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[USEC_OFFICER]

I find the graffiti stuff is very forgiving... but loose. Like the time limit is very generous and the motions are easy to do, but sometimes you just fail for no obvious reason. Some kind of better feedback is probably needed, but it's easy enough that it wouldn't really matter so... Eh.

[EnigmaticHat]

Apparently, on legendary difficulty officers get grenades.  An officer was the only enemy left and hit 2 soldiers with a grenade, killing neither of them.  However, fire spread beyond the radius of the grenade and lit my hunkered down 1 health rookie on fire.  The squad was one turn away from being able to complete the mission.

You can't extract on the first mission.  Welp...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Xcom 2.  At least everyone else survived.

[Rince Wind]

Well, no one died, but it certainly feels like death: A kea stole my artifact bismuth bronze warhammer. And I just finished arms an armour for a new squad.

Dwarf Fortress

[Arx]

You know that feeling when you're post-mortem'ing an unsuccessful strategy and you realise you had two near-ideal solutions available all along? Yeah.

In this case, I was fighting a retreating defensive against the Japanese and Turks, while my allies ran an offensive around the other flank. The Japanese player was spamming halberdiers and samurai, and the Turk was obviously running hand cannonneers, bombards, and bombard towers (with a side of hussars). In response, I was running pure trash (heavy on skirmishers, light on halberdiers), which was trading roughly cost effectively but losing ground too fast.

In hindsight, I should have transitioned into mass chu-ko-nus and heavy scorpions. They would still have struggled against the bombards, but scorpions against hand cannons is actually criminally effective and chu-ko-nus would kill everything else (and the scorpions would not be weak). Kicking myself right now.

AoE II.

[Rolan7]

I used bonemeal on a sacred rubber tree sapling.  Suffocated.

Minecraft Technic, Modern Millenaire pack (which has Galacticcraft AND Millenaire!)

Also, used my chainsaw on a sacred rubber tree.  Had to kill the game, but only after I saw the world explode in rubber and hardwood.
Fortunately it apparently saved right before I used the chainsaw

(Sacred trees are HUGE.  Like, WOAH huge.  Chainsaws cut down entire trees at once, producing at least tens of thousands of loose items in this case.)

[TheBiggerFish]

Ow.

[Rolan7]

Nah it's perfect, it saved *before* I cut it down.  As in, the save is fine (:
I've been chopping it down bit by bit, since the chainsaw specifically cuts everything above the point you target.  And I have a jetpack, of course.  Though at some point it... mysteriously caught on fire?  Probably due to a skeleton, which some mod decided to grant flaming arrows (or explosive, or poison, or freakin *wither* lol)

Thanks to the flames, there are about a hundred isolated islands of leafy wood floating in the sky.  And eventually the tree lost enough integrity that it stopped being a tree at all, it's just individual blocks of wood.  I suppose I'll switch my mining laser to "superhot" and clean up the leftovers, sometime.  In the meantime I have 8 chests full of rubber, wood, and saplings.  Not a bad haul.

I don't even know where I got these saplings, they supposedly just spawn in chests?  Thing is, I had TWO...
totally gonna make a treehouse (:<

[TheBiggerFish]

I was talking 'lagspike' and 'treetotheface' more.

[Loud Whispers]

About thirty of us all took over our various countries in the modern day, with modern day crises unfolding (in addition to some nonsensical ones like arctic penguin exterminator invasions), but in my corner of the world things were turning out rather ok. I was in charge of Iran and began militiarizing my border whilst making alliances with the Shiites in Iraq and Syria, threatening any who deployed WMDs with invasion. Things turned out better than expected with ISIS being eradicated, refugees returning home or getting stranded in Switzerland, Iraqi and Syrian forces withdrawing to their own countries (well, the original Syrians were gone, but the new Syrians returned). Saudi Arabia, Iran, Turkey, Syria and Iraq all began forming a close cooperation of Muslim states with a focus on pressuring the United States on turning over the levant and kuwait to Syria and Iraq respectively. And again, everything went better than expected (even if I had to talk Saudi Arabia out of a war with Ethiopia and a military invasion of Kuwait and the levant), with the USA agreeing to turn over their military bases in the Middle East to us.

The end came from Kazakhstan.
Early on Kazakhstan had offered me an alliance and I agreed, with themselves forming an Islamic Socialist Republic. I intended to adopt Islamic Socialism too, but I wanted to wait until America ceded their bases to Iraq and Syria first. Through neo-communist expansion Kazakhstan intended to create a massive communist bloc from the Middle East to Russia to China, with Kazakhstan absorbing Afghanistan and Pakistan whilst everyone was looking to their own problems. During the negotiations with the USA the Kazakhstani sent me a private message detailing how they intended to invade the Turks through the Caspian sea and Azerbaijan. I very quickly reminded the Kazakhstani that this would very quickly alarm the USA and Turkey would no doubt deploy their weapons of mass destruction. Kazakhstan tried assuring me that Turkey had none, and that Kazakhstan in fact had the weapons, I told Kazakhstan that Turkey had theirs too and would preemptively strike Azerbaijan. Now keep in mind Kazakhstan wanted to make Turkey into an Islamic Socialist state when it was already moving towards that too, I informed Kazakhstan that I was succeeding diplomatically where military would end in brutal slaughter in the Middle East.

One year before the USA was to turn over the levant and kuwait to Iraq and Syria, Kazakhstan invades Azerbaijan across the Caspian Sea. The Turks withdraw and consolidate their forces in Eastern Anatolia, they do not possess the resources to repel or hold off the Kazakhstani forces forever, and they inform me they will deploy their weapons of mass destruction soon. I try to get Saudi Arabia to deal with the Kazakhstani for me, as I feared their troops right on my border whereas Saudi Arabia shared no such border. Kazakhstan declared war upon the Saudi Arabians. The USA withdrew from their deal immediately. The Kazakh leader seemed completely oblivious to the fact that half of Europe, a third of the Muslim world and the USA had just declared war upon them, and the Kazakh leader did not understand they had just demolished all my diplomacy had built, maintaining that the Kazakhs were "winning." My communications to the Kazakh leader grew increasingly desperate and less subtle as my troops started moving in secret towards his border, I urged the Turks in secret to withhold until I gave the Americans an airbase from which to stage an invasion from in Iran - and gave an ultimatum saying that you must offer peace now or we will all perish.

The Kazakhs gave an international declaration to every single player offering peace. Their terms were (word for word):

1. Muslims will go to burn France
2. Poland and France will leave Germany
3. Assad will rule Syria
4. Black Sea Coast will (go to) be KSSR (Kazakhstan)
5. Eastern, Central, Western Turkey will be Turkey
6. Turkey will be communist
7. Turkey will change its name to TSSR
8. USA will burn
9. Eastern Ukraine will be Russian
10. Taiwan, Japan, South Korea will be Chinesse [sic]
11. Nepal Bhutan Burma Bangladesh will be Indian
12. Niger Burkina Faso will be Algerian
13. Israel Kuwait will be Iraq
14. Northern France will be Germany
KSSR is waiting for UN opinion

The President of the United Nations inquired as to whether the president of the Kazakhs was of a sound mental health. It seems odd as well why they believed their war against Turkey gave them a right to give the lands of people who weren't at war with anyone over to other people who weren't at war with anyone, or why he tried reviving Assad back to power or why he was giving Israel and Kuwait to Iraq. There were so many questions that could not be answered.

Sadly in the end Turkey could hold off no longer and deployed their weapons of mass destruction, permanently destroying much of Anatolia and Azerbaijan, retreating Westwards. I managed to negotiate a deal with the Americans where they did cede the Levant and Kuwait to Syria and Iraq respectively in the end, but once they were in Kazakhstan the President of Kazakhstan went truly mental. China invaded Kazakh Mongolia, Russia invaded Kazakhstan proper and Iranian marched through Pakistan with India. The Kazakhs then deployed their weapons of mass destruction and eliminated Tehran, from which point onwards Iran was broken and administration was passed over to the Arabians.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Warlight

[TheBiggerFish]

Wow.

[BlackHeartKabal]

About thirty of us all took over our various countries in the modern day, with modern day crises unfolding (in addition to some nonsensical ones like arctic penguin exterminator invasions), but in my corner of the world things were turning out rather ok. I was in charge of Iran and began militiarizing my border whilst making alliances with the Shiites in Iraq and Syria, threatening any who deployed WMDs with invasion. Things turned out better than expected with ISIS being eradicated, refugees returning home or getting stranded in Switzerland, Iraqi and Syrian forces withdrawing to their own countries (well, the original Syrians were gone, but the new Syrians returned). Saudi Arabia, Iran, Turkey, Syria and Iraq all began forming a close cooperation of Muslim states with a focus on pressuring the United States on turning over the levant and kuwait to Syria and Iraq respectively. And again, everything went better than expected (even if I had to talk Saudi Arabia out of a war with Ethiopia and a military invasion of Kuwait and the levant), with the USA agreeing to turn over their military bases in the Middle East to us.

The end came from Kazakhstan.
Early on Kazakhstan had offered me an alliance and I agreed, with themselves forming an Islamic Socialist Republic. I intended to adopt Islamic Socialism too, but I wanted to wait until America ceded their bases to Iraq and Syria first. Through neo-communist expansion Kazakhstan intended to create a massive communist bloc from the Middle East to Russia to China, with Kazakhstan absorbing Afghanistan and Pakistan whilst everyone was looking to their own problems. During the negotiations with the USA the Kazakhstani sent me a private message detailing how they intended to invade the Turks through the Caspian sea and Azerbaijan. I very quickly reminded the Kazakhstani that this would very quickly alarm the USA and Turkey would no doubt deploy their weapons of mass destruction. Kazakhstan tried assuring me that Turkey had none, and that Kazakhstan in fact had the weapons, I told Kazakhstan that Turkey had theirs too and would preemptively strike Azerbaijan. Now keep in mind Kazakhstan wanted to make Turkey into an Islamic Socialist state when it was already moving towards that too, I informed Kazakhstan that I was succeeding diplomatically where military would end in brutal slaughter in the Middle East.

One year before the USA was to turn over the levant and kuwait to Iraq and Syria, Kazakhstan invades Azerbaijan across the Caspian Sea. The Turks withdraw and consolidate their forces in Eastern Anatolia, they do not possess the resources to repel or hold off the Kazakhstani forces forever, and they inform me they will deploy their weapons of mass destruction soon. I try to get Saudi Arabia to deal with the Kazakhstani for me, as I feared their troops right on my border whereas Saudi Arabia shared no such border. Kazakhstan declared war upon the Saudi Arabians. The USA withdrew from their deal immediately. The Kazakh leader seemed completely oblivious to the fact that half of Europe, a third of the Muslim world and the USA had just declared war upon them, and the Kazakh leader did not understand they had just demolished all my diplomacy had built, maintaining that the Kazakhs were "winning." My communications to the Kazakh leader grew increasingly desperate and less subtle as my troops started moving in secret towards his border, I urged the Turks in secret to withhold until I gave the Americans an airbase from which to stage an invasion from in Iran - and gave an ultimatum saying that you must offer peace now or we will all perish.

The Kazakhs gave an international declaration to every single player offering peace. Their terms were (word for word):

1. Muslims will go to burn France
2. Poland and France will leave Germany
3. Assad will rule Syria
4. Black Sea Coast will (go to) be KSSR (Kazakhstan)
5. Eastern, Central, Western Turkey will be Turkey
6. Turkey will be communist
7. Turkey will change its name to TSSR
8. USA will burn
9. Eastern Ukraine will be Russian
10. Taiwan, Japan, South Korea will be Chinesse [sic]
11. Nepal Bhutan Burma Bangladesh will be Indian
12. Niger Burkina Faso will be Algerian
13. Israel Kuwait will be Iraq
14. Northern France will be Germany
KSSR is waiting for UN opinion

The President of the United Nations inquired as to whether the president of the Kazakhs was of a sound mental health. It seems odd as well why they believed their war against Turkey gave them a right to give the lands of people who weren't at war with anyone over to other people who weren't at war with anyone, or why he tried reviving Assad back to power or why he was giving Israel and Kuwait to Iraq. There were so many questions that could not be answered.

Sadly in the end Turkey could hold off no longer and deployed their weapons of mass destruction, permanently destroying much of Anatolia and Azerbaijan, retreating Westwards. I managed to negotiate a deal with the Americans where they did cede the Levant and Kuwait to Syria and Iraq respectively in the end, but once they were in Kazakhstan the President of Kazakhstan went truly mental. China invaded Kazakh Mongolia, Russia invaded Kazakhstan proper and Iranian marched through Pakistan with India. The Kazakhs then deployed their weapons of mass destruction and eliminated Tehran, from which point onwards Iran was broken and administration was passed over to the Arabians.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Warlight

This will never be topped, lock the thread and make a new one.

[Arcvasti]

-snop-

This will never be topped, lock the thread and make a new one.

Yeah, LW's gaming shenanigans are unequalled

[Amperzand]

When he lays down the noble cause of shitposting, LW is a damn good gamer.

[Haspen]

After 'modding' Civilization 2 (almost everything is laid out in .txt files, it's so easy!), adding things like horse archers, spy balloons and of course deathbots a la Civ5, I've begun a long game as Vikings.

Six hours later I was alone with Persians (super big, moderately advanced, rather docile after they ran out of neighbours to conquer) and Aztecs (minor power on the remote western continent), I decided to prepare my spies and nuclear missiles and hordes of armor and howitzers.

1959 AD: Persians develop The Laser!

There goes my nuking ability. By 1965 AD they had even the smallest of towns equipped with SDI (I swear Persians were sleeping on money in that game).

So I went for normal conquest and just flooded their lands with aforementioned howitzers and tanks... it went OK for about fifteen turns, I conquered several cities, caused much havoc.

Then I got the prompt 'Persians develop Fusion Power!' and few turns later I was reminded what I did mod in for the last tech in the tree.

Deathbots. Deathbots everywhere. Deathbots singlehandedly crushing my swarms of tanks. Deathbots retaking conquered cities in 2 turns. Deathbots shrugging off my entire stockpile of cruise missiles (about 90 missiles, but I did kill 6 deathbots out of maybe 25 they had at that point).

Deathbots being transported to my home continent.

Deathbots stomping my cities.

I think I made them a bit too OP.

[Amperzand]

The important thing is to design a weapon to counter any unit you create. In my escapades with Cortex Command, that's usually just been nuking it or orbital-drop-smashing it, but still.