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[methylatedspirit]

Last night, I heard that there do exist people who want a toxic relationship. Surely those people have a kink for BDSM or something (not quite that far, but in that general direction), because I cannot imagine seriously wanting to be in a legitimately toxic relationship rather than just a kinky one. Do those people exist? Am I being fucked with? As far as "worrying things people have said to me" goes, that's damn high on the list if it's true.

[pisskop]

some people dont know how to exist without one, if thats what you mean.

Some people want more control, and feel that having abusive or lop-sided relationships are how you do that.

Some people want more of the same, and their insecurities prevent them from taking the extra effort or responsibility of finding a healthier relationship.

[Kagus]

And, presumably, some people do have BDSM-related leanings but they're not familiar enough with BDSM or their own sexuality to recognize those needs and to approach them in a safe and healthy manner.


That said... There really are all sorts of people. *shrug*

[scriver]

Some of them want to abuse you.

Some of them want to be abused.

[LordBaal]

Sweet dreams are made of this.

Who am I to disagree?

[Kagus]

I like trains.

[delphonso]

I like turtles

[Frumple]

I like turtles

People tell me they're tasty.

Don't know myself, I don't think I ever got around to eating any. Helped cook it before, but didn't eat it.

[scriver]

I like the practicality of it the most

When you make turtle soup, they come with their own bowl

[delphonso]

some people dont know how to exist without one, if thats what you mean.

Some people want more control, and feel that having abusive or lop-sided relationships are how you do that.

Some people want more of the same, and their insecurities prevent them from taking the extra effort or responsibility of finding a healthier relationship.

Yeah, honestly, I was this way in University. My early relationships had been very unhealthy and I didn't know what a "good" relationship should look like. I got scared when I dated a girl who actually respected me and I eventually fled the relationship looking for thinner ice, so to speak.

I wouldn't say a toxic relationship was what I wanted, as meth's original point suggested. But I was drawn to them and repelled by healthy relationships for a bit because it was all I knew. Luckily I got over that by talking openly about it with friends and seeing good examples of healthy relationships among my friends.

[LordBaal]

Yup, people think they need someonelse to be happy. You can be happier with someone else, that is true, but the basics of happines comes only from you and no one else.

It migth sound absurd coming from me because surely I dont sound much joyful here most of the time. But that is another mistake people makes.

Joy and happiness are different things. People can be joyful for a while or all the time but still be unhappy. People can be sober, serious and even grim but still be happy. Dont know how to explain this better.

[methylatedspirit]

Yup, people think they need someonelse to be happy. You can be happier with someone else, that is true, but the basics of happines comes only from you and no one else.

I heard something similar from a Youtuber. He basically said that you can't be an "empty" person and then expect others to love you for it. If anything, it's unreasonable. You need to have something in your life that makes you happy before you can seek out relationships. You have to be happy with yourself first, to paraphrase what LordBaal said, before you decide to let others join you on your ride through life.

My own opinion expands on that. (Romantic) relationships shouldn't be your main goal in life, and I think it's bad that they're sorta promoted as such in pop culture. It shouldn't be something you chase just because you think it'll solve all your problems. It won't. Even if you have one, it doesn't inherently make you a better person for it, and you don't get the right to criticize others who don't want them for whatever reason. Of course, I say this as someone who hasn't had a relationship ever, so I'm probably wrong somewhere.

[MrRoboto75]

I can stave off the want/need for companionship for a while but it always ends up back to haunt me.  Of course then I try to do something about it, inevitably fail, and cause myself a lot of pain.  Then I go "I don't want to deal with this" and the cycle continues.

[LordBaal]

Meth you are rigth. Ones goal in life is deeply subjective.

In general terms I think we should try at least to leave a better place than we came into, and beyond that anything goes as long is not hurting other people.

[pisskop]

casual relationships are how ive lived my life.

which is ironic because now i want something more permanent.  and i cant find it.