I was
MacGyver, scaling my way up a brick tower wall some hundred miles above the jungle canopy. Lacking proper climbing tools, my hands were wrapped in sticky chewing gum, as I scaled my way up to a small window. Judge Dread had already been gunned down ("Dead or alive, you're coming with me" indeed), but Rambo still forged on ahead, jumping and tumbling his way into a room full of terrorists, black-ski-masks drawn over their heads. I looked up, and saw The Devil himself at the top of the tower. He and his terrorist army were the last things standing between us and calling in the airstrike that would liberate the fuck out of this hellhole.
As I climbed into the window, I saw Rambo opening fire on the room full of terrorists. Machine gun fire ripped through the air, and combat knives flashed as he cut a path through the room, and toward a ladder that would carry him to the next floor. As he poked his head into the next room, a dog wearing a ski mask (clearly also a terrorist) leapt down on him from above, and took him down in a single bite. Then it turned its sights on me.
I had no gun, only a pack of timed explosives... and naturally those needed time, which the charging Dog wasn't interested in giving me. Improvising in true MacGyver fashion, I tossed the body of one of the terrorists that Rambo had gunned down earlier over to the Dog, which temporarily lost interest in me, and started nomming on the corpse. However, he didn't see the explosive I'd attached to the body (and heck, he probably wouldn't have known what to do if he had. Terrorist or no, he's still a dog). The explosion turned both bodies into a fine red mist... but the sound also alerted the rest of the terrorists in the tower above. The gig was up. They began sweeping from room to room, looking for me.
I hurried back out to the window I had entered from. I was already hundreds of feet up, and wasn't far from the top at all... but with some 20 armed and alerted terrorists and rooms full of propane and explosives between me and the top floor (and with improvised bombs being my only weapon) I couldn't see a way past them. At least one that wouldn't involve getting gunned down, or blown up.
That is, until I remembered a trick I'd seen earlier.
I found a propane tank sitting on a ledge outside the other end of the tower. After checking to make sure the tank was pointed upwards, I stuck a small explosive charge on the base of the tank with my bubblegum, and hopped on top, preparing to ride it straight up to the top of the tower like some kind of mullet-having Bizarro Dr. Strangelove. I'd jump off at the very top, before the tank exploded in mid air, take on The Devil in hand-to-hand combat, and then call in that airstrike.
However, as the propane tank took off into the air, I discovered that I misjudged the trajectory, and it launched me straight into a wooden platform covered in explosive barrels. The resulting chain reaction exploded most of the tower, and took me with it.
RIP, MacGyver.
Broforce"A ridiculously violent platform game about being awesome action heroes from the 80s and 90s while slaying satanic terrorists and aliens while unraveling an evil plot to destroy the planet while
dealing with being awesome action heroes from the 80s and 90s."