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[LordBaal]

Exactly, let's not be assholes about this.

[None]

So considerate. None would want to end up the butt of the joke.

You know me so well Q_Q

[Egan_BW]

I bet that apology was just to butter us up for more puns.

[pisskop]

Maybe he was just feeling out the situation.

My advice is to confront them next time.  You may or may not make a public scene of it, or pull them aside.  But make it clear that youre not interested nor comfortable with it.

Give them the benefit this time, maybe dont hug them next time so they know it made you uncomfortable.  the issue in my head is that you are better off addressing it when it happens, like you would with a dog or cat.
_Sometimes_ accidents happen.  And _sometimes_ its exaggerated in our minds.  Every guy who read too much out of a friendly gesture or girl who hung onto a compliment for far too long knows.

[None]

I dunno man, the situation is usually somewhere above the waist.

[Rolan7]

Don't touch people's butts unless you know it'll be okay

Don't expect them to patiently explain the concept of personal space and request that you desist butt-touching

I get that flirting can be really tricky, but jumping ahead to physical contact is weird.  Even when it's welcome it's still very disrespectful.
Now that serious time is over:
Y'all are getting *dinner* for butt-touches?  Lucky!

[hops]

Confuse everyone by taking the girlfriend out for dinner.

That would be awesomely funny. Also just for information, does he does this repeatedly or generally with other people or was something else? It's not uncommon here on some sports, specially baseball to cheer team members with a slap on a buttock. But never heard of it on any martial arts, it would be weird because martial arts generally mean respect, limits and boundaries so it would be really out of place.

Also iirc Vector is nonbinary and likely not a dude and I'm fairly sure butt touching is only platonic-coded if you're the same gender.

[Vector]

Guys hug guys while placing their hands on the other man's buttock? Like, resting fully on his ass cheek, as though acquiring a palmful? While living with another dude and having sex on the regular?

gaaaaaaay

[Vector]

Maybe he was just feeling out the situation.

I'm sure he was feeling out my ass the situation. But honestly? I had just told him to invite his girlfriend over to my place next time and I would make them dinner. Because earlier in the night he had put his hand on my hip and I wanted to send him a clear signal to that ambiguous contact that I wasn't going to do something behind the girlfriend's back.

He escalated by butt-touching while I was wearing a backpack and did not say e.g. whoops or make any sign of recognizing he was touching my butt. Yes, duh-doy, don't hug him next time. And also next time I shall wear even less appealing clothes than my worn-out T-shirt and work slacks on an out-of-shape post-COVID body. And escalate as my mother told me to by holding eye contact because butt touching is for STRAIGHT MEN uwu and thank GOD a straight man wants to touch queer Veckle's personal bits, cuz maybe ~that'll fix 'em~.

BUT ALSO MY ASS IS NOT PUBLIC PROPERTY HOLY SHIT

PSA if you have a girlfriend you're living with acquiring someone else's "firm globes" after going out as friends is like, not kosher. And no that isn't normal in martial arts??? Seriously guys?

[heydude6]

I wanted to send him a clear signal to that ambiguous contact that I wasn't going to do something behind the girlfriend's back.

He escalated by butt-touching while I was wearing a backpack and did not say e.g. whoops or make any sign of recognizing he was touching my butt.

If I'm reading this right, then it looks like this is the second time he's done this, despite you already making it clear to him how you feel.

I'm sure you already know this, but I think that's enough evidence to cut him out. You don't know how far he's willing to go and even if you did, you can only prosecute these types of crimes after they happened, and even then not very successfully.

If you still want to give him a chance for some reason, a good line to use is "What are you doing?"  with an angry tone next time he crosses a boundary. If that doesn't turn his face white with shame and embarrassment, then you know things are fucked.

[Kagus]

I'm not sure that inviting him and his girlfriend for dinner is a clear enough signal for him to back off. Things like that get sometimes interpreted as an invitation for the individual to come over, and to ditch the partner through intentional scheduling conflicts. Because "oh whoops, well I'm going anyway to this innocent tryst which you know is innocent because you were originally invited too!"

This isn't a failing on your part, it's a failing on his part to read frickin' anything.


Unfortunately mimicking the behavior to show how it's wrong doesn't tend to have the desired effect, because goosing him in return would be a funny idea to visualize (two wrongs don't make a right, but they do make for entertaining daydreams).


All in all, yeah, I agree with heydude6. Call him out on it, bluntly and directly, if you do decide to go the route of spending time with them at all.

[martinuzz]

Yeah you are in your full right for calling him out on this. Up to you if you do that with or without his girlfriend present to overhear it.

"I do not appreciate you grabbing my butt. For real."
 
".. but, but"

"No buts".

[LordBaal]

Oh I see we are back to the jokes... that's really immature you know, but instead of getting angry, I shall turn my other cheek.

[martinuzz]

Well, the first part of my post was actually serious

[Ulfarr]

I wanted to send him a clear signal to that ambiguous contact that I wasn't going to do something behind the girlfriend's back.

Dude be like:



_{(I wouldn't rule out that that's what he is thinking)}