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[Fanofgaming]

You enter the throne room. Upon the throne sits your king, Richard XVII.

You bow humbly as he begins to speak.

"Your services are needed yet again, great hero."

He tells you that a terrible beast stalks the land.

You agree to seek out and kill Kumil Fencelength the Sable Dead the male creature mate of evil, whose lair is a short walk to the northeast.

The sun is setting. You know that leaving now would be risky, but you also think of who else might die if you do not leave before night.

What do you do?
(Hilarious suggestions may be considered depending on the context, but this will probably be completely serious except for when it's not.)


Your items:
*Steel Two-handed Sword* MULTIGRASP
*Steel Helmet* on HEAD
*Steel Breastplate* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Mail Shirt* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Chain Leggings* on LOWER BODY
TWO *Steel Gauntlets* on BOTH HANDS
TWO *Steel High Boots* on BOTH FEET
*Dragon Leather Quiver* on UPPER BODY
       TWENTY +Steel Arrows+
*Dragon Leather Backpack* on UPPER BODY
       FULL *Water-skin*
       TEN DAYS OF FOOD RATIONS

Your skills: Currently irrelevant. Assume you're legendary in everything that applies to a super badass sword user and Grand Master in everything else. Yeah, even Biter and Misc. Object User.

[FuzzyZergling]

Recruit an archer so you have a use for the arrows.

[Fanofgaming]

You're supposed to throw them, silly.

[Argembarger]

Go walk through random houses and go through peoples' belongings for helpful items.

[Hugehead]

Recruit everyone in the castle, makes roads wherever you walk.

Yes, that did happen to me until they got breathed on by a marsh titan and rotted away.

[Fanofgaming]

Go walk through random houses and go through peoples' belongings for helpful items.

You look through the many houses in the keep before realizing that there are none. To appease your burning desire to loot from the townspeople, the king demands that a house be built immediately in front of you. When it is done, you find nothing inside.

Recruit everyone in the castle, makes roads wherever you walk.

You run around the keep, asking every soldier you see to come with you. Every single soldier agrees, and you go to the king to tell him farewell when he realizes that his keep has no garrison. Sadly, you have to leave them all there. No companions for you.

Your items:
*Steel Two-handed Sword* MULTIGRASP
*Steel Helmet* on HEAD
*Steel Breastplate* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Mail Shirt* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Chain Leggings* on LOWER BODY
TWO *Steel Gauntlets* on BOTH HANDS
TWO *Steel High Boots* on BOTH FEET
*Dragon Leather Quiver* on UPPER BODY
       TWENTY +Steel Arrows+
*Dragon Leather Backpack* on UPPER BODY
       FULL *Water-skin*
       TEN DAYS OF FOOD RATIONS

Your skills: Currently irrelevant. Assume you're legendary in everything that applies to a super badass sword user and Grand Master in everything else. Yeah, even Biter and Misc. Object User.

Companions: None. You're too amazingly powerful to need companions anyway!

[Hugehead]

Walk to it's lair, kill it in one strike because that's what EPIC HEROS do.

[Fanofgaming]

Oh, I forgot to mention. It's killed EXACTLY 1,337 significant creatures, eighteen of whom were kings. 934 were soldiers, 229 were civilians, 122 were named elephants from Boatmurdered, 23 were megabeasts, and 11 were your previous characters great adventurers just like you.

[FuzzyZergling]

Ask archer for his bow.
Proceed to the lair of the dragon.

[Fanofgaming]

Walk to it's lair, kill it in one strike because that's what EPIC HEROS do.

Wow. A 3 out of 100. Nice roll. Less than a 5 doesn't even get a response. ^^

Ask archer for his bow.
Proceed to the lair of the dragon.

Wow, you rolled a 4 out of 100. I'll give you a response anyway!
You walk up to a random archer and ask him for his bow. In extreme awe from being honored that you've asked this of him, he becomes delirious and gives you his underwear instead.

You grin and walk away with the underwear before putting it in your backpack. It might come in handy later!

You begin to make your way to the creature's lair. As soon as you leave the keep, you are ambushed by bogeymen.

What do you do!?

Your items:
*Steel Two-handed Sword* MULTIGRASP
*Steel Helmet* on HEAD
*Steel Breastplate* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Mail Shirt* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Chain Leggings* on LOWER BODY
TWO *Steel Gauntlets* on BOTH HANDS
TWO *Steel High Boots* on BOTH FEET
*Dragon Leather Quiver* on UPPER BODY
       TWENTY +Steel Arrows+
*Dragon Leather Backpack* on UPPER BODY
       FULL *Water-skin*
       TEN DAYS OF FOOD RATIONS
       -Archer's Rope-Reed Thong-

Your skills: Currently irrelevant. Assume you're legendary in everything that applies to a super badass sword user and Grand Master in everything else. Yeah, even Biter and Misc. Object User.

[FuzzyZergling]

Fling the underwear, and cleave them in two while they're distracted.

[Fanofgaming]

Fling the underwear, and cleave them in two while they're distracted.

Wow, a 7. The RNG is being a dick, apparently. Oh well.

You throw the -Archer's Rope-Reed Thong- wildly in the air, hoping to distract  the bogeymen. However, in the time it takes you to throw it, you are now completely surrounded by them.
On the bright side, though, you enter a martial trance.

Your items:
*Steel Two-handed Sword* MULTIGRASP
*Steel Helmet* on HEAD
*Steel Breastplate* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Mail Shirt* on UPPER BODY
*Steel Chain Leggings* on LOWER BODY
TWO *Steel Gauntlets* on BOTH HANDS
TWO *Steel High Boots* on BOTH FEET
*Dragon Leather Quiver* on UPPER BODY
       TWENTY +Steel Arrows+
*Dragon Leather Backpack* on UPPER BODY
       FULL *Water-skin*
       TEN DAYS OF FOOD RATIONS

Status Effects: Martial Trance, Drowsy

EDIT: Sleep time. Hopefully, this'll take off tomorrow.

[Krath]

Fling arrows at bogeymen.

[Hugehead]

STABBITY STABBITY STAB!

[KaguroDraven]

Fling arrows.