I distinctly remember receiving an alert that an emergency had arisen in Germany through the consumption of wild boars. The pigs were radioactive, and thus unsuitable for human consumption. Such unusual and cruelly hilarious emergencies only arrive once in a decade, alongside diplomatic bee attacks and australians saving whale carcasses from shark swarms. It appears that radiation from Chernobyl is still persisting across much of Europe but is safely locked underneath layers of soil and dirt, only disturbed by the digging of Dwarves and the growing of plants. Because plants tend to confuse strontium and caesium with potassium and calcium they often end up incorporating the radioactive metals underground into themselves. This is not usually even that much of an issue except where the wild boars are concerned, because the wild boars enjoy digging up and eating roots and truffles resulting in their delicious meat being infused with radioactive fallout.
Whilst looking for lunch myself I was reminded of this anecdote by a "game" baguette which harboured gloriously glazed red onions and fine venisons, and as I inquired also included some wild boar hunted from the fields of southern France. I am not particularly concerned, though there is a minor doubt festering in my thoughts that my delicious meal was too close to Germany for comfort and that it may have been as wise as feasting upon Japanese waters.
If I am to die, I am to die knowing that at least I shall save those around me who learn to beware the boar.
Though knowing myself, I am probably going to ignore better reason and add bacon to my next boar baguette when hunger demands it. Curse you communist defilers of lunch! You knew I cannot refuse such baconage!
Author
Topic: Things that made you absolutely terrified today (Read 2023270 times)