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[Ultimuh]

I am not sure myself, I have not been in that situation.
Although I'm a guy so.. I dunno?
But yeah.. If he's married, he should stick with what he's got.

[Graknorke]

I've never seen a person keep sugar in a shaker, but you see it in restaurants all the time. They look something like this usually:

Spoiler: The big one (click to show/hide)

I notice the sugar shaker appears to lack holes or any other means of egress for the sugar. An effective strategy for calorie control.

Ashens reviewed a thing like that one time. So there's precedent for that kind of fault existing.

[smeeprocket]

I am not sure myself, I have not been in that situation.
Although I'm a guy so.. I dunno?
But yeah.. If he's married, he should stick with what he's got.

well it's also unwelcome. It's more about him respecting me AND his wife.

my boyfriend saw one of his messages and started thinking I was cybering or something and now I am scared to talk to him about it in case he gets jealous

[smjjames]

I am not sure myself, I have not been in that situation.
Although I'm a guy so.. I dunno?
But yeah.. If he's married, he should stick with what he's got.

well it's also unwelcome. It's more about him respecting me AND his wife.

my boyfriend saw one of his messages and started thinking I was cybering or something and now I am scared to talk to him about it in case he gets jealous

Just tell your boyfriend that it's some married guy trying to hit on you and that his moves are unwelcome and unwanted. Or something like that.

As for the married guy, just tell him no?

[smeeprocket]

yea, that's not how social interactions with guys work.

I'm mean he hasn't directly hit on me, just been kind of...open about stuff. So I am not sure what he is doing.

[Helgoland]

yea, that's not how social interactions with guys work.

They do with some of us, you know. Can't hurt to try.

Okay, it can, but it's still worth a shot.

[smeeprocket]

even being a feminist, dealing with guys in real time is intimidating. Also, if that is not his intent, I don't want him to feel shut off or offended.

I am actually fairly scared of men. The power dynamic in place gives them a lot of control, and it can be dangerous, even online.

[ArKFallen]

I'm mean he hasn't directly hit on me, just been kind of...open about stuff. So I am not sure what he is doing.

Have you considered he could be doing so to make it less awkward for him to ask about advice on how to x with the wife?

He's being open like talking about his sexual preferences or talking about sex positions/kinks (x)? The former you are likely correct (or he's closeted about something and is reinforcing that appearance), the latter makes my question somewhat more relevant.

As for how to get him to stop embarrassing(making him feel embarrassed when bringing it up) him in a non-confrontational manner is one possibility.

[smeeprocket]

I'm mean he hasn't directly hit on me, just been kind of...open about stuff. So I am not sure what he is doing.

Have you considered he could be doing so to make it less awkward for him to ask about advice on how to x with the wife?

He's being open like talking about his sexual preferences or talking about sex positions/kinks (x)? The former you are likely correct (or he's closeted about something and is reinforcing that appearance), the latter makes my question somewhat more relevant.

As for how to get him to stop embarrassing(making him feel embarrassed when bringing it up) him in a non-confrontational manner is one possibility.

well he was graphically discussing his love of BDSM and his wife being too submissive for it.

I don't know if he was asking for advice when he said that he'd personally love it if she blew him while fingering his cornhole.

We've spoken very honestly and openly about each other on our mental illness (he has PTSD from Iraq, I was born with an illness) I don't know if he is continuing that into sex discussion or what.

Plus, there was a time when I did cyber while still with my boyfriend, and got caught. I didn't do it after at all. So I'm terrified he's going to think I'm e-cheating on him or something talking about this stuff

[Orange Wizard]

Well, you could try being honest to the boyfriend. Relationships need trust and all that crap. As to the freaky married dude, tell him something to the effect of "I don't want to hear about that shit, yah bastard".

[Rose]

I am actually fairly scared of men. The power dynamic in place gives them a lot of control, and it can be dangerous, even online.

This really confuses me. What power dynamic? He's one guy sending you stuff you don't want, not a gang of thugs cornering you in an alleyway.

Unless he's your boss or something. Then it's a problem.

[UXLZ]

Yeah, if someone's boss is doing that it just isn't right. Still, it's possible he's really just trying to get it off his chest. People often hire prostitutes so they can just talk to them about their relationship troubles. (Not comparing you to one, smeep, though I don't get where all the stigma about them comes from...)

[Flying Dice]

If I had to take a stab, I'd guess that he sees you as someone he trusts enough to confide in, and probably isn't thinking about other implications. Tell him that you aren't really comfortable discussing his sex life, because he honestly might not realize that, given that you haven't said anything. People aren't psychic, and most aren't even particularly good at picking up on subtext or subtle hints.

[UXLZ]

Truth be told, if there was someone I was actually interested in, I probably wouldn't be telling them about my odd... Desires. Then again, I'm not him. I'm also a hormonal, gibbering wreck due to still being a teenager but that's an issue for never again.

[Orange Wizard]

(I don't get where all the stigma about them comes from...)

Conservatives and STDs.