Oh no. I just took a horrible, awful, seemingly-unending shit, and now the toilet is blocked.
This is one of my worst fears right here... at least it didn't overflow. Yet.
I can't find a plunger. Everyone else is asleep. Stupid digestive system. Oh gods help me.
Edit: Oh thank fuck, the problem is solved.
Before I made this post I'd moved everything away from the base of the toilet and given the, er, blockage a few pokes with a toilet brush. It didn't seem to have any effect, but by the time I went back in the water level had gone down somewhat, so I said my prayers and gave it a good ol' flush. The toilet roared, the water rose, and rose, it rose an abnormal amount; almost touching the rim, I was just about shitting myself despite having already just shat out what felt like at least a few litres, but then to my great relief it went back down again.
With a loud, horrible gurgle, the water receded back down the s-bend taking a mass of paper and the unnamed horrors from my posterior with it, leaving only a couple of gnarly skidmarks as evidence of the fierce struggle that had taken place on that shining porcelain battlefield.
A ragged cheer went up; Humanity had been saved and our brave hero lived to fight another day.
Didn't overflow, didn't have to leave the mess there, didn't have to wake someone up to ask for a plunger. Phew.
That whole ordeal took over an hour at least.