Our characters awoke in our bunks to a blaring alarm, asking us to report to the briefing room in 3 minutes. Our characters all threw on their clothes and sprinted to the briefing room. This would not be fast enough, so Summ called an autohack to carry us to the briefing room. When it arrived, it hit both me and Elly, completely decimating us by turning us into paste. No chunks.
Our clones spawned in the trunk of the same autohack. Summ had taken the wheel, and was driving extremely fast. Eventually, the trunk popped open, and we had a chance to escape. As the car's mega boosters activated, I braced for a big impact. Elly jumped out of the trunk instead, instantly dying. With me still inside, the car accellerated to speeds faster than light, completely obliterating me from existence.
Summ somehow survived this, the badass, and she arrived at the briefing safely. She was given lots of gear with which she was instructed to fight commies. She walked to R&D to pick up some extras. When she got there, a robot dropped two seeds on the floor and poured water on them. They became Elly and my third clone. I got armor, and a sticky gun. Summ got grenades, and a mysterious remote. I'm not joking, as soon as the GM, GUNINANRUNIN, mentioned the remote, I had a feeling that it would be the death of me. Elly got rocketboots and a useless yellow cube. After we left, I made a phonecall.
As soon as I got off the phone, the shit had already hit the fan. Elly was flying around, while police tried to arrest her for holding the useless cube. She flew away. Summ and I went to a fast tube station. We were on official business, so we got to cut the line. Being a couple of geniuses, we accidentally stepped into the tube while there was no car available. We promptly became the cars, and flew through the tube as my hatred for public transport grew.
We safely arrived at the frontlines, and I dove into the middle of the battlefield, and asked the two armies to stop fighting. They ignored me, as bullets rapidly ricochet off of my body. Meanwhile, the remote had begun to speak to Summ in an adorable voice. It was telling Summ, "Use me! Use me!" She began using it. The remote seized my body, and Summ was piloting me around the battlefield. Both sides had become terrified, and everyone was just trying to kill me. My armor made me invincible. Nanomachines, son, they harden in response to physical trauma. They couldn't hurt me. Eventually the Commies called in a tankbot to deal with me. I tried to bullshit it by saying I was friendly. It didn't believe me. The remote instructed Summ to press the red button. Oh, why did she do it?
As soon as she did it, my character's armor folded up, and he was crushed into a cube. "The feeling of your death is not available at your clearance" GUNIN explained. My character's last words were "I HATE EVERYTHING" before he was crushed. "Miniaturization complete" the remote giggled.
Here lies DAN-R-IBO. You laughed as he died. 2014-2014
EDIT: I just noticed you guys are already talking about it. Oh well.
Paranoia on IRC
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Topic: How did you last die? (Read 2414801 times)