Whispers]

Back in my day ghosting entailed haunting your enemies through the ethereal plane. Smh kids these days have no respect for tradition

[heydude6]

Snip

Wow. In the corners of the Internet I hang out in, it’s usually guys complaining about women ghosting them. I didn’t think it happened to them as much. If those guys I mentioned earlier heard of this they’d start a bloody civil war

Either way, it’s silly to attribute something both genders do to only one of them. Ghosting sucks no matter who you are and we should all try to treat each other better.

EDIT: So I decided to finally read the article and I think you are slightly overblowing it. The female author is very condescending but never does she mention toxic masculinity. She occasionally talks about men being genetically predisposed to being less organized and she blamed a few things on the Y chromosome, but she isn’t calling a crusade for the death of men like some people I know.

She does seem to be missing some perspective though. For one thing, she doesn’t know about any women who ghost which is quite the massive blind spot. Near the start of the article she says that she could never imagine disrespecting someone like that. There is obviously a generational gap here because the prevailing attitude among my peers is one of extreme individualism. You don’t owe anyone anything so if you don’t want to put in the effort to treat someone with dignity then don’t bother, it’s not your problem that the other person isn’t ready for the real world. I disagree with this of course, but I can’t deny the fact that that’s how most people feel nowadays.

Back to the article though, she seems to be assuming an unrealistically high level of emotional maturity on the part of the person being ghosted. I’m not saying that they’re immature, not at all. It’s just that the author is assuming that most women don’t mind break ups and rejection. It just passes over them like the leaves in the wind. There’s nothing wrong with feeling upset over rejection, heck that’s how most normal people feel when they’re rejected. Either way you don’t deserve to be ghosted, though avoiding the emotional fallout of a rejection is one reason why people ghost (though it still isn’t right).

There’s more I can say but I think I’ve written too much already. You guys are capable of thinking for yourself so I’ll stop now.

[Hanslanda]

Snip

Wow. In the corners of the Internet I hang out in, it’s usually guys complaining about women ghosting them. I didn’t think it happened to them as much. If those guys I mentioned earlier heard of this they’d start a bloody civil war

Either way, it’s silly to attribute something both genders do to only one of them. Ghosting sucks no matter who you are and we should all try to treat each other better.

That would involve not blaming an arbitrary group and taking personal responsibility.

It will never happen.