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[Sean Mirrsen]

Alright, took a stab at the 1-1 comic. Merged consecutive dialogue and shrunk it down to 4 panels.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Good enough? As long as you don't expect me to keep up with your storywriting speed, I should be able to manage.

edit: added whatever else I converted of the comic. Yeah, I'm not too good for consistent character or object design (very clearly visible with the ship in a few neighboring panels), but I'm not quite a pro artist myself yet, so...

[Eugenitor]

Oh my Satan that FACE in the bottom right will haunt my nightmares. Tempted to make it my avatar.

[Dasleah]

good lord words words words words

[Sean Mirrsen]

Added second half of 1-2.

[Enzo]

Please DO critique

Sure, I'm in the mood. I'll stick to comments on the writing, since you already have a realistic grasp of the art quality. Based on the most recent versions of the first three, as I read them:

10,000 seems like a really small number of people to buy a habitable planet, but OK.
Terraforming is one word.
"Alright, a quick review of the situation" = immediately recognizable shorthand for "Alright, here's some exposition. Let's restate something all the characters already know."
Why hasn't anyone heard from the planet for 32 years if it's a few weeks travel away?
Dudes text is changing colour. Although I guess that's an art comment? Never mind.
Missing a period there after "Bring us in".
On a planetary scale, 20 miles doesn't sound well away from a storm that is visible from space.
Honestly, I guess this is an art comment again, but I have no idea what is happening in 1-3 besides the fact that they crash-land.

Also, I have to agree with the previous opinions that there's been really nothing so far to indicate this should be a comic rather than pure prose. Although it's admittedly way too early to make that call, but the style doesn't seem to be tailored very well to comic format.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Even with my art efforts thrown in? Comics are a great medium, and make far more exciting action scenes.

I agree on the "Let's review the situation" bit, but the reader has to be briefed on the events of the story somehow. Can you suggest a better way? Exposition isn't bad, and in this case it isn't glaringly out-of-place, either.

And yeah, 20 miles is way too close on a planetary scale, but I suppose that's the whole point. "Not too close, but not too far".

[Blargityblarg]

I think maybe a narrator section at the beginning to give the setting might work, though you'd have to work out some other method of introducing the characters. However, this way isn't really introducing the characters either, so that might not be an issue.

[Enzo]

Even with my art efforts thrown in? Comics are a great medium, and make far more exciting action scenes.

Oh hey, I'm all for comics as a medium, don't get me wrong. But he says he's never even read a proper comic. Honestly it sort of shows. Writing for a comic is different than writing straight text, and the style here is already leaning towards to latter. I think the question needs to be raised, why is this in comic form at all? And I wasn't addressing your renditions, for the record, just the OP's latest versions.

I agree on the "Let's review the situation" bit, but the reader has to be briefed on the events of the story somehow. Can you suggest a better way? Exposition isn't bad, and in this case it isn't glaringly out-of-place, either.

Well, I thought it was glaringly out-of-place, but mostly because it was jammed hamfistedly into the first couple pages. Doing exposition organically is tricky and I thought it was worth pointing out he wasn't succeeding here.

And yeah, 20 miles is way too close on a planetary scale, but I suppose that's the whole point. "Not too close, but not too far".

I'm willing to concede this one since it's apparently important that they get caught it the storm, and plot devices can be justified by the resulting plot. Just struck me as kind of a bad move since the storm takes up about an 1/8th of the planets surface.

Not trying to be a dick here, but he asked for critique so I thought I'd bite.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Even with my art efforts thrown in? Comics are a great medium, and make far more exciting action scenes.

Oh hey, I'm all for comics as a medium, don't get me wrong. But he says he's never even read a proper comic. Honestly it sort of shows. Writing for a comic is different than writing straight text, and the style here is already leaning towards to latter. I think the question needs to be raised, why is this in comic form at all? And I wasn't addressing your renditions, for the record, just the OP's latest versions.

Well, I did read some comics, quite recently in fact - the whole of Incredible Hulk's "Planet Hulk" and "World War Hulk" story arcs. I'll try to fix whatever glaring errors he has in the future.

[Fikes]

I think those are good critiques. I didn't like the "lets review the situation" either, but often times professionals do review a their objective before begining, and for something as important and dangerous as re-entry, it isn't a terrible idea.

The idea here is that no one has heard from the planet because the planet doesn't want anyone to communicate with it. There is a reason for that. I still think the critique is valid, I'll re-write that section and start posting some others, or at least sending them to Sean.

[Sean Mirrsen]

So, repost of everything done so far.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I felt the 1-3 strip was a little... lacking, so I spruced it up with a few details. I hope the author won't mind.

[Fikes]

I'd like to let this topic run a couple more days to see if there is any other feed back, then ditch it and start one without the clutter of Fikes fale.

When we kick that thread off I'll try to incorporate the feedback I got from here. If anyone has anything to add about Sean's drawing or my writing, make it known.

[G-Flex]

I honestly don't know how you've determined that this story would be best as a comic if you've never read comics, don't know how to lay them out, and presumably don't really know how to write for them.

[Fikes]

I honestly don't know how you've determined that this story would be best as a comic if you've never read comics, don't know how to lay them out, and presumably don't really know how to write for them.

I wish you'd offer some specifics. Can you give me an example that does it better or tell me what I am doing wrong? I'll elimate the wall-o-text cell and make it less obvious when I am giving history the characters should know.

There was a comic I used to read called "Gone with the Blast Wave". It was really good. I would not have followed that comic in a text format. The pictures make the setting and the setting is going to become more and more important in this story.

[Sean Mirrsen]

It's hard, for me at least, to exactly point out what is wrong. The premise itself will lend itself well to a comic, but the story needs to be properly presented. Exposition speeches and "as you know"s need better veiling than in literature, individual panels shouldn't contain excessive amounts of dialogue, but that's about it for the errors so far.

I would like to ask the people here to critique my interpretation of the comic, so I can see if my judgement of what's supposed to be in a comic is acceptably correct. Even though I read quite a few webcomics, I'm still not much for imitation of such concepts.