So there I am preparing for bed a few weeks ago, and I'm attempting to get some water out of my ear. The sensation had been bothering me the whole day, but I hadn't had access to q-tips until that night. I keep trying to knock it free into the cotton, but to no avail. I retract the tip... and hear 3 taps against my eardrum. Perfectly spaced, way too loud for comfort.
I yell and freak right the fuck out, suddenly remembering that one news article about
a woman who had a spider make a small home of her ear for almost a week. Having grown up with Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings, I have a case of arachnophobia born of seeing Aragog and Shelob splay their monstrous bodies and whiteless eyes across the television. Barely able to control myself, I run and cling to my parents' doorframe and explain my situation. "I think... there's a spider in my ear."
Neither of them believed that my fears were grounded in reality, of course. My mother led me back to the bathroom and continued trying to scrape whatever was in there out with a q-tip, before commenting that she saw a small black hair of some sort. I prayed to all the gods that I did not worship that whatever was in there was not what I feared it to be, and quietly asked her to fetch some tweezers. I clung pitifully to the sink, and she pulled out...
A hair. More than an inch long. I almost collapsed with relief. Nervous laughter all around, I finished up and went to bed, thanking the nameless celestial entities.