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[Flintus10]

Claim I have already spawned from the volcano and destroyed a village of vile and evil kobolds. Tell the priest if he has the gall to ask me to perform more acts then righteous fury shall be brought down upon him.

[Frelock]

Excellent.

Find a suitable beast to ride, and release my mighty carnivorous hoard on the nearest town.

[Humaan]

Recall the note we were left and figure out the logical location of our kobold compatriots...

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

Tell the kobold that we are friends, not food. Also, tell him that if he doesn't kill me we can conquer the village.

[quip]

Ask Epinura where the nearest pool of lava is. Take a bath in it while demanding the villagers give me flammible materials.

[iceball3]

Crap shouldn't i get skill boost?
Oh well.
Challenge the mountain to a duel with only consciousness at stake. Punch him a bunch of times, freeze time, throw ice-needles at him, unfreeze time, and drop a chessboard on him again. Say what you would expect me to say.

[NewsMuffin]

The mountain is female.
It's what I strive for, Biag.
Find some purple robes and a pimp cane.
Walk onto the stage with my fellow kobolds, and tell the humans that my followers have seen the light.

[quip]

The mountain is female.
It's what I strive for, Biag.
Find some purple robes and a pimp cane.
Walk onto the stage with my fellow kobolds, and tell the humans that my followers have seen the light.

...
...
OH god no...
This stuffs gonna cause a shortage of brain bleach!

[NewsMuffin]

My plan is coming into fruition...

[monk12]

This is hilarious.

I am monitoring this thread with intarest.

[Biag]

Turn 6

Four Days Later

Yeah, sorry for the lag on this one, guys. I got a little busy.

Klack (Flintus10)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Claim I have already spawned from the volcano and destroyed a village of vile and evil kobolds. Tell the priest if he has the gall to ask me to perform more acts then righteous fury shall be brought down upon him.

[5] The priest, amusingly enough, died in the last turn. You're off the hook from the peasants, though.

Twi'lek (Frelock)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Attack the town.

[4] You charge towards the nearest town, realize it's under the control of your companions, then hightail it for the second nearest town.

You attack before the militia has a chance to mobilize! [AUTOHIT] Damage Roll: [4]

Town Health: 16/20
Horde Health: 20/20
Your Health: 10/10

Also, you're riding the biggest wild boar you've ever seen.

Derefi (Humaan)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Moar LOGIC

[5+2-1] Holy SHIT! You didn't even have any information to go off of, and you still managed to deduce it! Good job!

A map appears in your head, as well as at the bottom of the post.

Status Effect Removed: Confused

Urist (JacenHan)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Talk to a dead man.

[6] You talk to the kobold, who is dead and behind a horde of zombies. He doesn't respond, but the zombies are so moved by your increasingly adorable pleas for help that they decide to take pity on you. They're not your private army, but they're not gonna eat you either, so that's nice.

Brob (quip)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Bathe in lava.

[3] You ask Epinura, and she points north, north being the direction you came from. You shrug and trudge off in that direction, eventually taking a refreshing lava bath.

Ice (iceball3)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Challenge a fucking MOUNTAIN to a fight, because I am trying to get myself killed.

You attack the mountain. [5] vs. [3] The mountain fails to dodge! You do [5] damage.
The mountain attacks you. [5] vs. [3] You fail to dodge! HOLY SHIT BOULDERS! You take [4]+[3] damage.

The Mountain's health: 995/1000
Your health: -1

You are now dead.
Status Effect Gained: Ghost

Good luck with that.

Jfrible (NewsMuffin)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Walk on stage, explain enlightenment through sex.

[2+2] You leap on stage, do a little spin, and proclaim to the humans that they can be SAVED if they accept your enlightenment! Having just watched the instantaneous immolation of their priest, the humans agree.

You are now faced with a line of villagers, all of them wanting your sex. About half of them are male. About three-quarters of them are ugly.

Your confidence evaporates.

Status Effect Removed: Double Confidence

The General State of Things.

There are now Two discovered villages. The Coastal Fishing Village is under your control. The Village Farther Inland is under siege by Twi'lek's army.

And speaking of armies, the combined Forces Of The Party:
6 kobolds
1 kobold ghost
1 spirit of lava and love
1 zombie
15-25 carnivorous forest creatures; you'd know better, but they're a bit hard to count. All squirming and snarling. You're kind of afraid to stare at them for that long, actually.
35 Civilians
15 Militiamen

Map of the area coming tomorrow, when I'm less exhausted.

[Frelock]

Glorious victory awaits us.

Seduce the humans with my kobold cuteness to distract them from attacking my beasts.  Beasts continue to rip them to shreds.

[Flintus10]

Have half the humans start to build a throne to carry me around on and the other half organise a militia to be my personal guard.

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

Sooo... The kobold is dead. Oh. I thought he was an undead skeletal kobold. Ask the zombies if I can see the map, if they agree, ingrain it into my memory then give it back.

[quip]

Re-enter the village, wait till night time make small traps to annoy the villagers. Declare the traps are signs of the gods disfavour. Demand the villagers gain favour from the gods by joining the Koblods as soldiers/ servants/... what we seem to of been using them for now or to give us Koblods things or to burn thier pssesions as sacrifices. Prefrably all three.