Journal of Pesor Ngosprithma, Barbarian Hero
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Day 1:
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Visted a nearby hamlet, and tried to ask the local Cook where they keep the tavern. I'm not the best with words, but I don't think I caught even half of what he said. It started out well, as he mentioned Somebody SkirtLulls, scary evil monster to kill. But then he just wouldn't shut up! I stopped trying to keep up after the ninth one.
So, I left. It was a pretty bad tavern anyways. Way too crowded, no seats and it smelled a lot like sober peasants. Probably for the best, since I'm a bit out of cash too.
Decided to take a bath in a pond to wash the peasant smell off, then look for a tavern to the west. Maybe I can sell my old pants for some pints.
Came across a sandbar in the middle of the river, pretty strange sight. If it wasn't for the cliffs, I'd be able to wade across the low water.
Got distracted throwing a few clods of sand at a fish down there, it didn't look too healthy when it swam off.
I've reached the town "SenseQuest", or so says the sign. Sounds like it must have a good tavern somewhere.
Ah, shopping! Jewelery shop is pretty bare, though they do have a +donkey bone bracelet+ in the back.
Better keep moving. Restaurant next door has lots of food, but not a drop of alcohol. Also, flies.
Weapon shop has a well crafted axe in the corner, I'll have to trade up when I get the cash. Three more places selling food, no booze, frustrating. Some nice boots here that I should buy at some point. Gotta keep those toes safe and warm in this cold air.
Finally! This latest place has a keg on the wall! Sadly, it is completely dry, I'll have to keep looking.
Next door is a jewelry shop I don't remember looking in. And they've got a pretty nice +donkey bone bracelet+ in the back...
Day 2:
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Woke up and reviewed my notes. Looks like my poor memory got the best of me again. Time to go and kill things!
Sounds like one of those bandits bugging the Cook is just south of here, so lets pay him a visit.
Spotted a bowman in the hills, clearly up to no good. A friend of his with a crossbow is just around a bend... and a swordsman... at least three up the hill there. This place is just crawling with bandits.
Fortunately, one of those swordsmen just wandered off into the forest to take a whiz. Perfect opportunity to throw an axe into the works.
I worked my way around to a hilltop then jumped down to make my entrance.
Used a pair of slashes to bracket her, and then hacked into the chest. She stumbled back clutching her heart, but there was still some life in her. Nothing the shield couldn't handle, although her last attack before passing out did bowl me over. There's blood all over, but I grab her sword just in case. It was over quickly.
When I got back to the bandits' meeting area, they had all moved off, perhaps looking for their missing minion. So I upgraded to an +iron cap+ from their stockpile. A pikebandit was leaning against a tree on a nearby hill, so I lit it up and scored a shiny silver pike for the trouble.
With the loot weighing on my back, I headed back to town for some shopping.
I traded up my old axe for a well-crafted one. With a better edge on it, I'm hoping that there will be a bit less blood and more limb severing in the next fight.
I also discovered a new shop with a neat +donkey bone bracelet+ Turns out it is too small to fit over my gauntlets, but I got it anyways. A $840 bone amulet went well with my outfit, and I finished off by picking up a few gems in exchange for the heavy weapons I'd been lugging around.
Back at the bandit camp, the warlord was standing in the pile of loot yelling something. I threw some pebbles to distract one of the Hammerman guards and he dutifully investigated the noise on his own.
We fought for a while by a burning tree and a convenient lake. He was pretty agile, but I managed to get a good punch to the skull during the fight and that slowed him down a bit.
Eventually he couldn't stand the heat and charged me. I got up first and put my new axe through his chest.
Just in time, too. The warlord must have seen the fire, and came to investigate. I was getting a bit sleepy, and the sun was already dropping below the horizon, so I slipped away to the nearest village.
The local inn was pretty full, but I discretely dropped some silver, and I was given a place for the night.
Day 3:
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I've been to this bandit camp so many times now that parts of it are starting to become familiar. A quick exploration shows that those two archers are still covering each other and the warlord is guarding the treasure.
Got a pikeman away from the group, and for once the victim wasn't quite so slippery. At first. Four hacks with the axe, and she's now covered in blood and going berzerk.
I stepped back from the fury for a second, and she passed out.
One of the archers came to investigate the screaming, so I ducked behind a tree to sneak up.
Unfortunately the archer spotted me, and in jumping aside from the bolt I fell down the hill. Bit stunned, and swinging up at the bowman's legs isn't very effective.
After dodging another bolt, I charged up the hill and then bowled her over while she tried to reload. A quick hack to the foot and hand while she's down, and now she's unarmed.
Spent some time practicing my wrestling moves on the disarmed bowman, and got a small tooth shaped scar in my leg for it.
Enough fun though. Time to kill that other archer. Who is conveniently leaning against the side of a hill below a tree.
No need to be subtle here, so after creeping up behind the tree, I jumped out and charged. The look on her face was priceless; she was taken totally by surprise, and my axe tasted bone.
Trying to crawl away didn't help as that just made her lower legs an easy target. One more bandit bites the dust.
Couldn't find the warlord, and the camp was a bit of a mess. Maybe it has been abandoned?
Waited a few hours with no sight of the target, then decided to go hunt one of the horses in the eastern fields and stock up on meat.
Horses are fast and have an awful lot of feet to kick with! Ended up doing a lot of dodging on the ground and got a lot of bruises, but got twelve meals and some pretty good practice with my shield.
It is getting dark again, and there is still no sign of my target. I'll have to try again tomorrow.
Day 4:
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Spent another night at the inn, and headed off to check the bandit camp just before dawn. Nothing but buzzards picking at the minions.
A bit further south is a lair which is also on my hit list, so I headed off down that way to keep from getting bored.
Bashed open the lair's door to find a Narrow Monster snacking on some human liver.
Started out the fight with a thrown mace, then pushed it back with a swipe of the axe. Threw my pike like a javelin, but it all did little more than bruises.
Opened its leg with a slash, and then bisected the monster as it leapt past me.
Turns out it had a well-stocked kitchen in the back, and human parts were all over the place. I stayed just long enough to make sure there were no more monsters, and then headed out.
Next up is a bandit camp in a small desert to the east.
These bandits appear to be pretty poorly equipped, but the master leading them has a bow, which I really don't like.
Oops, the guards spotted me, but their master appears to be the lazy type, so I'm not full of arrows yet.
Shoved a wrestler down a hill and backed away while she was stunned.
Without distractions, I was able to drop the swordsman in four moves. Silver scimitars may look nice, but they are pretty worthless in combat.
Surprisingly, the wrestler took a lot more effort to put down. Couldn't dodge worth beans, but refused to give up even with massive blood loss and organ damage.
No time to dally, gotta sneak up on that master before he notices his minions aren't coming back.
Jumped down the hill in my trademark move, leading with the shield to block his bolt, and then shattering his ribs with the axe.
That was quite unsatisfying. After the first attack, I went to grab for his throat, but he'd already collapsed from the pain.
I guess they don't make criminals like they used to.
Stopped for a snack of horse meat at noon, then went northeast to find another Narrow Monster cave.
Found a hatch and stumbled down through it, only for the monster to scream in my ear about how it was going to horribly kill me. How embarrassing.
An axe to the lung is a good way to make up for such an entrance, but that monster was smart and agile enough to avoid getting hit again.
After quite a lot of sparring it jumped back to avoid a blow, and I nailed it with an iron bolt in the leg. Didn't do much damage, but I was able to use the embedded bolt for leverage and throw the monster to the floor.
Once on the ground it was a lot easier. Took a lot of hits but its heart wasn't in the battle at the end.
Found parts of at least three people in the kitchen, but more importantly, a copper helm to wear!
One more bandit camp in range, so I headed out further east. Ran into an ambush by some jokers calling themselves the "Beaks of Battle". Seems they were hunting groundhogs, and took offense to my presence.
They sent a pikeman to threaten me, so I caved in his skull and that was enough to get the point across.
I walked brazenly into this last bandit camp, and the bandit commander turned out to have a crossbow.
I stepped back behind a tree as his wrestler minion came charging through the forest at me. One measly swipe that didn't even hit, and the wrestler started running, so I filled his back with copper arrows.
The commander got his own turn, taking two potshots into my shield before trying to block my axe with his arm muscle. His guts spilled out shortly before his brains followed.
Cleanup of the rest of the minions was almost boring. Leg slash/skullcrush combo on the spearman, flurry of bloody slashes against the swordsman, and a spine shattering attack on the hammerman.
Turns out they had an archer in reserve, waiting for me to start rifling through the bandit loot, not that there was anything worth keeping.
Poor guy was out of his league, as he managed to shoot a tree before getting run down and having his skull caved in by my mighty fist.
With the sun setting, I headed off to the nearby town of HelpedThundered, where I figured my tales could at least get me a few drinks from a private stash.
Day 5:
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According to the local swordsman, I've cleaned out all the troublemakers within half a days walk.
Maybe now it will be safe enough for one of these peasants to open a tavern. I've really got no luck in that regard.
After a long trek back west, that original bandit camp's is full of groundhogs and buzzards but still no leader.
There's another camp to the south to attack so the day won't be a total waste.
Interesting. I've always been one to believe in the power of metal, but I got a good chance to punch a bandit in the face, and he went down in one shot.
I tried it on the local bandit chieftess; a swipe with the axe to put them off balance, and then a punch to the face. Out like a light.
The swordsman dropped like a sack of coins too.
On my way to the next camp, I heard some strange noises and slowed down a bit. Turned out to be a Kobold spearman!
The little guy came at me with a spear, but it went down with a single punch before it could even blink.
This is sort of spooky.
Got into town after sunset, but my tale of punching out an entire band of bandits was worth a warm bed.
Day 6:
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Reached the cave of a moon creature consort early in the morning.
My first action after kicking the door in was to mash my fist into its face. Damaged the muscle, but it is still standing, and isn't going to give me a second chance there.
Maybe my fist isn't quite as magical as I thought, but the axe is always good for a bloodbath.
Nothing good to take, so I moved on to a nearby bandit camp.
Spearman tried to protect his face so he got an axe in the hand. Then I struck him down with a punch.
The rest of the camp swarmed me along with their master, so I fell back while swinging low to cripple. In the end, there was a small pond of blood, none of it mine.
Walked south for the afternoon to another bandit camp, and found a chief with no minions. Now he's a chief with no limbs.
Just enough time to walk to a castle I spied.
The main gate was unguarded, but a swordsman I met inside gushed about how I have become known as a legendary warrior by everyone in the region.
Sadly he didn't have any interesting jobs to do, so I went to sleep disappointed.
Day 7:
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Wandered the forest looking for the last bandit camp all day today, but couldn't find it through the fog.
Only too late did I realize that the growing darkness was due to nightfall rather than just another wave of clouds.
...
The cackling is all around. Horrible things are behind the trees and closing in.
...
Not good. They're faster than me, and they're always grabbing at my heels. I couldn't make contact with my axe and they don't seem to be afraid of fire.
There's a river up ahead now, blocking my path, and an Crocodile in there. The boogeymen keep pressing me back!
Glub. Aaargh!
Pesor ScuffleMother the Primitive Cactus of Fountains
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b. 215 d. 250
Twenty-nine notable kills (25 humans), plus a horse.
Respected by 143 organizations, greatly respected by four more.
Author
Topic: Loincloth challenge, 2010 edition (Read 17485 times)