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[Il Palazzo]

Simon. His cousin.

[MrRoboto75]

IME with having aspergers (obv I can't speak for everyone), its not really a matter of not having empathy, but perhaps not having the ability to express it or in a sense "use" it (to comfort someone or perhaps offer condolences).  Empathy stays mostly internal.

[Naturegirl1999]

IME with having aspergers (obv I can't speak for everyone), its not really a matter of not having empathy, but perhaps not having the ability to express it or in a sense "use" it (to comfort someone or perhaps offer condolences).  Empathy stays mostly internal.

As a fellow person with Asperger’s I can affirm this, though I’ve figured out what people say I. Those circumstances and now am able to do the comforting, it was just not innate

[Reelya]

the rather blobby style used by Van Gogh, such as in "Starry night" or "The scream"

Uh, are you saying you think Van Gogh did "The scream" here? If not, you had very poor comma placement.

[Eschar]

I'm not good at comforting people or reacting well to situations that require comfort. I feel sad internally, but it's like something just "clicks" with other people in being able to respond appropriately on the outside, comfort the person, assure them that I am sad for their suffering. I also don't cry as often as other people at sad things - another example of the proper outside reaction not happening automatically. I sometimes wish there was an explicit predefined script people could choose to use while communicating, to take the burden off of trying to figure out what to say... except it seems like everyone else just "gets" the the proper script automatically.

I assume I'm neurotypical, but I've never been tested or analyzed by a professional, so...?

[Naturegirl1999]

I also tend not to cry when sad, sometimes I cry when mad or confused

[Egan_BW]

(I was diagnosed with asperger's as a kid.)

I've built up a good number of "scripts" for communicating, but they break down when I'm unfocused, pissed off, or focused on something else. When I'm just waking up, I basically can't communicate at all because "my markov chains are still booting up" (or that's how I think of it...) and when I'm at work I prefer not to work with other people because I'm too focused on my own task to coordinate with others very well.

I never got very good at comforting people in grief. I can empathize with them, but internally I just don't really care about stuff like people dying.

[scriver]

Simon. His cousin.

He's not as handsome

You did that initializing on purpose though didn't you

[Naturegirl1999]

(I was diagnosed with asperger's as a kid.)

I've built up a good number of "scripts" for communicating, but they break down when I'm unfocused, pissed off, or focused on something else. When I'm just waking up, I basically can't communicate at all because "my markov chains are still booting up" (or that's how I think of it...) and when I'm at work I prefer not to work with other people because I'm too focused on my own task to coordinate with others very well.

I never got very good at comforting people in grief. I can empathize with them, but internally I just don't really care about stuff like people dying.

While deaths are sad, it is a part of life, and sadness won’t bring them back. I understand that death is saddening, but I don’t see the point in grieving, it just keeps the living sad over something that already happened. I have trouble comforting people as well, especially on the subject of death. It’s not that I don’t understand their sadness, their grief, it’s just that I’ve learned that death happens, and I don’t see the point of dwelling on it. My family has had pets die, as well a one grandfather due to cancer. My brother and I have gone to some funerals of family members who we didn’t know. When our cat Tiger died due to injuries, I didn’t cry, my brother did. My attempts at comforting him failed. When my grandfather on my father’s side died, my brother cried, and I didn’t. We knew that he would eventually die from the cancer, my grandpa knew it too. I also failed to comfort my brother in this instance too. Yes, it would have been better if grandpa didn’t have the cancer, or got it treated before it got to the point where it was certain he’d die from it, but what happened can’t be undone.

[Il Palazzo]

You did that initializing on purpose though didn't you

Absolutely.

[methylatedspirit]

I did actually feel sad when someone I loved died. I distinctly remember time feeling like it slowed down. It was just so painful, it sorta just happened out of nowhere. A bit strange, since I am autistic myself (diagnosed very early on, 2-3 years old if I'm remembering it correctly). And that was in 2018, when I was just learning to be a normal person, or at least be a convincing facsimile of a normal person. Not much of the "normal person" emulation was really in place at the time.

So it does seem that I do feel sad when people die, but only if I cared about them in the first place. I do get why people would be sad if, like, their dad died. They've done a lot for you, so I see it as a perfectly reasonable, if not strictly rational, response. I don't get why people would be sad over, say, a celebrity dying, since I feel that the celebrity can't have done enough for them to really warrant an emotional response. I see that as waste of emotional energy, which I don't have much of to begin with.

[Frumple]

I mean... it depends on the celebrity. It's pretty easy to see how someone who's works (music, acting, writing, whatever) offered who knows how much comfort or happiness or whatever to you would cause you to be sad when you find out the person passed away. Or just disappointed that someone greatly skilled or enthusiastic or whatev' in their field isn't around anymore, or so on.

Like, I can't say I've really felt like that myself, much (probably the closest I can recall was when prachett passed), 'cause I don't invest much emotionally into any one creator or body of works, but I can understand the sentiment pretty easily. Some folks really do seriously invest themselves like that, spend hours and hours steadily experiencing someone specific's stuff, or have really pivotal moments in their life it helps carry them through, or etc., and for those sorts of folks being pretty tore up when the person in question passes is just... totally understandable, yeah?

[hector13]

Simon. His cousin.

He's not as handsome

You did that initializing on purpose though didn't you

SBH is genuinely related to a published psychologist.

I sometimes think that I’m on the spectrum, ‘cause I am supremely introverted and don’t really like to be around people, but I think that has more to do with anxiety than anything else. Being around people, especially those I don’t know, is bloody exhausting.

Equally so, I have great distaste to changes in my routine, and don’t like surprises. Surprises are bad.

[wierd]

the rather blobby style used by Van Gogh, such as in "Starry night" or "The scream"

Uh, are you saying you think Van Gogh did "The scream" here? If not, you had very poor comma placement.

The Scream is Munch, yes.  Starry Night is Van Gogh.

[scriver]

Mmmm, existential fear...