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[Thisfox]

I found books titled:

Reproduction Might Help - *cough* Catsplosion...! *cough* *wheeze*
Animal Embryos Might Help - Well...
The Diseases Of Animals Might Help - Is this a trilogy or something?

Self help books for Dwarves who are starving to death? And then eventually for those Dwarves who survived the starving times who are trying to deal with a population explosion of animals? Or something. I will admit, the titles did make me laugh.

[Nilbert]

In my last fort there seemed to be an issue with weight.  Two artifacts were made called...

Erobot, The Fat Crack, a rock salt figurine of dwarves
Eges Danman, The Persuasions of Heaviness, a gneiss figurine of dwarves

My favorite was a library fort with a series of books following a distinct pattern,

The Student's Predator And Prey Understood, a giant deer parchment quire
Predator and Prey Understood, a giant deer parchment quire
The History of Mating, a nickel silver-bound codex
A Wizard's Guide to Mating, a giant sparrow parchment quire
Misconceptions About Mating, a leopard seal man parchment scroll
The Mystery of Mating, a grey parrot parchment scroll
For the Love of Mating, a manera parchment scroll
Useful Screws, a black bronze-bound codex
Choose Absence, a giant elk parchment quire (did they actually mean abstinence?)
The Study of Nothing, a giant muskox parchment quire
More Nothing, a horse parchment quire
Conversations After the End, a sasquatch parchment quire

I wish I would have checked on the stress levels of the scholars when these books were being written...

In my present fort only one really stands out,

Dodokbiban Ken Noval, Claspballs the Whim of Brides, a green glass portal

Should one enter through the portal or run in fear...

[Eric Blank]

Grab your husband by the balls and hoof it?

[FakerFangirl]

Dodokbiban Ken Noval, Claspballs the Whim of Brides, a green glass portal

Could I buy a copy?

[Nilbert]

Dodokbiban Ken Noval, Claspballs the Whim of Brides, a green glass portal

Could I buy a copy?

It's limited edition, but the appraised rate is 78,000 dwarfbucks.

[ReynTheLord]

Velvetroom the roomy velvety room.

[Vyro]

Let me tell you a story.

Enter Solon Paintedholds, a farmer made historian who authored smashing hits such as
A Humble Offering to Your Own Story
Of Your Own Story
The Devil and Solon Paintedholds
Do We Understand Adventure?
An Introduction to Your Own Story
The Dwarf Ever Onward
all of which were either an egotistic autobiography or a manual how to write those.
In 131 the chase of inspiration drove him to Mirrorveil, a fortress on the verge of a terrifying frozen desert, where dwarf blood rains from the sky and dead never stay so for long.
And there, in great golden library, he wrote his magnum opus.

Master of Mating
This is a well-crafted rose gold-bound codex. The written portion consists of a 1 page manual entitled Master of Mating, authored by Solon Paintedholds. It concerns the reproductive behavior of creatures. The writing artfully indulges the author's fancies. Overall, the prose is passable.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Master Of Mating

Which is actually a musical form played on a dwarven noshtath, shuk and sosmil (which are a leather accordeon, a stone cello and a glass drumset respectively, go figure).

[Intro]

End of working day, partying away
I'm your source of reproduction
Veins that pump with booze, so much stuff to choose
Leading onto bad decision

[Bridge]
Face me you will see
I am all you need
Dedicated to
How the creatures screw

[Ref]
Attend me faster
Enlightened Master
Reason abating
Your life is Mating
Mating

Master of Mating I'm writing the things
Filling your mind and haunting your dreams
Guided by me, you can see everything
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Mating
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Mating

Kittens everywhere, not a dwarf is spared
Flow of time becoming slower
Tails are raised like flags, poultry laying eggs
Hallways teem with feathered creatures

[Bridge]

[Ref]

[Solo]

Master, Master, where's the sense in all you're saying?
Master, Master, you teach how horses bang
Mating, Mating, all I hear or see is mating
Mating, Mating, breeding everywhere

[Another solo]

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
Just a rhyme without a reason
Neverending feast, party like a beast
Now your life is good this season

I will edify
I will help your life
I will write more books
Now I'm leaving you

[Ref]


Disclaimer, this was probably the stupidest thing I've ever written. I'm sorry.

[ReynTheLord]

"The Bloody tears"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W--25T93R0

[Thorfinn]

I see it came up before, but Forest of Fondling. So, naturally, my military squads were named "First Fondlers" and "Fondlers Mark I" and such.

[Nilbert]

Master of Mating
This is a well-crafted rose gold-bound codex. The written portion consists of a 1 page manual entitled Master of Mating, authored by Solon Paintedholds. It concerns the reproductive behavior of creatures. The writing artfully indulges the author's fancies. Overall, the prose is passable.

Wow.  He must be a Master.  One page!

[Staalo]

I just noticed someone in the tavern telling a story about the time when a dwarf whipped up a masterful "...bone scepter for The Massive Gear of Roughcopper."

I wish I could hear the rest of the story.

[ReynTheLord]

RotTen The Number Of One

[Grimlocke]

I am embarking as a member of the dwarf civ... The Lancer of Tightness.

 

[BearTrapTree]

The human outpost liaison just introduced me to some new lord named Emtha Moistenhoist, and his sister, Kashi Beertouched.

[Kyubee]

RotTen The Number Of One

THROW IT ON HIM NOT ME!

Anyways, my weirdest/funniest name, was a glacier called The Molten Ice.

https://gyazo.com/159ae98bb467f75b0fcc29e459c42c1c a screenshot link.

I'm waiting for the day that someone gets a group named The Steel Ball-Run.