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[Dorten]

This isn't going to be fun.

You got it wrong. It IS going to be FUN!

Well, Obstacle course is just an obstacle course, thinks Dorten. Can't be THAT bad, anyway.
Go there

[Blackdutchie]

I ride the nearest 4-legged animal that measures above my belly button into the forest, in search of ancient mushrooms. (or trolls)

[Ottofar]

I, Olaf, start a dark ritual, trying to add soul stealing power to my rapier.

[ExKirby]

Grab the heaviest thing that I can wield as a weapon, then wear my banner as a cloak.

[Jack A T]

TURN 3

I trek off in the direction of the zoo. (Not much else I can do at this point)

You reach the zoo.  It is closed.  The gates are locked.  You see a few guards searching the zoo, for some reason.

I go to the auction house and look for a gay curator (There MUST be one). I ask him about the trophy.

[1] You go off to the auction house, hit on every curator you can find (badly, to be exact), and eventually get kicked out for some reason.

Well, Obstacle course is just an obstacle course, thinks Dorten. Can't be THAT bad, anyway.
Go there

You manage to get to the obstacle course.  It seems to consist of one big pit with a bunch of logs, poles, and spikes in it, with ramps on two opposite sides.

I ride the nearest 4-legged animal that measures above my belly button into the forest, in search of ancient mushrooms. (or trolls)

[4] You steal some farmer's donkey.  Said farmer yells at you and grabs a pitchfork.  [1] The donkey refuses to budge.

I, Olaf, start a dark ritual, trying to add soul stealing power to my rapier.

[2+2] You start a loud dark ritual in the alley.  One of the guards leaves the tavern, glances at you, and draws his sword.

Grab the heaviest thing that I can wield as a weapon, then wear my banner as a cloak.

You find...your hatchet.  You start wearing your banner as an awesome inspirational revolutionary cloak.

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)

Dorten
Name: Dorten
Song: Не стреляй
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Slingshots (1), Sneaking (1), Knives (1)
Equipment: Army Uniform, Slingshot and ammo, Knife
History: You joined the kingdom's army a few months ago, taking advantage of your natural talent at hunting.  You've gotten sick of the killing.  Your conscience is getting in the way, so you have decided to leave the army, through whatever methods required, and go back to your nice, peaceful home in Mopcreek.
Mission: Leave Army, Go Home

Ottofar
Name: Olaf
Song: Sympathy for the Devil
Race: Humanish
Gender: M
Skills: Soul-Stealing (1), Swords (1), Blood/Soul Magic (2), Disguise (2), Sandwichmaking (-6)
Equipment: Ritual supplies, guard uniform, rapier, 4 empty soul storage gems, 1 full soul storage gem
History: You are secretly a worshipper of the Devil.  So...yeah.  You joined the guards to look nice, get combat training, and gain the ability to break in to peoples' houses more easily.  You know how to bring powerful evils to the world through the use of blood and souls.  What you don't know is how to make a sandwich.  That won't matter much, however, when Mopcreek is destroyed.
Mission: Destroy Mopcreek

Blackdutchie
Name: Ulli
Song: Ursvamp - Fintroll
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Wilderness Lore (1), Knives (1), Sneaking (1)
Equipment: Light clothing, hunting knife, donkey
History: You are one of the mayor's own adventurers.  The mayor is horribly sick.  You have been sent to locate an ancient mushroom thought to be the only cure for the mayor's disease.  The mushroom is thought to be guarded by trolls.  Good luck.
Mission: Bring mushroom to mayor

Sheb
Name:Sheb
Song: Ding ding dong
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Seduction (5), Brawling (1), Sneaking (-4), Weaponized Seduction (1)
Equipment: Clothing
History: You are officially the most attractive man in Mopcreek.  You have slept with more women than you can count.  One of them stole your priceless Most Attractive Man in Mopcreek trophy.
Mission: Recover the trophy

ExKirby
Name: Alexander
Song: Holiday
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Axes (1), Stealth (1), Persuasion (1)
Equipment: Clothing, hatchet, bandages, inspiring revolutionary banner/cloak (+1 to persuading rebels)
History: You have become tired of the mayor's incompetence.  You are tired of watching him send adventurers to die.  You're angry.  Angry enough to start a rebellion.
Mission: Rebel, kill the mayor

Lemunde
Name: Kane
Song: God of Wind
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Maces (1), Stealth (-1), Wilderness Lore (1)
Equipment: Leather armor, bone mace, magic mushrooms
History: You are a berserker from a clan that lives near Mopcreek.  While hallucinating, you saw a vision of a bear.  Said bear claimed that you could become a god of wind by killing it and wearing it.  Unfortunately, the only bear in the surrounding area is in the Mopcreek zoo.
Mission: Kill and loot bear, escape

[Ottofar]

I run away. Wait.
Did I have time to enchant my blade?

[Blackdutchie]

I ride away, into the wilderness!

[ExKirby]

Take to the streets and form a rebellion!

[Lemunde]

I walk up to one of the guards, ask what it is they're searching for and ask if I can help. (Could be an easy way into the zoo)

[Jack A T]

I run away. Wait.
Did I have time to enchant my blade?

Not quite.  If you continue the ritual right now, you might be able to finish, but that would be a risky move.

[Dorten]

Find someone in charge and ask, what needs to be done to complete the course (like, where to enter and where to exit)

[Sheb]

Make a few poster stating that I'll sleep with anybody giving me my trophy back and moderatly attractive.

[Ottofar]

I'll continue. Also:
"What seems to be the problem, officer?"

[Jack A T]

TURN 4

I ride away, into the wilderness!

[2] The donkey starts walking as slowly as possible toward the wilderness. The farmer, however, charges you with a pitchfork.  You attempt to maneuver out of the way. [4] vs. [2]: The farmer, however, is faster than the donkey.  There is now a nice stab wound in your right leg.  Not much of a stab wound, with how dull the fork is, but still rather problematic.

Take to the streets and form a rebellion!

You go off to a street with a few people on it, and yell out messages of rebellion. [2+1] The people seem rather bored, but a few seem to be listening.  Nobody seems enthusiastic, though.

I walk up to one of the guards, ask what it is they're searching for and ask if I can help. (Could be an easy way into the zoo)

[6] You SMASH OPEN THE LOCK WITH YOUR PINKY! You charge into the zoo, and ask the biggest, burliest-looking guard about what they're searching for.  Obviously frightened, he tells you about an Official Mayoral Zoo Visit about to occur, and that they're searching for traps.

Find someone in charge and ask, what needs to be done to complete the course (like, where to enter and where to exit)

You are told to enter on either side, exit on the other side, and not die.  Those are the entirety of the directions.

Make a few poster stating that I'll sleep with anybody giving me my trophy back and moderatly attractive.

[1] You somehow manage to forget to sign the posters.  Or even write on them.  The posters quickly prove to be useless.

I'll continue. Also:
"What seems to be the problem, officer?"

[6] You manage to finish the ritual perfectly, leaving the sword ready for combat.  It seems a bit unstable, though...
The officer reminds you that you are carrying out illegal rituals and murder in the city, and that these happen to be illegal.  The murder of one of the mayor's agents is particularly illegal.  Said officer attempts to grab and subdue you. [1] vs [6] He incompetently fumbles, and you counterattack by slashing him in the neck  He dies quickly, and his soul is sucked into one of your soul gems.  Bam.

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)

Dorten
Name: Dorten
Song: Не стреляй
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Slingshots (1), Sneaking (1), Knives (1)
Equipment: Army Uniform, Slingshot and ammo, Knife
History: You joined the kingdom's army a few months ago, taking advantage of your natural talent at hunting.  You've gotten sick of the killing.  Your conscience is getting in the way, so you have decided to leave the army, through whatever methods required, and go back to your nice, peaceful home in Mopcreek.
Mission: Leave Army, Go Home

Ottofar
Name: Olaf
Song: Sympathy for the Devil
Race: Humanish
Gender: M
Skills: Soul-Stealing (1), Swords (1), Blood/Soul Magic (2), Disguise (2), Sandwichmaking (-6)
Equipment: Ritual supplies, guard uniform, soul-stealing rapier (unstable), 3 empty soul storage gems, 2 full soul storage gems
History: You are secretly a worshipper of the Devil.  So...yeah.  You joined the guards to look nice, get combat training, and gain the ability to break in to peoples' houses more easily.  You know how to bring powerful evils to the world through the use of blood and souls.  What you don't know is how to make a sandwich.  That won't matter much, however, when Mopcreek is destroyed.
Mission: Destroy Mopcreek

Blackdutchie
Name: Ulli
Song: Ursvamp - Fintroll
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Wilderness Lore (1), Knives (1), Sneaking (1)
Equipment: Light clothing, hunting knife, donkey
History: You are one of the mayor's own adventurers.  The mayor is horribly sick.  You have been sent to locate an ancient mushroom thought to be the only cure for the mayor's disease.  The mushroom is thought to be guarded by trolls.  Good luck.
Mission: Bring mushroom to mayor
Injuries: Light right leg wound (bleeding)

Sheb
Name:Sheb
Song: Ding ding dong
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Seduction (5), Brawling (1), Sneaking (-4), Weaponized Seduction (1)
Equipment: Clothing
History: You are officially the most attractive man in Mopcreek.  You have slept with more women than you can count.  One of them stole your priceless Most Attractive Man in Mopcreek trophy.
Mission: Recover the trophy

ExKirby
Name: Alexander
Song: Holiday
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Axes (1), Stealth (1), Persuasion (1)
Equipment: Clothing, hatchet, bandages, inspiring revolutionary banner/cloak (+1 to persuading rebels)
History: You have become tired of the mayor's incompetence.  You are tired of watching him send adventurers to die.  You're angry.  Angry enough to start a rebellion.
Mission: Rebel, kill the mayor

Lemunde
Name: Kane
Song: God of Wind
Race: Human
Gender: M
Skills: Maces (1), Stealth (-1), Wilderness Lore (1)
Equipment: Leather armor, bone mace, magic mushrooms
History: You are a berserker from a clan that lives near Mopcreek.  While hallucinating, you saw a vision of a bear.  Said bear claimed that you could become a god of wind by killing it and wearing it.  Unfortunately, the only bear in the surrounding area is in the Mopcreek zoo.
Mission: Kill and loot bear, escape

[Dorten]

So... Throw a rock into the obstacle course. Then throw a kitten into the obstacle course. Then lure an elephant (a dog, if no elephants are in the vicinity) into the obstacle course. Then carefully try to enter, making one step at a time and looking for moving parts.

I suppose, that Dorten doesn't have problem with killing animals, being a talented huner and such?