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[The Merchant Of Menace]

Cleggism: You have two cows, you were promised that food prices wouldn't go up, instead they're tripled, you can not afford the cows anymore.
Cameronism: You just had to sell your two cows, now you find out that food costs are reduced for cowherds who come over from China.

[Leafsnail]

I was referring to how capitalism should work. No punchline needed as I endorse laissiez-faire captialism.

Well, this thread is meant to be humorous, not "Hey look at me I'm right".

Freudism: You have two cows.  This is clearly just another manifestation of your Oedipus complex.

[ECrownofFire]

Dwarfism: You have two cows. The only reason you would have two cows is if you're a cheesemaker. You're invited to a special party room, where there's a nice, shiny lever for you to pull.

[Soadreqm]

Ideal pie-in-the-sky versions are allowed? Sweet!

DESPOTISM: You have all the cows. All of them. Yeah!

 

[AntiAntiMatter]

DWARFISM (v2)-You have two cows. You are conscripted to build an insane megaproject, and your cows get left outside and are eaten by elephants carp. You are sad because your cows died, so you go berserk and start a tantrum spiral.

[Askot Bokbondeler]

dwarf fotress:
you have two cows, the mayor mandates the construction of bismuth items...

you have two cows, you pull a lever, you have !!two cows!!

you have two cows, the moody craftsman demands body parts, you have one cow
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
authoritarianism: you have two cows. MILK THEM! NOW!

[Aklyon]

DWARFISM (v2)-You have two cows. You are conscripted to build an insane megaproject, and your cows get left outside and are eaten by elephants carp sturgeon. You are sad because your cows died, so you go berserk and start a tantrum spiral.

sturgeon are the new carp.

Sardaocracy: You have two cows. Because.

[darkrider2]

Fruadism: You have two cows, you take pictures of the cows and put them for sale on the internet, you ask people for their credit card numbers before any transactions are allowed to take place, the FBI shows up at your doorstep, steals your cows and throws you in jail.

Capitalism: You have two cows, so does your neighbor, no one else has cows. You each sell your milk and compete with each other for the lowest prices and most customers. Until you aren't making money and can't afford to feed yourselves. You form a trust with your neighbor and decide not to compete but instead sell all your milk at the same price as your neighbor, you now both live rather wealthy lives. The townspeople hate you though.

Warmongering: You have two cows, the government declares war on somebody.

[Argembarger]

Slendermanocracy: You have two cows. One of them starts drawing horrible pictures of a spiderlike figure with no face, and starts recording itself at all times. The other cow starts wearing a mask and harassing the first cow. After they both disappear, you look through the recordings the first cow left behind, and are highly disturbed by what you see. Then you go searching in abandoned houses and playgrounds in the middle of the night alone and stuff.

Hussocracy: You have two cows. You have to deal with tons of weird puzzle shit in order to milk them, to fill up your MILK PAIL and unleash your ultimate power. But you fail at Sylladex management and end up prototyping your can of BAG BALM, making a very strange Kernelsprite.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Then your paradox sister's "dog" ruins EVERYTHING FOREVER thanks to a troll from another universe.

Mafiaocracy: You have seven cows. Two of them are actually coyotes in disguise. Every day the cows convene and decide which one of them is a coyote, and you shoot the condemned "cow" to death with your shotgun. Every night, the coyotes kill one of the cows. This goes on until only cows or coyotes are left.

Roll2Dodgeocracy: You have two cows. You roll 1d6 to decide what happens to them, and it almost always is something hilariously horrible.

[ein]

Cameronism: You just had to sell your two cows, now you find out that food costs are reduced for cowherds who come over from China.

Cameronism: You have two cows, but they are blue, and can talk to the forest. And when you try to milk them, the entire fucking planet attacks you.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Diffr'nt Camerons baby.

[Zrk2]

I was referring to how capitalism should work. No punchline needed as I endorse laissiez-faire captialism.

Well, this thread is meant to be humorous, not "Hey look at me I'm right".

Freudism: You have two cows.  This is clearly just another manifestation of your Oedipus complex.

I see what you did there. Now go check on your wife mother.

[ein]

Diffr'nt Camerons baby.

I know.
But the urge to make terrible jokes can be overwhelming sometimes.

[fqllve]

Chomskyism: You have two cows. Mathematically you prove that all cows are, in the end, earthworms.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Fair enough then.