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[Reelya]

Jeez, #NotAlwaysRight

Working on a case where an agent of a large national company just got called by some woman, "put me through to Bob, he's handling my case" (real name changed, still the actual name is a very common first name). The girl then tries to ask her some questions to work out who she is, and who / which department she's after, i.e. who the hell Bob is (literally there are two possible countries he could be in). The caller then goes super-Helen and starts complaining "Why should I give you my information, Bob's handling my case, he knows who I am! Put me through to Bob!"

Now, part of my job is to take this bit of random call and try and work out who's calling and connect some dots related to the accounts we have. It's kind of fun sometimes, need to take bits of information and do a bit of sleuthing to try and narrow it down.

[JoshuaFH]

Is Helen a variant of Karen?

[MrRoboto75]

Is Helen a variant of Karen?

She's like Karen but a little more Greek

[Frumple]

Amateur data forensics, basically, yeah? Comes up where I'm working occasionally (have fun finding a book in a library when all you have is the barcode and relative location information ), and it's indeed lowkey interesting (when it isn't wildly time consuming and frustrating, anyway, ha). Can't imagine having someone hollering at you during the process helps any, though.

[Reelya]

Sorry I must have been very tired when I wrote that, I meant Karen. Long day at work after getting almost no sleep last night.

Amateur data forensics, basically, yeah? Comes up where I'm working occasionally (have fun finding a book in a library when all you have is the barcode and relative location information ), and it's indeed lowkey interesting (when it isn't wildly time consuming and frustrating, anyway, ha). Can't imagine having someone hollering at you during the process helps any, though.

Well the main job is about something else (making sure people with medical needs such as ventilators are identified in case of power outtages), but sometimes someone just mumble their details into the phone and you got half a name and know they live at 39 <unitelligible> drive in <mumblesville>, so that bit requires a bit of lateral thinking and guesswork. A bit like a cryptic puzzle sometimes.

[methylatedspirit]

The guy who called me handsome is now saying that the girls have crushes on me. Again, the fuck. You see, as a simplifying and fundamental assumption, I assumed that no-one would ever be attracted to me when I was building my social system from scratch years ago. I figured that no-one would want my potato ass, and it worked with enough accuracy throughout high school that I was confident that it wouldn't need changes.

Now this guy's saying something that, if true, contradicts the social model on a fundamental level. This means the model must now change. Of course, I've ignored this shit for years, assuming that it doesn't exist, so I really don't know where to start. I'm at the point where, internally, I'm in headless chicken mode, going "What the fuck does this mean?!". I've been attracted to people before, but I don't think I've ever seriously considered the idea that others are attracted to me. I've had... fantasies, yes, but on an intellectual level? No.

Of course, then, what does it mean for someone to have a crush on me? Previous data (of me crushing on others) would indicate an unusually-positive view of the person being crushed on relative to "background" levels. There's a higher error rate talking to crushes than non-crushes, so looser tolerances (as if my tolerances aren't loose enough) are needed. Asking why they want me would likely yield a confused response; I've crushed on others hard, and I have no goddamn clue why I do. I've tried. You may as well try making a Turing machine that decides if another Turing machine will halt or go on forever. It'd be easier.

What I really want is raw data, because I enjoy playing with it, even if it's in a format no-one else would fully understand. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get it, though. Heh, talk to girls? Hmm... or will they throw themselves at me? Gender stereotypes indicate (stereotypes tend to be strong here) that it should be the boy seeking the girls out, but this is uni, so probably weaker stereotypes here? But then there's confounding and hidden variables all over the place... I suppose that I'll keep myself open, if anything. Don't assume anything yet.

I'm just confused. Can anyone help understand what the hell it means? I'm fully expecting my approach to be flawed on so many levels, and I expect a reprimand from y'all.

[TD1]

My reprimand?
You're over thinking it.

Which I know, because I've done that in the past. And, admittedly, the present. But try to just relax.

If you want data, observe people. Calmly. See which ones move their hair, make eye-contact, smile. So on. And if you like one of that pool? Talk to them. See if your interest is actually returned. Then go from there.

It's not as easy as that of course, but that's life.

[methylatedspirit]

There's a lot of other things that are going on in my mind, but I think I'll just focus on this: I usually don't have lasting crushes on people on basis of appearance. Sure, I can look at someone, and think, "Ooo, they're pretty/handsome/beautiful/cute", but it's usually a very weak thing as far as crushes go. And why would I? Visual information is difficult for me to process. It's usually on basis of personality that I have crushes on.

That presents me with a conundrum. These girls are people I see visually, rather than through text. All I see is their appearance. It's unlikely that I'm attracted to strangers that I know nothing of, so I could probably just say that people would talk to me, not the other way round.

I have this long-ass tentative rejection in my head for the case that someone talks to me and has a crush on me: "Look, I don't know you enough to even have a chance of having a crush on you. As such, I don't think it's a good idea for me to date you, because whatever attraction you have towards me may not be reciprocated. However, I'll be friends with you for the time being. Maybe I'll develop feelings for you later on, but I cannot guarantee anything."

Am I likely to offend people doing it that way? It's complex and nuanced, too, so I'm not sure if it'll be read right. It's basically a tentative friendzone, and I don't think "tentative" is a concept most really get. I can handle this level of detail because I'm the one saying it, but I'm sure most people would take hours trying to digest what I just said. Plus, there's probably some clash in speeds here. Some people want their love to be fast, I want mine to be taken a few steps at a time, at least at first. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, but it's clearly not for me.

God, I need to sleep. I'm really overthinking this.

[bloop_bleep]

Yeah, you do not need to be head over heels in love to agree to a date. A date can be a method of getting to know a person better and growing the relationship.

[heydude6]

The guy who called me handsome is now saying that the girls have crushes on me.

The guy is just trying to flatter you. I’ve seen some pretty ugly guys get called handsome before, as part of what I can only assume to be some misguided attempt to boost their self-esteem. The “popular among girls” comment is in that same family. I bet that man doesn’t know a single girl who’s attracted to you.

Meth, the thing you got to realize is that attractive people get compliments quite often. So often in fact, that they get sick of hearing them. Based on your reaction, this seems to be the only person who’s ever said that to you. You should treat this like the freak occurrence that it is. Maybe by chance “potato head” (as you call it) just happens to be that specific man’s type. It doesn’t mean you should generalize it onto the rest of the human population.

He probably is just trying to butter you up though. Maybe in hopes of making you his friend, maybe cause he wants to ask you for something later on, maybe as part of his ambitions in office politics. In my experience you got to treat political types with extreme caution.

[TD1]

It's not unreasonable to think he may just not have noticed.

I can think of several fairly obvious flirtatious exchanges which, at the time, I shrugged off.

Either way, my advice is to continue as before, but be aware of possible flirtation so you can seize on it (if you want to).

[NJW2000]

If he says that one girl has a crush on you, that could be anything from passing on a hint to a well meaning but completely misguided idea he picked up from noticing the two of you talking once.

If he suggests multiple girls are into you without having talked to you... yeah, either you're completely unable to judge your own attractiveness, or this guy isn't being straight with you. I'm not saying he's a lying sycophant, but don't rule it out.

A rule of thumb here is to never, ever refer to anything someone else has said. Just never do it.

[Eschar]

A rule of thumb here is to never, ever refer to anything someone else has said. Just never do it.

What does this mean?

[Dunamisdeos]

I am historically terrible at being flirted with.

My now-wife claims that she was constantly giving the evil eye and/or directly threatening various girls who were trying to flirt with me while we were dating. I was consistently oblivious.

I'm sure it was frustrating for someone at some point. Hell if know who, though.

[hector13]

notice me senpai