Just had two incredibly painful games.
The first, three people go offlane leaving me with no one for my Winter Wyvern support in the safelane. I say someone should join me, so the... support Pugna TPs down? Wat? He's clearly new too as he repeatedly charges into combat with an Ursa Dazzle duo when he's not even at full health. This leaves two farm hungry heroes, Zeus and Juggernaut, in the same lane, while two supports try to hold down the other land. Zeus claims he called top from the start but actually had bot selected for most of the pick process (trolling or just embarrassed, not sure). Predictably, his lane goes badly and the Jug says he'll report him.
Zeus takes this to fucking heart and starts arguing with this guy not to report him. For the entire game. "Maybe if you report me I'll just, like, stop playing. Cause what else can you do to me then?" He also threatens to report Jug, and says, "why are you reporting me, report ___" where blank is at varying points everyone on the team except me (I managed to consistently have best or second best K/D for the entire game despite supporting). Then at one point during the game, Zeus says "someone should get the gem." I think he means buy one to counter Bounty Hunter so I say I'll buy dust instead. Turns out no,
he bought a Gem of True Sight as Zeus then died and dropped it and was telling us to pick it up. For those who don't play DoTA, this is an item that drops when you die and anyone can pick it up. On a squishy mage, on a team that is being repeatedly wiped.
Next game no is calling anything so I decide to go Undying since he gives no shits. Game starts and I tell teammates I can go top or bottom so where do they want me? No one says anything. Then we end up with three people in the offlane (?) including me. Turns out, no one wants to go mid. This is extremely rare because mid is the cushiest role in DoTA. You get almost free farm thanks to tower proximity and the creeps, no one ganks you in pubs, and you get to play heroes that get kills and make plays without the pressure of being the main carry. Its basically where hotshot players go to feel good about themselves without actually being more skilled than anyone else. Anyway, there is exactly one decent mid on our team: Vengeful Spirit, in the safelane with Phantom Lancer. We all tell her to mid, she does not. Turns out, she's not even supporting, she's doing a carry build. She never gets a single kill, feeds constantly, confuses everyone by ulting at random moments. Oh and whenever she's dead she spams pings on every fight for no reason. Best player.