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[Eagleon]

There's no real and consistant relationship between the two. Internal perception affects the outcome. It can happen that way, if you're associating the release with violence itself and not with the state of self control, but it can as easily happen the other way around.

Saying "Don't hit things or you'll start to want to hit things more" is grossly oversimplifying things. Dealing with your anger requires much more than an outlet, but an outlet is still very useful for those times where you can't think of anything else. If you're angry about something, and you can't help being angry about it, by holding on to it day-to-day you're making all kinds of associations with otherwise neutral situations in your life. That really does lead to more anger, and it colors your interactions with people, making them angry with you.

I guess my point is that there's no quick fixes or "handy tips" for anger issues, and that people should think their situations through carefully, ideally with a psychologist that actually gives a shit/knows what they're doing.

[Soulwynd]

Hm, after reading the answers and to be a bit serious.

I don't think you should ever let anything pass, never ignore anything other people do, unless of course it's a taunt and you're gonna get fucked over. I don't think this is the case you should be violent or vent in violent ways, but you shouldn't let McClueless simply get away with it, even if what he did wasn't on purpose. Use your judgment to figure out what works, even if it's something as simple as displaying your pissed-off-ness for a week or having them get said important bat repaired if that's possible.

As for venting by yelling or punching inanimate things. What is extremely wrong about the article that says it's bad is that it's not addressing the real issue with those fictitious example. They show some moderate stimuli that cause an individual to feel the need to vent in a more aggressive way. That's the real problem. Feeling aggressive towards common daily things, even if they are stressful and frustrating, is the real issue. This is the case where someone needs to relax instead because the cause isn't anger, but stress and that -does- build up. The anger is a result. On the other hand, there are things that happen in life that do require a violent output. Sometimes you need to defend yourself or someone else. Sometimes the news that someone you care about was hurt reach you when you cannot do a thing about it. It's not so wrong to vent in those cases.

[Zrk2]

Pull the special noble lever.... Duh?

[Neonivek]

I don't think you should ever let anything pass, never ignore anything other people do, unless of course it's a taunt and you're gonna get fucked over. I don't think this is the case you should be violent or vent in violent ways, but you shouldn't let McClueless simply get away with it, even if what he did wasn't on purpose. Use your judgment to figure out what works, even if it's something as simple as displaying your pissed-off-ness for a week or having them get said important bat repaired if that's possible

Ahh yes good old "You are the one letting yourself become unhappy through inaction"

[Soulwynd]

If that's how you want to interpret it. =p

[Moogie]

Realise that it is just a carved hunk of wood with no intrinsic value, and move on with life.

[eerr]

Tell him that he damaged the bat, costing you money.

[Soulwynd]

Realise that it is just a carved hunk of wood with no intrinsic value, and move on with life.

So? Nothing has intrinsic value, this isn't DF or a game that has set values for everything. He obviously valued the bat. If anyone -purposefully- damages something/someone -I- value, they sure are in for a beating at least. It wasn't on purpose on his case, so he just has to find a way to deal with it. If you wanna be Buddhist and think that way, sure thing, just don't assume that's the mature or even the right thing to do.

[Frajic]

Tell him that he damaged the bat, costing you money.

Seconding this; sounds like the proper way to deal with it. Correct and satisfying.

Even better, use the money to buy a new bat, so long as it wasn't an unique one.
(also, I seem to have bumped the thread slightly. Sorry about that. At least it was still on the first page.)

[ChairmanPoo]

Realise that it is just a carved hunk of wood with no intrinsic value, and move on with life.

So? Nothing has intrinsic value, this isn't DF or a game that has set values for everything. He obviously valued the bat. If anyone -purposefully- damages something/someone -I- value, they sure are in for a beating at least. It wasn't on purpose on his case, so he just has to find a way to deal with it. If you wanna be Buddhist and think that way, sure thing, just don't assume that's the mature or even the right thing to do.

And you think that looking for a fight is the mature thing to do? Oh boy.

[Neonivek]

If that's how you want to interpret it. =p

I am sort of realising the way I written that it seems more like criticism...

[Soulwynd]

Realise that it is just a carved hunk of wood with no intrinsic value, and move on with life.

So? Nothing has intrinsic value, this isn't DF or a game that has set values for everything. He obviously valued the bat. If anyone -purposefully- damages something/someone -I- value, they sure are in for a beating at least. It wasn't on purpose on his case, so he just has to find a way to deal with it. If you wanna be Buddhist and think that way, sure thing, just don't assume that's the mature or even the right thing to do.

And you think that looking for a fight is the mature thing to do? Oh boy.

Looking for a fight and fighting back are two different things. Maturity has more to do with distinguishing when you should stay back or when you should react. And a little bit with not ignoring clearly emphasized words in the very same phrase you tried to use to refute what I said.

In an imaginary world where we were close friends and we were walking around and someone you had some quarrel hit you and threatened your life in front of me, I'd certainly smack his head against a wall with little to no regard to my life to protect yours and drag his sorry ass to the nearest police station with any witnesses; as I have done before in my life.

If you call maturity letting someone purposefully fuck up with the things you care about, then I would rather be immature and never ever reach your type of maturity.

I am sort of realising the way I written that it seems more like criticism...

I figured that could be it. But the way I meant it had nothing to do with being unhappy because of inaction even tho that's a way to interpret it. It's more of a psychological thing. First, you show people you won't let them get away with things so they cannot, in turn, either abuse you or take you for granted without some sort of consequence. Second, it will hopefully help them become more careful with what they do next time. Sometimes simply showing that you're upset is enough, when person in question cares about you.

[ChairmanPoo]

The crux of the matter is that you are advocating a violent solution as the standard response. This is a very bad (and childish) idea which will only get you in trouble. So really, grow up. There are plenty of other ways of facing problems that don't involve behaving like an angry troglodyte.

[SalmonGod]

My wife has terrible anger issues.  I've personally never been a very angry person.  What I've learned from my time with her is anger appears to be very addictive, and usually a psychological attempt to make up for a lack of control.  It's an empowering emotion.  Something happens that's beyond your control (usually the actions of another) and anger fills you with this powerful energy.  The problem people like my wife run into is their anger takes control and makes them do things they regret, which only makes their lives feel more out of control ("I COULDN'T HELP IT I WAS JUST SO PISSED OFF!") which leads to more anger that is increasingly self-destructive as they get angry at themselves for allowing it to happen.

At some point you just need some raw willpower to fight it down and choose to take a different course of action.  It gets easier the more you do it.  Venting is not a bad idea, so long as you are in control of it.  You are taking that energy and directing it.  It doesn't have to be directed into something constructive.  What's important is that you are able to take control of it.

[cowofdoom78963]

throw a chair