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Author Topic: Am I dwarfy yet  (Read 1671 times)

Harudoku

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Am I dwarfy yet
« on: November 11, 2010, 09:26:18 pm »

So, here I am, making a perfectly legitimate fortress in a nice, peaceful... sinister volcano area. Suddenly, a huge wave of vultures comes and steals almost all of my food! "What will I do about this?" I think, utilizing the awesome power of quotation marks to allow me to be lazy and not use italic tags. "That's it! I will build a roof over the little hut where my food is stored! Excellent!"

And so, work begins. However, before this can be finished, yet another (that's right, bold!) wave of Vultures comes flying in, accompanied by the signature major lagspike as they path through and try to find a way in. So, I order my military into the fortress, and the battle begins. It is a great battle, and many great dwarves lose... I dunno... a couple of hours of their day. But not their lives! However, one of the little bastards escapes, flying around. I'm looking around in the open space to find him, finally realizing that it'd be a better idea to check with the unit menu. What do I see?

Vulture        Wild Animal (Caged)

What luck! It had flown into the one cage trap I had bothered to rig up! So, given that it was a volcano, I quickly rigged up something to set an example for all future vultures.


(The notes are for my friends, who are not DF players.)

So, laughing maniacally like the movie villain/dwarf abomination that I now was, I ordered the bridge to be destroyed. But, every time, the dwarf would try to tunnel through from the wrong side! Thinking quickly, I ordered some people to channel the stuff off of the bridge; perhaps breaking that support would knock it out. Proud of my impending victory, I went off to see what dwarves were going to mine it... Unfortunately, a sudden freeze made me miss some of the action. However, through the unit list, I viewed that the vulture had, indeed, perished. What I didn't expect, on the other hand, was...



We honor your sacrifice, Urist McMiner. Die knowing only that your wife does not have to see your final moments, screaming hopelessly in pain as the magma enters your lungs and melting you from the inside out as fire imps begin to feast upon your bones.
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OcelotTango

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2010, 09:35:29 pm »

Yes, you are now officially dwarfy. *High-five*
There are no medals. :(
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Organum

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2010, 09:37:22 pm »

IF YOU WERE TRULY DWARFY THAT SACRIFICE WOULD HAVE BEEN INTENTIONALLLLL

Juust kidding. But seriously. T_T
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If dwarves decided to live in trees like hippies, they'd still do it better than the elves.

Silent_Thunder

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2010, 09:56:36 pm »

I'm sorry, but you haven't earned your beard untill you've created at least 5 diffrent ways to horiffically maim elves.

druid91

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2010, 09:58:27 pm »

Well let's use the checklist shall we?

1. The intended goal was to kill something horribly. Check
2. Magma was used. Check
3. The method was needlessly complicated and dangerous. Check
4. Something went horribly wrong and killed/maimed one of your dwarves as well as the intended target. Check.

Yeah. Congratulations.. Now watch out for the elves.
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The least you could have done was throw down some booze and seasoning. Abyssal Monsters that Creatures of the Light Know Not Of aren't savages, y'know. Sharing's caring.

dogstile

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2010, 09:59:44 pm »

I'm sorry, but you haven't earned your beard untill you've created at least 5 diffrent ways to horiffically maim elves.

Psh, three of those can be done by locking them in a room with a titan. Squished. Thrown. Maimed. The other two are magma and spikes
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my champion is now holding his artifact crossbow by his upper left leg and still shooting with is just fine despite having no hands.
What? He's firing from the hip.

Harudoku

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2010, 10:00:17 pm »

I'm sorry, but you haven't earned your beard untill you've created at least 5 diffrent ways to horiffically maim elves.

Well, let's see.

1) Depot over troubled waters
2) The Old Murder Trap Passage
3) The "That's no moon!" giant orb collapse device (drops a giant ball of obsidian, decorated with wood for irony, onto the elven caravan)
4) Magma
5) More Magma

Does that work?
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Silent_Thunder

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2010, 10:02:25 pm »

You forgot recruit training

Harudoku

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2010, 10:05:15 pm »

You forgot recruit training

Am I the only one who locks all of the recruits in the caverns for three months with two months worth of food and booze and lets out whoever survives?
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Silent_Thunder

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2010, 10:33:41 pm »

You forgot recruit training

Am I the only one who locks all of the recruits in the caverns for three months with two months worth of food and booze and lets out whoever survives?

Yep, booze spoils em.

shadowzfire

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #10 on: November 12, 2010, 01:37:16 am »

No... we don't watch out for the elves, the elves watch out for us. And yes you are dwarfy, another nice dwarven thing is to entrap your trade depot full of elven merchants, let them starve to death and gather their stuff, that way we'd be doing some *serious* trading with the elves.
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Xenos

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2010, 01:47:03 am »

Next make an automated puppy butchering system.
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This is a useful feature..and this is DF.. so im gonna assume its bugged
That's what cages and minecart shotguns are for!  We don't need to control them.  We just need to aim them.
[DWARFINEERING]

lolghurt

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2010, 03:19:24 am »

Next make an automated puppy butchering system.
Preferably one that drops huge amounts of junk into the magma sea.
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Quote from: acetech09 date=1343968486
It's probably made from baby bone, with a handle of baby leather. Probably uses the leg bones wound together for the handle, the pelvis for the handle/pick joint, and the pick is the spine.

But that's all in theory, of course. Not like I've made a pick out of my own 5 month old baby before.

Silent_Thunder

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2010, 10:39:26 am »

Next make an automated puppy butchering system.
Preferably one that drops huge amounts of junk into the magma sea.

No it should fill the depot of starving elves with puppy salsa

Kearn

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Re: Am I dwarfy yet
« Reply #14 on: November 12, 2010, 11:13:40 am »

could've tamed the bird and then threw the entire cage in with a P(i)t designation

lol
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i like goats
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