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[SalmonGod]

This has been a big scary week.  Things are happening that I never saw for myself.  I never saw myself climbing the ladder.  I never wanted to see myself as someone who had such aspirations.  I identify with workers, not managers.  I especially never saw it happening in a business environment like this.  But I think it's about to happen anyway.  I do and don't want this.  I hate the business world.  I hate the people that operate it.  But I'm suddenly finding my personality, talents, and work ethic recognized and respected by those people, and now I'm being invited closer to them.  Even by someone who I've spent most of my time in this office avoiding, because every interaction with her felt like being stalked like a predator.  I'm now realizing that's completely reversed.  A week ago, I was dead set on escaping this place as soon as I could.  Now I'm thinking about how I'm going to make it better.  All in the midst of swallowing down emotional turmoil, because the two people I'd grown closest to at work, who supported me so much towards growing into the position I'm in now, have left within the span of two weeks.  One had her last day today and I actually teared up over it, because of how overwhelming everything has been, knowing that the last person who went out of her way to teach me and support me when I needed it is gone.

Life is fucking bizarre and terrifying and oh my god this is going to suck so bad.  But... I have to grow up and take an opportunity to build a better future for myself and my family someday.  I may never see a better opportunity than this, and as I close in on 32, it's sunk in pretty deeply that the opportunities I really want may never come.

In other words, I'm being practically handed a team lead position (at a small but rapidly growing company doing really big business, so it's significant... I'd be shouldering primary responsibility for the majority of air freight imports for a major corporation).  My boss has been making references to "my future at BDP" almost every time I talk to her.  She announced the position being opened today, just as the last person who took on the position stepped down, because it basically broke her within a span of 4 months.  She's the second person I've seen torn apart by this position in the less than 2 years I've been here.  And as my boss was leaving today, she... indirectly said to me "I'm opening this position back up so you can take it."  But... I'm being told by the person one step down from her, who I respect, and realizing to a large extent myself, that the way I've evolved in my time here I have practically turned into the de facto team lead anyway.  Everyone looks to me for guidance, and I spend most of every day providing it.  And it's been that way for a while.  And higher ups look to me for my analysis of both the workload and the people of the team.  I can't deny that it makes sense... and maybe I am suited for succeeding at this where others have failed.  And maybe this is a first step to making something of myself.

Having serious doubts about this.  Manager hasn't posted the opening to apply for yet.  Her attitude towards me is still extremely positive.  But her attitude towards the team and the work... goes back and forth... I can tell she's trying (because she knows her attitude is what drove people away and caused this crisis), but I think as soon as things reach any sort of normalization again, that she'll be right back to her old ways of condescension, suspicion, and general meanness.  I really don't want to be the person ultimately held responsible for everything that happens on the team when she feels it's safe to regress to that mode again.

And she's been fighting for permission to hire more people, but can't get any support from the regional manager.  I overheard him quoted as saying "There's no such thing as burnout."

Goddamnit fuck the business world so fucking much.

I have a second interview with another freight forwarder tomorrow.  I'd be passing up the opportunity for supervisor experience, but I really like the manager's attitude there and everything I hear about the style of their workplace.  I haven't made up my mind yet, but I'm definitely keeping this in my back pocket.

[Yoink]

I've decided to wear a hat today. I am not used to wearing hats.
Beanies, sure, but I don't feel like wearing a beanie today. Today is a day that requires some sort of hat, and I want to wear this cap that rarely gets any use. It looks good to me, but for some reason the idea of going outside wearing a hat scares the heck out of me. Stupid brain.

[Tiruin]

Do you really hate, say, Caroline, at all?
Or Tiruin?
Or Reverie?
Or Vector?
Well?

Why wouldn't he? I know 3 of those 4 are very good role models in at least 1 way (I don't really know Reverie or even their reputation *shrug* please try to not be offended) which is a really good way for hidden insecurities to bite you in ass.
You know, your emotions throw you a pity party and it is up to your mind to steer you back on track. Hate is a good tool for that but it is hella bad when stagnant so you send extra Love in to help mosey it along. When it becomes habitual or subconscious it is fearsome to behold in action.

Ohey I was mentioned :p
I personally don't think I make a very good role-model, so you're not missing anything

But you aaaare!~
...
I'm the one who's not a good role model. Never get anything done.

._.
Y'all are my role models.

[Orange Wizard]

But you aaaare!~
...
I'm the one who's not a good role model. Never get anything done.

I think you're confusing yourself with me. You're actually doing well in school (afaik).

[Reudh]

I've decided to wear a hat today. I am not used to wearing hats.
Beanies, sure, but I don't feel like wearing a beanie today. Today is a day that requires some sort of hat, and I want to wear this cap that rarely gets any use. It looks good to me, but for some reason the idea of going outside wearing a hat scares the heck out of me. Stupid brain.

Darn Melbourne weather, right?

[Magistrum]

I have almost been shot yesterday, and this time I got frightened.
I live in a particularly troubled area of the city, and there are occasional power struggles between the drug traffickers around here, so they all keep guns on them 24/7.

I got into a fight because of my cousin, who is a drug user, and all as well(I'm not very sure, but I'm certain that I landed more kicks than I took ) then, two armed men intervened and broke the fight. But suddenly the other guy just jumped, I don't know why, maybe he wanted to flee, and one of the armed guys got scared or something and shot accidentally.
The thing made a hole less than forty centimeters from me on the wall behind, and I feel my ear is still ringing from the noise...

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Holy shit, David.
Holy shit.
That is literally all I can say.
Oh, and I sincerely hope you don't get shot at again.
Or wounded in any way.

[IronTomato]

Holy shit, David.
Holy shit.
That is literally all I can say.
Oh, and I sincerely hope you don't get shot at again.
Or wounded in any way.

[KingofstarrySkies]

Do you really hate, say, Caroline, at all?
Or Tiruin?
Or Reverie?
Or Vector?
Well?

Hum...
KoSS has a different way of conveying his feelings. His 'hate' isn't the conventional way of 'hate' (y'know, the ARGHLBLJABLJGH YOU INSIPID SCUM, or any variant of malevolence), if you check his context. He's a nice guy, really, with a totally different way of conveying it.

my god, someone finally got it

[Magistrum]

Do you really hate, say, Caroline, at all?
Or Tiruin?
Or Reverie?
Or Vector?
Well?

Hum...
KoSS has a different way of conveying his feelings. His 'hate' isn't the conventional way of 'hate' (y'know, the ARGHLBLJABLJGH YOU INSIPID SCUM, or any variant of malevolence), if you check his context. He's a nice guy, really, with a totally different way of conveying it.

my god, someone finally got it

I'll just chalk it up to you not having feelings.

[BFEL]

Do you really hate, say, Caroline, at all?
Or Tiruin?
Or Reverie?
Or Vector?
Well?

Why wouldn't he? I know 3 of those 4 are very good role models in at least 1 way (I don't really know Reverie or even their reputation *shrug* please try to not be offended) which is a really good way for hidden insecurities to bite you in ass.
You know, your emotions throw you a pity party and it is up to your mind to steer you back on track. Hate is a good tool for that but it is hella bad when stagnant so you send extra Love in to help mosey it along. When it becomes habitual or subconscious it is fearsome to behold in action.

Ohey I was mentioned :p
I personally don't think I make a very good role-model, so you're not missing anything

But you aaaare!~
...
I'm the one who's not a good role model. Never get anything done.

._.
Y'all are my role models.

I AM CLEARLY THE BEST ROLE MODEL, SEEING AS I AM NOT WEARING PANTS

[Tawa]

Guys, cool the pyramid.

[Magistrum]

Do you really hate, say, Caroline, at all?
Or Tiruin?
Or Reverie?
Or Vector?
Well?

Why wouldn't he? I know 3 of those 4 are very good role models in at least 1 way (I don't really know Reverie or even their reputation *shrug* please try to not be offended) which is a really good way for hidden insecurities to bite you in ass.
You know, your emotions throw you a pity party and it is up to your mind to steer you back on track. Hate is a good tool for that but it is hella bad when stagnant so you send extra Love in to help mosey it along. When it becomes habitual or subconscious it is fearsome to behold in action.

Ohey I was mentioned :p
I personally don't think I make a very good role-model, so you're not missing anything

But you aaaare!~
...
I'm the one who's not a good role model. Never get anything done.

._.
Y'all are my role models.

I AM CLEARLY THE BEST ROLE MODEL, SEEING AS I AM NOT WEARING PANTS

I just saw a pyramid, so I thought; "Hey, what if I added a new layer to it?"

[BlitzDungeoneer]

I just saw your post so I thought: that's a terrible idea

[Tawa]

-holysnipbatman-
I just saw a pyramid, so I thought; "Hey, what if I added a new layer to it?"

"I will spear your quote pyramids because they are unhealthy for browsers."