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[squeakyReaper]

I'm calling my own version of Godwin's law the second someone mentions "isn't life the same way".  I'm thinking smaller scale here.  I appreciate the metaphor though!

I'm in college.  Graduating in 2.5 years thanks to the accelerated program.  Virginia, however, isn't known for it's Game Creating population- and that's the degree I'm going for.  So odds are I'm moving to Maryland, Washington, Pittsburgh...  not near here.  I suppose Maryland isn't far, but I digress.  My girlfriend is 15 and, say, four fifths.  So by the time I graduate, she'll be going onto college.  However, I doubt that a newly 18'd woman will willingly go and move away from home in an instant.  Especially since she has a wonderful relationship with her family, they'd kill to keep her there.

This means that in two and a half years - assuming that we last that long, but I like to be optimistic - there are over whelming odds at play here.  There is an outstanding chance that we'll have to break up at that time.  And since it would have been a three year relationship, odds are we wouldn't be at a casual level; it would probably hurt quite a lot to break up in that situation.  Indeed, there is that small chance that she'll willingly be pried from her family to pursue a boyfriend's whim, and risk pretty much everything in her life over a fling, but I doubt it.  That's a severe way of putting it, but that's how I'm looking at it.

That being said, I do love her.  We have a lot of fun together, she's pretty cool and all, and I enjoy her company.  Her friends and I get along, she likes most of the things I like (don't mention Dwarf Fortress to her though, as she'll get lost and irritated quickly), and it's fun.  But looking towards what future we have is...  well, there's not much.  I've been told to expect this, since teenage love pretty much never works out.  I've never been in a three year relationship, and breaking up with someone after only nine months put me into a depressed state last time, so setting this up for failure really is going to hurt.

What's your take on it?  Enjoy it while it lasts, knowing it won't?  Or try and hermit my way out of it until I do move, and try to grasp at something more lasting?  My take on it, despite all the pessimism I've put into this post, is that I do want to have fun for a few years, so I'm not going to break up with her regardless of what anyone else says here...  but I do want to get it out of my system, and assure myself that I'm not being too emo-y about it.

That, and I can't have sex with her.  Yay Virginia laws.  xD

[smigenboger]

Sounds like you may be able to buy alcohol before she's even eighteen. That age gap is a little much for me.

Do you really want to miss out on those college parties?

[squeakyReaper]

Ah, is it worth saying I'm 18?  The age gap is 2 years and 8 months.  So yeah, I'll be hitting 21 four months before her birthday.  Not that I'm one for alcohol.

And our college doesn't have parties.  Oddly enough, I am the only 18 year old here that I've met.  Everyone else is ranged between 20 and forty.  No dorms as well.

[Vector]

Don't just keep her around for kicks if you're actively planning on dumping her when you graduate.  That's cruel.

If I were you, I'd talk to her about the problem and see what she feels, rather than discussing your mutual future on a public forum.  Don't preemptively make the choice for her.  She needs the right to decide, as you reserve yours.

[Retro]

So, if I'm reading you right, you are considering breaking up with her now because you're afraid that in three years you'll be forced to break up from a much more serious state in the relationship? Honestly I think that if you stay together that whole time it's unlikely she's going to just say "well, I'm going to pick my family over you, bye." If you do manage to last through the whole time, that's an incredibly strong relationship - but I have my doubts, mostly because she's 15 and has a lot of life and growing up to experience all crammed into the end of high school, plus that three years is a looong time in which who knows what can change. I agree that you ought to discuss it with her, but I'm also backing the option of continuing on with the relationship and letting things come to a natural conclusion.

[squeakyReaper]

Don't just keep her around for kicks if you're actively planning on dumping her when you graduate.  That's cruel.

I'm not planning to dump her.  There's just a lot in the way, or at least that's how I perceive it.  I've tried a long distance relationship before (twice, heh) and they really did not work out.  Neither of them started close though, so that could very well have something to do with it.  But no, I'm not planning on it failing.  I'm anticipating it.

Don't preemptively make the choice for her.  She needs the right to decide, as you reserve yours.

I'm not trying to make her choice for her.  My choice, like I said, is to stay with her if only to try for something.  If she decides to break up with me in the mean time, then sadly it'll come to that.  But imma actively do whatever I can to stay with her for the next few years - I really do love her and all.

So, if I'm reading you right, you are considering breaking up with her now because you're afraid that in three years you'll be forced to break up from a much more serious state in the relationship?

That's pretty accurate.  I'm a bit anxious, y'know?  Well, more than a bit.

I agree that you ought to discuss it with her, but I'm also backing the option of continuing on with the relationship and letting things come to a natural conclusion.

I'm thinking this is definitely my best bet here.  It's what gives me the most peace of mind, at least.

I don't think I'm going to discuss it with her just yet though.  It feels a bit....  I dunno, heavy to kick around.  We've been dating for four months now, and talking about something two years in to the future does not sound like a good idea at the moment.  Perhaps in a few months, or maybe even a full year.  Making plans that see that far sounds like I'm trying to control the relationship, which is something I'd like to avoid.  Especially with her personality.

[Vector]

...

If you've only been dating for four months, and she's 15, and you're 18, then I'd stop worrying about your love coming to an end in two and a half years due to distance constraints.  Thinking that far ahead at your age is just silly.

[squeakyReaper]

Exactly, I know it's silly.  I just know it's gonna happen.  I worry about things, it's what I do.  For the most part the only reason I posted this is to see if this sort of situation is uncommon; where you know the odds are pretty heavy.

Either way, I was just pondering it.  I won't let it get in the way of anything.

[Sir Pseudonymous]

She's under 18, you live in fucking Virginia, and plan to move away the instant it's no longer considered 100% actual rape if you so much as look at her a few seconds too long.

[squeakyReaper]

I plan to move when I graduate.  Which UNFORTUNATELY eclipses at the same time she turns 18.  Sucks.

[sonerohi]

I don't even have my usual brand of flippant idiocy here. I mean... dude... just wow.

[squeakyReaper]

So I'm guessing the forum's general consensus is "I'm a prick"/teenagers are doomed anyways?

[Kogan Loloklam]

You are still fairly young. To the young, everything has to happen "in the now", but you never really live there.
You are planning for sex, you are planning for graduating, you are planning for moving out.
Why not take a step back and enjoy the now. You have a girl you love to spend time with. So what if it'll hurt later to break up with her, she could die tomorrow and you'd have spent today worrying about what will never happen. Enjoy what you got while you got it.

[Vector]

So I'm guessing the forum's general consensus is "I'm a prick"/teenagers are doomed anyways?

I wouldn't say that teenagers are doomed.  My opinion is that if you want this to have a chance at success, you should think more short-term and just see if you continue to enjoy yourselves.

At four months of dating, you're still awash in a stew of hormones.  It doesn't really count as love until you've left happy-hormone-land and manage to be satisfied with one another despite arguments and the other people you meet.  If you make it through that, you probably should manage the 2.5-year-mark fairly easily; but once again, both of you have a lot of maturing, changing, and developing to do.  Your personalities haven't stabilized.  In all likelihood, you'll go off somewhere, return, and discover that she just seems too much younger.  Or maybe you'll go out into the real world and find that you can't handle both trying to get a foothold on life and a steady girlfriend.  Who knows?  There's a lot more failure modes that you haven't taken into account.

After a certain point, rationality is so limited by the emotion of a moment that you might as well be insane.  So if I were you, I'd enjoy what you have while you have it, but not be too surprised if it disappears at some point.


Or, you know, you could reconsider your plans and make some sacrifices for the happiness of the girl you love and theoretically want to stay forever with.


Or you could just go live life, worry less, and see what happens.

[G-Flex]

I concur with most of the above. It's a young relationship, you're young, and your girlfriend is even younger. The age gap is significant, but the most significant part is that you're in college and she's in high school, meaning you've gone through a major life change that she hasn't, and won't for 2-3 years.

You can't think too far into the future, certainly not far enough to say "the odds are against me, so I should quit now". The odds are against most relationships, but we still go through with it because that's the only way to get anything done.

Also, in 2-3 years, your relationship WILL have changed, and you CAN'T predict how. In other words, you have no idea where you two will be by then, so just do the best you can and don't worry so much about it. I know not worrying is difficult, but try to beat it into your head that you simply do not have any of the information required, and can't, and that worrying too much will actively screw you over by affecting how you go about the relationship in the first place.