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[Tawa]

HMMMM

TIME TO DIG OUT THE ALTRATOAD.

If I may request a couple more horrifying pickup lines, for my own amusement?

[penguinofhonor]

Unless he uses an alt, of course.

Good strategy. Come up with the idea so nobody thinks it's you. I see right through you, Th4ToAdY1.

[MaximumZero]

Can't be him. Not enough onomatopoeic laughter.

[Lyeos]

Nah, man.
It's obviously LSP.

[Yoink]

Toady One==grisha5

[SalmonGod]

I may be a terrible person for sharing this, but I can't help myself.

I didn't really find this scary at all. More grotesque in the descriptions and bothersome that the monster didn't respect the person's privacy.

I think the problem for me was the fact that the monster was the viewpoint character, which limited the potential to invoke fear of the unknown, combined with the fact that the monster seemed very deliberate in its actions. The whole thing seemed very fatalist; the monster was either going to kill the person or not, but the final outcome seems predetermined so there's no point bothering about it.

This story would have worked better if it had been depicted from the victim's point of view, facing a strange monster with unknowable goals which has haunted them all their life, or it could have worked from the monster's point of view if it showed some sort of internal struggle about what it was doing. As it is it just feels like a very unpleasant clingy person.

2/10 would be more bothered by the intrusion than any feeling of horror

The narrator wasn't a monster.  It was a personification of the victim's ultimate fate.  I don't think it's written to creep you out with imagery or anything.  It's supposed to chill you with thoughts of mortality.  How your death is always waiting for you, from the moment you're born.  Always closer than you think.  A future you that is quite possibly grotesque and definitely inescapable.  It did a good job of making me ponder my own mortal fate.  What it will look like.  What it would look like standing over my shoulder right now, waiting patiently to join with me.

In other words, the story works by revealing in the end that the "monster" is something that in reality stalks every one of us.  All the story did was give us another way to think about it.

[hops]

The Google is all-seeing.
I for one welcome our Google overlords.

[Kassire]

Well, at around 6:45 in the morning I was groaning as my head hurt like hell, I moved around trying to get back to sleep as it is a weekend. looked to my right, there was a fucking centipede, my thoughts were more along the lines of, "OH SHIT RUN RUN". And I did just that, out of the room and into the living room. My head still hurt like hell, drank some chocolate milk with some painkillers. Then I realized, I wasn't really bit,those fuckers bring hardened veteran Border patrol agents crying and to their knees, as I happen to have one of these said men as a neighbor. My hair, movement, and other factors probably made it make multiple attempts to sting me, it failed. Then I had to kill the centipede of course, took a blanket and went into my  the room. By now I had sandals instead of being barefoot. We circled around and I went forward, it went at me, head throbbing of pain, I captured it in the blanket, I rolled it up and went outside. Killed the centipede and then went back to sleep, waking up at 11, still morning, still tired from playing SS13 at late times and killing centipedes. This is the first time I have been bitten by a centipede, though not really stung, the pain was there. Now, this is the Puerto Rican centipede if there was any confusion (I've heard the ones in Florida don't bite)

This is why you should never sleep in an air mattress.   

[Yoink]

O mighty gods of hangovers, please have mercy on your humble disciple. >.>   

[mastahcheese]

Someone asked for bad pickup lines and nobody on Bay12 provided?
What has this world come too?

"I want to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag" has always been wonderfully gag-inducing.
"If you were a phaser, I'd set you to 'stunning'"
There's way more, but I'm tired. Just go play LCS.

[Arx]

"If you were a phaser, I'd set you to 'stunning'"

If I had any intention of acquiring a romantic partner any time in the next five years, I would have to memorise that.

[Tawa]

"If you were a phaser, I'd set you to 'stunning'"

If I had any intention of acquiring a romantic partner any time in the next five years, I would have to memorise that.

I'm using that if I have to date a Star Trek nut.

[Graknorke]

Someone asked for bad pickup lines and nobody on Bay12 provided?
What has this world come too?

"I want to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag" has always been wonderfully gag-inducing.
"If you were a phaser, I'd set you to 'stunning'"
There's way more, but I'm tired. Just go play LCS.

"You know you don't sweat too much for a fat chick."
Probably my favourite as pick up lines go.

[Orange Wizard]

Dangerous centipedes are a foreign concept to me. In New Zealand they're just bugs that weird kids sometimes play with.

"You know you don't sweat too much for a fat chick."

Terrifying: Actually saying this to someone.

[SalmonGod]

This is why you should never sleep in an air mattress.

Well, yeah... you're supposed to sleep on top of them